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Walk Away From Love: My “Single Because” Story

Dating & Relationships / Slider / Slides / October 17, 2016

As you know, I’ve been featuring women’s “Single Because” stories over the past few weeks and I have pondered whether or not to share my own “Single Because” story with my readers? It has been something that I have been going back and forth with since I started this series and it wasn’t until I was editing some new articles and listening to oldies that I decided to tell my truth

I am Single Because…

Have you ever heard the song, “Walk Away from Love” by David Ruffin? If you are not familiar with it, here are the lyrics:

It’s not that I don’t love you
You know how much I do
And it’s not that I’ve found someone
To take the place of you
It’s just a fear that builds within me
Everytime you touch my hand
And a dread that shakes my body
That even I don’t understand
So I’m leaving
This time I’m playing it smart
I’m gonna walk away from love
Before love breaks my heart

Oh, you’re clinging to me tighter
Than you ever have before
I don’t understand it
But I know it’s gonna take everything I’ve got
To keep walking out the door
But those arms you’ve got around me
Will let me go someday
And I’d rather leave you holding on
Than pushing me away
So I’m leaving, yes I am
This time I’m playing it smart
I’m gonna walk away from love
Before love breaks my heart

So I’m leaving, yes I am
This time I’m playing it smart
I’m gonna walk away from love
Before love breaks my heart
Oh, baby
It’s not that I don’t love you
You know how much I do
Oh, baby
I’m leaving, baby
This time I’m playing it smart
Oh, don’t break my heart
Oh, I’m walking away, baby
Oh, will you let me go
I’d rather have you holding on, holding on
oh, than pushing me away
So I’m leaving
I know you’re playing it smart
Don’t you break my heart, baby
I’m leaving, baby
And it’s not that I’ve found someome new
No can take the place of you
But I’m leaving
This time I’m playing it smart
I’m walking away from love

“It’s not that I don’t love you…”

You have no idea how many times I’ve said that or thought it in my mind.  The truth is that I have walked away from love more than a few times.  How do you equate a few? More than one?  More than three?  How about more than 5? Keep going…  Let’s just say there have been a LOT of times that I have walked away from love…before it broke my heart.

Let’s me be clear, there has not always been an indication that “love” would break my heart but in the anticipation of the fact that it could or because I thought the grass was greener on the other side, or the fact that I wanted my cake and someone else’s cake….(you get the picture)I decided to walk away.  Maybe run would be a better verb to use in these instances.  The point that I’m trying to make is that I have walked away from some of the best men, as well as some who were no good for me…good or bad…I have a pattern of walking away from love.

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmneugiD7Ig[/embedyt]

Call it what you want, a fear of having my heart brokeen, a fear of being truly happy Hold up, that’s stupid! Who is afraid of that? Apparently I am because I have managed to become a serial runner.  When things are good or when I simply don’t feel like putting in the work, I run.  I leave.  I disappear. I get ghost.  But walking away from love is not how all my relationships have ended.  If you have followed my blog for awhile, you would know that I have crossed paths with some real jerks but I have to wonder if the reason that I encountered these jerks was because, in some part, karma came knocking to kick my ass for the hearts that I had broken in the past. For the feelings that I had played with, for the drama that I caused, for building men up, only to break them down. Yeah, good ole Karma has taught me a thing or two or three.

Let’s Be Real

Many women will say that they are single because they needed time to work on themselves and that may be true.  I have been there and done that.  I do believe that you need to take time in between breakups to re-evaluate what happened and what part you played in it.  You have to figure out what it is that you will and won’t accept in a relationship and fix whatever issues you have and let go of whatever baggage you are carrying, but if I can be very honest (you know I’m going to keep it 100), there are some of us who are single because we have some crazy tendencies and we continue to be single because we just don’t know what a “real” relationship should look like.

In my 20’s, I thought myself to be this player and to me, it was about who could do what for me and what material things they had.  I have a friend who always jokes (at least I hope he is joking) that one day when I blow up, he is going to tell the world about the “old” Ty. He threatens to tell everyone how I used to use men and dog them out and although that was my truth at the time, it is not one that I am proud of today.  The problem now is that the mistakes lessons that I learned in my 20’s and part of my 30’s, plays a big part in why I am single today…I didn’t know a good thing when I had it and because of my player ways, I walked away from some really good guys, a few of which, would probably have been my husband if I didn’t think that the world revolved around me back then. Sigh

Why am I Still Single

Now that I have been single for the past 6 months and I have this “Single Because” series going on, I posed the question to myself, “why am I still single?” The answer is very simple, “I don’t feel like putting in the effort to get to know someone new.”  It takes work to go out to meet people or once you have met someone, to go through the effort of trying to get them, trying to figure them out and stroking their egos and all the things that go along with dating.  If I’m being very honest, I don’t even want to meet someone new because it is just too much work.  Work, that I am not willing to do. I simply don’t feel like it…at least, not now.

Do I want to be single forever? Absolutely not, but right now…I’m okay with it and that’s my truth.

single-because-44

 

the sexy single mommy

If you would like to submit your ‘Single Because” story, please send it in 500 words or less, along with a pic (or you can remain anonymous) to ty@thesexysinglemommy.com

 


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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14 Comments

on October 17, 2016

Understandable

on October 19, 2016

I think being honest with ourselves is what we are lacking. Sometimes it is tough to own up to your truth. Kudos to you, this means you will no longer repeat your previous pattern.

on October 19, 2016

If you are okay with being single and you are happy wit your life and with yourself, then it is the right thing for you in this moment in time. If it is different in 6 months, then great. Most important is that you are happy in your own skin every single day of your life, single or not.

on October 20, 2016

Got to work in your own time, girl. That is perfectly ok 😀

on October 20, 2016

Getting to know people is real work! I just lifted my “no new friends” policy after several years, so I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to start dating in this day and age.

on October 20, 2016

I often think about why I’m single, and I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel that I’m missing out on anything though. Not right now anyway lol.

on October 20, 2016

I’m not single, but I understand from where you’re coming. Now, I have to search iTunes for this song. It at least reads well.

on October 20, 2016

You know what, I appreciate your truth! I am glad to read/hear it said so honesty and succinctly because many will not admit that this is why they are single.

on October 21, 2016

Thanks you for sharing this!

on October 21, 2016

Being cool with being single is the joy of being a party of one. I get that!

on October 21, 2016

Two things: I love your honesty, and I love that David Ruffin song! Girl, one of the hardest things to admit sometimes is that we don’t know what a good relationship is supposed to look like — especially when we haven’t seen any exemplars. OK? I got married eight years ago after walking away for years before they walked away. A couple times, they beat me to the punch. We live and we learn. If our goal is to be better than we were yesterday, then we’re right on track. Great post! <3

on October 21, 2016

When you are comfortable being you… No matter where you are in life… That is where you truly find happiness! Thank you for sharing your trip. Embrace and enjoy being single. I learned the most about myself when I was single!

on October 21, 2016

I think it’s good that you recognized why you’re single and you are happy with your reason. It’s good to be honest with yourself and others. You are so right- it takes A LOT of effort, time, and work to get to know someone new. My husband and I were friends for two years before we got married. We skipped dating and just got married before his deployment to Afghanistan. Looking back, we both agree we should have taken a few months to date because getting to know someone as a friend is totally different from getting to know someone romantically. 🙂

on October 22, 2016

I love that you embrace your singleness and know your worth.
We need more who will really understand these values.

http://www.distinguisheddiva.com/2016/10/travel-diary-navigating-amsterdam-like.html



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