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7895 message will be deleted. 7895 conversations, good mornings, thinking of you’s, missing you’s…messages…deleted.
It’s funny how that number stands out in my mind, more than the decision to end the relationship. 7895 stands out more than the reason why we decided to call it quits, which went something along the lines of, “I don’t think this is going to work, ” in which I responded, “I agree.” I think my response caught him a bit off guard and the fact that I continued to do my makeup and look at him through the mirror. Funny, how I had to come way to Atlanta for us to say what had been on my mind for months.
I “thought” I knew what it took to make a long distance relationship work but it’s not as easy when your really don’t know the person like you thought you did and when you are together, simple things like going to dinner, is anything but easy when the other person can’t hold a conversation because they “were taught not to talk at the dinner table.” (I could say a WHOLE lot about that but everything that you are thinking while reading this is probably everything that I would say).
It’s funny how later in life when you find yourself over 40 and unmarried, that the long lists of “must have’s” are thrown out of the window and things that you didn’t have on your list in your 20’s like “good health” are now on your list and the longevity of your partner is more important than the size of shoes that you thought was so important in your 20’s. His health was an issue to me and in the back of my mind, I wondered f I could see myself with someone who had so many health issues including, high blood pressure and a hernia that still hadn’t been taken care of after 2 years and stuck out like a babies foot in his pregnant mother’s stomach. ( I kid you, not!) Moving on…
Health aside, I went back in forth in my head about moving to Atlanta “for love” because the cost of living is cheaper then it is here in California and I could always find a job in retail management. The biggest factor in it all was the kids…his two and my one and combining families and kids and uprooting them from everything that they had known and in my head, I was all for it but in my heart, I don’t believe that I ever really subscribed to the realness of the situation. I said that I was willing to move to Atlanta abut something in my spirit was telling me that moving to Atlanta was not the right move for me…not in this situation…not with him.
Before I hit the button agreeing to delete those 7895 messages…memories, conversations came to mind from over the past 8 years and it was at that moment that everything in me said that in order for me to move on and prepare myself for “the one” I needed to delete those 7895 messages and move on with my life and that is just what I did…moved on.