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So What You Saying?
What!? No Soulmate?
What’s Next, No Fairy Tale Romance?
“Searching for your ‘one true love’ and believing that you’ll have a perfect fairy tale courtship doesn’t allow for mistakes, fights, and the disappointments that come with real relationships,” explains Dr. Judith Wright, author of the new book, “The Heart of the Fight: A Couple’s Guide to 15 Common Fights, What They Really Mean & How They Can Bring You Closer”.
“Do yourself a favor and get rid of the fantasies that destroy your opportunity for real love,” says Dr. Wright. “Here’s how the top 9 relationship myths that will ruin your love life . . .”
Reality: Let’s face it. No man is perfect and neither are you. Look instead for ‘Prince Values’ or ‘Prince Substance’. Looking for Prince Charming rarely leads to a king and queen ruling their realm equally with satisfaction and fulfillment.
Reality: Being rescued is one of the worst ways to kick off a relationship. Where there is a rescuer, there is also a victim—a perfect formula for drama. Rescuing leads to dependence and resentment because the person being rescued will eventually need to heal themselves and then the entire foundation for the relationship falls apart.
Reality: If you catch yourself thinking, “I can change him,” watch out, you can’t! If he’s not who you want him to be now, don’t think anything will be different with some TLC from you. Sure, it’s great to believe in someone’s potential, but if you don’t have evidence of good stuff now (and if he’s not actively working on it in a realistic way) don’t think it will come later.
Reality: No relationship is perfect. Overcoming conflict is an inherent part of relationship growth. Fighting is how you can get to know each other, forge stronger bonds, and become more intimate. Avoid fighting and you avoid intimacy.
Reality: Studies show that people who think they have a soul mate out there are less likely to work on the relationship when tension surfaces. They figure they picked the wrong one and move on, never giving the relationship a real chance to take shape.
Reality: Try to live happily ever after and you miss some of the most satisfying aspects of a relationship; the profound intimacy of crying your eyes out in your partner’s arms, sharing your frustrations and being understood, or working through tough times to forge a stronger bond. Living “deeply ever after”—sharing your light side and your dark side, is the real key to satisfying, intimate, loving relationships.
Reality: You create your own destiny with the choices you make. By over-romanticizing your relationship it’s likely you won’t work on it. challenge your partner, or do what you need to do to make it great. It absolves you of responsibility of your own choice, which may make it likely for you to not take responsibility to make the relationship what it could be.
Reality: Sure, it’s fun to have chemistry, but research shows that having chemistry doesn’t make a great relationship anyway so why get so obsessed with it? Love is a conscious choice. You can be attracted to someone’s mind, their humor, their kindness – and not just their looks.
Reality: Do you really want to spend eternity with a man who fell in love with you when you were pretending to be someone you’re not? Instead, be yourself and fall for someone who respects you for who you are, not who you’re pretending to be. Otherwise, don’t blame them when they get disillusioned a year into the marriage when your true self is revealed.