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I’m single because…I need to be right now. After breaking up with my boyfriend I’ve learned that I’m ready to love again but I still have issues since my divorce. Trust issues…AND I am so anxious about not being passive (which I was with my ex-husband) I was too much “on alert” with my boyfriend. I always believed that everything done in the dark comes to the light so I let it play out with my ex-husband. What I never prepared for was the everything that came out. My life was a freaking Lifetime Movie. I don’t even know who the hell I married. While I am over my ex and thrilled to be single (because I am loving all the single gal stuff; worrying about Myself, doing what I want with MY money and not consulting anyone, and…I can stay homely as long as I want on the weekends). Being single is one of the BEST things to happen to me at my age and I like it.
Still some kinks to work out with myself, though, I am not as whole as I thought I was and it took being in a relationship to see that. I have to be honest with myself and check my insecurities. Even though I wish he’d have handled things/me differently…I should have behaved better. He was acting distant all week and we were supposed to meet up one day and he went MIA and I just broke it off. I didn’t want an explanation. I just wanted to protect myself and that meant being alone. Because I can do bad all by myself, right? Right. When we finally talked things out, I realized I was overreacted. I realized I was really tripping. I was NOT ready for this. I hurt a great guy. I learned that I cannot just cocoon myself, I have to ask questions and make an informed decision.
I would tell my 20-year-old self (sheltered and naïve) to date more before marriage (I married the first man I was serious with long term). Play that field, girl! Learn yourself first. Forgive yourself quickly when you make mistakes and take every lickin’ as a lesson and turn the page, don’t dwell.