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So What You Saying?
Yeah, you read the title correctly and I know many of you are in this boat and need to figure out how to co-parent when you can’t stand your child’s father. I know…I know…It’s not easy when you can’t stand the sight of him especially, if he has not be present the way that he should be. Just know that co-parenting is going to take work and a good co-parenting situation needs to consist of communication, compromise, cooperation and consistency. These dynamics will not happen between the two of you overnight and may take years to manifest but in the meantime, the following tips can help you learn to co-parent when you can’t stand his ass.
Ladies, that is the most important thing that you need to remember. It’s not about you and it’s not about him. It’s all about your child. No one asks to be here, and if you made the decision to have a child with someone who at one point you had to like because you had sex with and/or married them, then you need to get out of your feelings and realize that you have to learn how to co-parent for the sake of your child.
So many women, especially Single Moms, keep their kids away from their father because they feel like he doesn’t do enough (if anything), he broke her heart, he moved on, etc etc. Here’s the thing, ladies, all that may be true, but again, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s not fair to keep your kids away from their father because of your feelings. You have to allow him to be a father to his child.
Don’t tell your child that their father ain’t shit or he ain’t that (even if it’s true). It’s not a good look. No matter how frustrated or annoyed you feel about co-parenting with your ex, maintaining your integrity and sticking to your values is essential. It’s easy to get pulled into ugly dynamics or engage in bad behavior when your buttons are pushed, but keeping your cool and staying true to yourself will feel better than reacting.What you say about their father impacts your child and many kids internalize what you say. Speaking negatively about your ex to your child is never a good idea.
If you have something to say to their father, you say it directly to him and if it is something that is negative or that may start an argument, do it behind close doors. Make it a point to never use your child to tell their father something that you need to tell them. Kids should never be put in the middle or feel pressured to say something that they shouldn’t be saying to begin with.
Kids don’t need to be confused any more than they already may be, especially in the case of a divorce. It’s bad enough that they have to get used to different households, so the two of you need to work on making sure that you have a visitation schedule. It’s important to have and keep structure in your child’s life.
Rather you like it or not, the two of you will be in each others lives, pretty much for the rest of your lives, so you need to learn how to work together and get along for the sake of your child. You may never be friends, but you’ll have to learn how to communicate, solve problems together and at least act like you get along for the sake of your child.
Remember there is no such thing as “ex-parents,” so regardless of how you feel about him, your child needs to know that the relationship that they have with both of their parents will never change and that they are number one in both of their lives.
Are you co-parenting?
What tips would you add for someone having a hard time co-parenting?