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Single Because? “I am not willing to compromise who I am for another person”

Dating & Relationships / Sexy Mama / Single Moms Talk / September 26, 2016

My name is Tiffany Flowers, I am a 42 year old Nurse Manager. Although I am a firm believer that everyone needs someone, the primary reason I am single at this time in my life is I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. I was in a 22 year marriage in which I gave my life to my husband, my children and my job. I never put myself first, I made countless sacrifices, and I am good with those decisions at that time. I was raised to believe that it was my responsibility and role to be a certain type of woman. But when you are that involved and committed there is no way you can invest in yourself while you are doing all of that. I let myself go physically, I was emotionally unfulfilled by my husband, and my job wanted me to be a workhorse. I always thought that if you had old fashioned values, and did what a woman was “suppose” to do at home, that you would be married forever. And although every man wants to come home to her, they cheat on her with the selfish chick that uses them for their money and takes the time to invest in her body, but treats them like garbage.

I am Single Because…

In the two years I have been separated and going through my divorce I have learned that I am not willing, at my age to compromise who I am for another person. I learned that the 20 year old Tiffany was willing to accept things that the 42 year old Tiffany would never accept. I found myself following the same pattern of dating men who “needed” me rather than loved and appreciate me. That led to the same destructive resentment I felt in my marriage and I quickly ended those relationships. I put my life on hold, and put my husband through school not once, but twice. Only to have him cheat on me with the first white girl he could find when he started making money.

I am Single Because….

I bring a lot to the table, and although you should never do for others just to get something in return, don’t find yourself always on the giving end while your emotional needs, physical well-being, and mental health is neglected. If you don’t have someone willing to meet you half way, and willing to be there for you, and dare I say, PROUD to have you on his arm, you might want to continue in the search. I have a bad habit of “doing the most” in a relationship and being hurt when the love is not reciprocated. Men love differently than women. I understand that fact, however, if I can accept that about him, he will need to accept that he has to step outside of his comfort zone to love me the way I need it. A man will only do what you “require” him to do. Until I can find that, I will continue to be a Sexy Single Mommy!

Single-Because

If you would like to submit your ‘Single Because” story, please send it in 500 words or less, along with a pic (or you can remain anonymous) to ty@thesexysinglemommy.com


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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26 Comments

on September 26, 2016

Whoooo Chile! This was DEEP! Cheers to be beginnings and self Love.

    on September 27, 2016

    Amen to that!

on September 26, 2016

Wow! Kudos to you for not allowing the same pattern to continue and identifying what you need and want!

    on September 27, 2016

    We have to teach people how to treat us, or we will be doomed to repeat the same self destructive patterns. Many of us suffer in silence because we feel alone in our personal turmoil and we fear others knowing “our business”. It’s important to lean on trustworthy friends for understanding and help. You’ll be surprised how many other people are going through the same thing.

on September 26, 2016

I love how empowering this post is and you are darn right to ask for the BEST and nothing less.
I am empowered by women who know their worth and you are one of those women.

http://www.distinguisheddiva.com/2016/09/a-day-in-rome-sightseeing-and-vintage.html

    on September 27, 2016

    Thank you!

on September 27, 2016

Great post. We should never lose ourselves in any kind of relationship. Glad Tiffany was able to realize that and position herself to be better.

on September 27, 2016

Girl you hit the nail on the head for me. I am recently divorced and I have no idea how i convinced myself to allow my ex-husband to share my space with me… even after we divorced. JUST BAD. I am single because I am selfless and I allow others to run all over me. 🙁 thanks for giving me the will to face something I have been hiding from 🙁

    on September 30, 2016

    Kalilah,
    Thank you for being brave enough to share your truth. Sometimes we stay in bad situations for the children (as if they can’t see that we are miserable, or for the money (because we believe we can’t make it on our own), or because of what people may think. What I can tell you is it’s in my personality as a nurse to be an enabler. I help people. And in that, I put EVERYONE above me and my needs. One day I realized I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I still care about people, but if you give and never get built up yourself you will find yourself miserable. And why is it that everyone around you deserves to be happy but you don’t? I can do bad all by myself.

on September 27, 2016

I feel you my friend. I’m a little older than you and I’m also not settling anymore. Life is too short to give, give, give and not receive and enjoy!

    on September 30, 2016

    I’m so happy for you!

on September 27, 2016

This is an amazing post. I have friends who are going through something just like this. I am sending this their way. Thanks for sharing!

on September 28, 2016

Great Post! You should NEVER lose yourself in your spouse! So I am glad that you found what you need and arent willing to compromise on it…some things just aren’t negotiable!!!

on September 28, 2016

Nice! It’s awesome how much wiser and self loving we become as we grow older. I was single till 42 because l wasn’t willing to settle 🙂 . All that stuff society puts in your head is just B.S. So glad you are not selling yourself short anymore. Only good things will happen from now on 🙂

on September 28, 2016

Congrats on your emancipation and falling in love with you again. That is priceless.

on September 28, 2016

It’s always good to look at a situation and reflect in order to not repeat the same mistake.

on September 28, 2016

You should never compromise who you are for anyone. Too bad we don’t think that way when we’re younger! Maybe more men would be more considerate and appreciative of us earlier on.

    on September 30, 2016

    We aren’t taught that as young women. And if we are we don’t appreciate it until we are older. I’m striving to raise my 3 boys to be loving, respectful, gentlemen. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

on September 28, 2016

I agree that a man will only do what you require him to do as well as what you allow him to do.

on September 29, 2016

I’m in 7 years deep and my man knows exactly what I require. We have to take care of ourselves too!

on September 29, 2016

Wow you can give a man the world and it can still not be enough sometimes. I always wondered how people can be together 20 plus years and then divorce. You gave a great example of how and why. If you are feeling unhappy and losing your self in the process and dealing with infidelity, I agree you should remove yourself from toxic relationships. Glad you are embracing you and your well being. Good luck on your new journey, adventure awaits you.

    on September 30, 2016

    Thank you Sis! God bless you and yours

on September 29, 2016

I agree. Stay single until you find someone worthy. Never settle. I certainly didn’t.

on September 29, 2016

Whooooo! 40 year old me is totally different from 20 year old me. So glad you aren’t willing to settle for less than you deserve. Great story. Thanks so much for sharing.

    on September 30, 2016

    With age comes wisdom

on October 3, 2016

As you take this journey to learning how to love yourself deeply, I hope that you will find fulfillment within yourself. Your lessons of losing yourself in a relationship are all too common and real for any of us women to ignore. I’ll be the first to say, I am taking heed and trying to make sure I create my own joy outside of my marriage and my family.



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