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Single Because: “I’ve Been Through Some Shit!”

Dating & Relationships / Single Moms Talk / October 2, 2017

I got married when I was 18 he was 21. I thought that since he was a little older he was ready. A few months into the relationship he was cheating. Long story short shy of 4 years married we were divorced and I became a single mom.

Single After Divorce

I stayed single for nearly 10 years. No dating…nothing. Not because I was scared. But because I wanted to be the best me for the next guy and after a year or so of being single, I loved it. No one to clean after but my son and I. No one to answer to and I could get up and go when I felt like it. I mean, it was amazing! That was the life! Now the religion I was in at that time basically threw marriage in your face like something was wrong with you if you weren’t getting married. I held my place because I knew I would be a terrible wife because I enjoyed being single so much.  However my daily prayer was to find an amazing man and I was very specific.

In Walks A Younger Man

Year nearly 10, I started liking this much younger guy because really, only young guys approached me. It went nowhere. I saw right through him almost immediately. We never went out in public (until after we stopped talking). He would invite me to events but somehow I never went. We hardly ever talked on the phone, always through text and we could go a month or 2 without ever talking and we lived in the same building.

Now let me clarify some things. I would go to his place frequently and we would talk all night.  I’ve spent the night at his place, he’s stayed at mine.  In the bed together. We never got intimate. Oh, we kissed like twice over a year or so. I thought on many occasions he was gay because he didn’t try to sleep with me. I loved him. We had great conversations about real things. Not the basic shallow talk like I had with most guys. But he was a player and very handsome. Any who, I went on with life…

Someone New…

I dated around here and there over the next few months or so but nothing stuck. However, I did meet a wonderful African guy from Norway. He wasn’t the best looking guy in his eyes. But he was the total package for me. However I screwed that up not being fully over playboy! Lol!

Que Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome

A few months after that tall, dark and handsome walks into my place of employment. A number of us were looking. Shortly after, he started working there. I never spoke to him though, I was too shy. One day he noticed my license plates were where he was from. So he waited one day to see who was going to get out that car and it was me and he approached me later that day. We hit it off immediately. Not only were we from the same state but the same city. We were talking all the time, meeting up to do things. He seemed so attentive. We started taking vacations together and so on. Things moved rather quickly within the first few months. He asked me to marry him after only 6 weeks and he broke down to me how our lives was going to be.

MUST READ:  How To Know If You Are In A Situationship 

I told him no on the marriage because it was too soon and his money wasn’t right. Plus, things were getting very sketchy on his end. Another one of our co-workers was calling and texting him all day, everyday. I would find her in his office all the time, and sometimes with the door closed. He started laying it on thick when I started questioning things.

He lived a distance away from work so I allowed him to move things into my place since he was there all the time.  Very bad decision on my part. Once again me believing he’s ready because he’s 11 years older than me. Mistake on my part, again. After he moved in, I started to realize that the girl never stopped calling/texting. On top of that, he never paid for anything and wasn’t buying me anything.  I was even paying all his bills except his phone bill. I could never have excess to his phone…ever but mines had to always be available.

The Shit I Went Through…

Examples of some of the things that I went through with him that made me single…

  • They (him and the our co-worker) started having sex in his office a week after he started working there.
  • She was always calling and texting him.
  • She and her husband knew everything about our lives.
  • Her husband called me every time they got together!
  • They were meeting up.
  • They didn’t respect my mothers death.
  • Constant lying and cheating for 3 1/2 years.
  • He would tell his family and friends what he wanted them to know to make me look crazy.
  • He put recorders in my home and in my car.
  • He hired people to watch me and report my every move to him.
  • He’s gone through my phone. Texting and calling my male co-workers.
  • He never paid any bills. He would help here and there with things.  (I could count on my hand how many times he’s helped pay anything outside of daycare or anything that had to do with the kids.
  • I did not curse before I met him, I’m poetic with it now.
  • I’ve hit him numerous times over him lying directly to my face. He’s put his hands on me, as well, but of course, he doesn’t count his.
  • We still live in the same place, but not in the same room. At this point, I’m just waiting for him to move out.
  • He leaves at the same time everyday, which is the same time the girl gets off work and is gone for hours.
  • He’s on his messenger everyday when he gets off work at the same time.

