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Single Because? “Relationships Caused More Stress Than Happiness”

Dating & Relationships / October 24, 2016
Being from the south and living in the good ole Bible belt where tradition is the norm, many people especially older adults are shocked by my carefree attitude towards being single and childless. At one point in my life I found myself always being in a relationship and when I wasn’t in one I was searching and longing for the next relationship that I hoped would be the “right” one. The “right one” being that relationship that would get me the ring and a walk down the aisle in my white dress, because that’s what I grew up believing was the goal for women and a key to a piece of happiness.

I am Single Because…

I found myself in a difficult battle with depression over a year ago; one bad life experience after another kept piling up on me until mentally I broke down and had to reach out to a therapist for help. During that time I kind of shut myself off from men because I had too much going on internally and I wasn’t in the right state of mind to develop a relationship with anybody. Truth be told most of my previous relationships had caused me more stress than happiness. My time of isolation allowed me to take a thorough internal look at myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly and I was able to analyze who I really was. With me always being in a relationship I didn’t know who I was outside of one. When you enter a relationship not knowing who you are it’s easy to get lost in someone else and become what that person feels you should be instead of being who you truly want to be.

I am Single Because…

Surprisingly I found out that I didn’t know myself as well as I thought and I wanted to make some changes. It was also during that time I became more spiritual and I started studying the law of attraction. I reassessed past relationships and the type of person I was in those relationships. I thought about the energy I was giving off to people and in exchange what type of relationships/energy I was attracting in my life. Being alone has given me time to reflect on my past and really analyze what I want from a relationship. I questioned what exactly was happiness to me and was I looking for a relationship to bring me happiness? Was I basing my happiness on another person’s standards?

What I Know For Sure

I’m definitely more self aware of who I am now and I’m constantly growing. I feel like I’ve changed for the better being single which I think is amazing because I want to be the greatest version of myself before someone else becomes a part of my life. I don’t necessarily believe another person should complete you or make you whole. I think another person should enhance the good that’s already within you. Since I’ve changed my experiences and the people coming into my life have even changed for the better. I think I’m happier now than I’ve been in a while and I finally feel like I’m living in the moment instead dwelling so much on the past or the future.
*You can reach Ashley E. on her blog at The Double Scoop or IG/Twitter: @thedoublescoop

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on September 7, 2017

Pleased to have just found this blog. As a single, childless 30-something woman, I’m too familiar with the questions. Look forward to reading more.

on September 7, 2017

This is good! This is exactly where I’m at in life. I’m actually doing a fast from dating because I really just needed to really get to know me and re-evaluate my past relationships and what I was attracting and giving off. Definitely feeling real free at this stage in my life!

    on September 18, 2017

    Thanks for reading! I know so many people that are afraid to be alone and they literally can’t function by themselves. You learn so much about yourself being single. I feel ya on being free and happy!

on September 7, 2017

Your conversation is so open! I practice the Law of Attraction— not as faithfully as I should— doubt definitely gets in the way.

    on September 18, 2017

    Thanks for reading! Focusing on being self-aware really helps me with the law of attraction.

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