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How To Co-Parent When You Can’t Stand His Ass

Business / Parenting / December 4, 2016

Yeah, you read the title correctly and I know many of you are in this boat and need to figure out how to co-parent when you can’t stand your child’s father.  I know…I know…It’s not easy when you can’t stand the sight of him especially, if he has not be present the way that he should be.  Just know that co-parenting is going to take work and a good co-parenting situation needs to consist of communication, compromise, cooperation and consistency.  These dynamics will not happen between the two of you overnight and may take years to manifest but in the meantime, the following  tips can help you learn to co-parent when you can’t stand his ass.

  •  First Things First…It’s Not About You or Him.  It’s About The Child(ren)

Ladies, that is the most important thing that you need to remember.  It’s not about you and it’s not about him.  It’s all about your child.  No one asks to be here, and if you made the decision to have a child with someone who at one point you had to like because you had sex with and/or married them, then you need to get out of your feelings and realize that you have to learn how to co-parent for the sake of your child.

  • Even If You Can’t Stand His Ass, You Need to Make an Effort

So many women, especially Single Moms, keep their kids away from their father because they feel like he doesn’t do enough (if anything), he broke her heart, he moved on, etc etc.  Here’s the thing, ladies, all that may be true, but again, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s not fair to keep your kids away from their father because of your feelings. You have to allow him to be a father to his child.

  •  Always Speak about Your Child’s Father Positively In Their Presence (Even If You Are Lying)

Don’t tell your child that their father ain’t shit or he ain’t that (even if it’s true).  It’s not a good look. No matter how frustrated or annoyed you feel about co-parenting with your ex, maintaining your integrity and sticking to your values is essential. It’s easy to get pulled into ugly dynamics or engage in bad behavior when your buttons are pushed, but keeping your cool and staying true to yourself will feel better than reacting.What you say about their father impacts your child and many kids internalize what you say.  Speaking negatively about your ex to your child is never a good idea.

  • Do Not Use Your Child as a Messenger

If you have something to say to their father, you say it directly to him and if it is something that is negative or that may start an argument, do it behind close doors.  Make it a point to never use your child to tell their father something that you need to tell them. Kids should never be put in the middle or feel pressured to say something that they shouldn’t be saying to begin with.

  • Have a Schedule And Stick to It

Kids don’t need to be confused any more than they already may be, especially in the case of a divorce.  It’s bad enough that they have to get used to different households, so the two of you need to work on making sure that you have a visitation schedule.  It’s important to have and keep structure in your child’s life.

  • Learn How to Work Together

Rather you like it or not, the two of you will be in each others lives, pretty much for the rest of your lives, so you need to learn how to work together and get along for the sake of your child. You may never be friends, but you’ll have to learn how to communicate, solve problems together and at least act like you get along for the sake of your child.

  • Parenting is Forever

Remember there is no such thing as “ex-parents,” so regardless of how you feel about him, your child needs to know that the relationship that they have with both of their parents will never change and that they are number one in both of their lives.

the sexy single mommy

Are you co-parenting?

What tips would you add for someone having a hard time co-parenting?


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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32 Comments

on December 5, 2016

Great Tips and a lot of these things are things that I’ve seen my sister do in Co-Parenting with my nephews father! I especially like #3…the child will figure it out on their own eventually that their parent aint sh*t…but let them figure it out don’t force your beliefs on them! My nephew figured it out early and no one ever told him that, even though there were PLENTY of times we all wanted to!

on December 5, 2016

I know some people that co-parent very well and the others will get a link to this post. My Mom allowed my Dad to be apart of my life the way he wanted. There was no question that I saw him for who he was and wasn’t. She didn’t have to tell me.

    on December 6, 2016

    That is the way to do it. My mom never bad mouthed my dad. I was able to see him for what he was, also. I think that is the best way to go.

on December 5, 2016

These are such wonderful tips. I agree with the fact that your children will figure things out for themselves, they definitely don’t want to hear their parents bad mouth each other.

    on December 6, 2016

    Bad mouthing the other parent in front of a child is horrible but so many people don’t realize it.

on December 5, 2016

Great tips! Co-parenting can be very difficult, especially when both parents aren’t on the same page. Putting the child first is key.

    on December 6, 2016

    Yes, it is but if some parents could get out their own way, things would be a lot easier.

    on December 6, 2016

    Yes, indeed.

on December 5, 2016

These are great tips. Although I am not a single parent, I have read and heard so many horror stories about co-parenting going wrong. I think it is because either one or both adults forget that they aren’t doing it for themselves, but for the kid.

    on December 6, 2016

    It’s hard for people who have gone through some pretty bad stuff to make it only about their child. The bad part is that they don’t get it until the kids is damn near grown.

on December 6, 2016

I was tickled when I read the title of this because I know someone going through this very thing. These are great tips to keep in mind.

on December 6, 2016

I managed to have a hands off relationship with my daughter’s father. It was business only and no emotion involved. It was all about her.

on December 6, 2016

Whew! The messenger comment is so real. Don’t involve the kids in the foolery.

    on December 6, 2016

    Exactly. And the things that folks have their kids repeat to the other parent…smh. The worse!

on December 6, 2016

This is a great read! I know quite a few people who would benefit from these tips. I wish more people would take themselves out of the equation, it’s definitely about the kids!

    on December 6, 2016

    They key is taking yourself out of the equation. So many people just don’t know how to do that.

on December 6, 2016

I’m married and sometimes me and my husband bump heads when it comes to parenting. I think this is sound advice for any parent and will create a great atmosphere when it comes to different situations.

on December 7, 2016

You made some excellent points! Don’t poison your children against the absent dad or mom (because moms leave too). As our kids’ first teachers, they watch and listen to everything we do. If you’re mean and bitter, you will plant that seed in your kids.

    on December 7, 2016

    OMG! You are so right and some folks wonder why their kids are so mean….they are just like YOU!

on December 7, 2016

I can’t imagine this scenario, but I would like to hope that I would act like an adult if ever faced with the situation. I dunno though…These are great tips and I pray I never have to use them!

on December 8, 2016

So many people need to read this, especially around holidays.
My friend and her ex seem to still be struggling as co-parents. Their son is almost 10.

on August 1, 2017

Great article and so on point. I have seen too many situations where the co-parents can’t make it work and the child suffers. With these tips you have certainly laid out a path that can help struggling co-parents do better for the kids.

on August 1, 2017

Even though I can’t relate to this situation, I really enjoyed it. Though may sound like common sense, but clearly everyone doesn’t seem to adhere to them even if they should.

on August 1, 2017

Co-parenting is no joke. There are days when I want to scream, cry and say to hell with this. Even though the situation is not ideal I make 100 percent sure that I put in 100 percent effort on my part.

on August 2, 2017

Great points. It’s so sad when parents are still in the ring emotionally that they can’t see past that. A must share post!

on August 2, 2017

Excellent tips because no matter how bad the relationship is, to the kids they will always be mom or dad.

on August 2, 2017

Taking yourself out of it and making your child(ren) the center is a great foundation for everything else to work.

on August 2, 2017

I don’t want to imagine being in this scenario. Sticking to a schedule I’d agree is very key! Stay encouraged!

on August 6, 2017

I am glad I am not in this situation. I know plenty of people who are though.

on August 7, 2017

These seem like great tips if one should find their self in this unfortunate situation! Children’s well being definitely has to be the main priority.



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