I have never stood in his way concerning the girl. He tells me that I’m throwing him away. “No, boo! You don’t want to be kept.” But all of that is for the birds and I don’t want it. He hates that I won’t talk to him anymore, but what really is there to talk about at this point? I’m just waiting for him to get de hell out!

Now if all that doesn’t make you want to be single then, I don’t know what will. I am single because, I’m choosing me now!

-LaShawndra

If you would like to submit your ‘Single Because” story, please send it in 500 words or less, along with a pic (or you can remain anonymous) to ty@thesexysinglemommy.com


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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17 Comments

on October 2, 2017

Wow! This sounds so similar to my “toxic relationship” with my son’s father. The world wing romance and me ignoring the obvious warning signs. My ex suffers from NPD. Might do you good to research that too.

If you still live together, I urge you to leave!

Peace and Blessings to you.

on October 2, 2017

I can definitely understand how these negative experiences could leave you heading for the hills. I would love to know what you learned about yourself through the experience?

on October 2, 2017

Oh my goodness.
I’m so sorry for the time wasted with this fool but I’m happy it seems you’ve got your head back on your shoulders and seeing it all clearly!

on October 2, 2017

good for you on choosing YOU right now 🙂 i am applauding you from here. 🙂

on October 2, 2017

Wow! I am so sorry that you went through these things. But, my beautiful sister, I’ve learned that we grow from our pain. You will have such a testimony to share to other women, as I can see you leading by example! (hugs)

on October 3, 2017

WOW! This is some mess right here. Why is it taking so long for him to move out? Or you to put him out is the question.

on October 3, 2017

I love that you are choosing YOU! After my last boyfriend I did the same and love found me! But I was over the craziness with guys! I was totally content in being by myself.

on October 3, 2017

I can relate! I was married and divorced very young as well. A lot of the times we get married young and don’t even know who we as individuals are yet. I know that’s what happened in my situation. It’s so important to understand individuality in relationships.

on October 3, 2017

Wow! That is a lot to deal with. You are phenomenal. I am so glad you are embracing your singleness.

on October 3, 2017

Wow, this is a lot and I totally understand your feelings. Is it possible for you to move? You also mentioned kids, how is working with them? Peace of mind is priceless. I wish you the best.

on October 4, 2017

These single because stories are so raw and real. There are too many people playing games with people’s hearts now. I’m single because I can’t be bothered with the games.

on October 4, 2017

Wow for Lashawdra that is too much. He still lives there and been dealing with him for 3 1/2 years…nope no way. Older doesnt mean better, I think because she said she kept attracting younger she thought older would be more mature. No it could mean more manipulative. He can get out right now or that 30 day law after an eviction notice he need to do just like the movie and GET OUT!

on October 4, 2017

I’m thankful I am dating someone that loves, adores, and respects me. You have way more to deal with than I would want to elect on my plate.

on October 5, 2017

Dang! That was extremely toxic and I’m glad you got out of it. Good for you sis.

on October 5, 2017

This was a lot for me to digest in one dose. LOL! I am a happily married woman and have been for 25 years. I also married very, very young, so I know practically nothing about the dramas of dating multiple people, and I’m so glad to have somehow been able to avoid it. And while getting married too young is definitely a problem factor with some, it’s not the only thing to consider.

You mentioned in your post that “Things moved rather quickly within the first few months.” THAT, in my opinion, is the first red flag with toxic relationships. It takes YEARS to get to know a person. Moving “very quickly” in a relationship clouds your judgement AND your perception of reality. The advice I always give to my single friends is S-L-O-W D-O-W-N. Sometimes you have to let things come to you.

on October 5, 2017

For the sanity of you and your child’s health you need to give him a 30 day notice to get out. If you wait for him to move out, he may never move. He needs to move in order for you to completely start the healing process.

on October 17, 2017

You’re making the right decision. He sounds like a jerk & you will be so much better without him.



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