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So What You Saying?
If you’re a smart person, then you probably know a thing or two about the benefits of having a backup plan. After all, things don’t always go as planned and it’s always nice to have a Plan B on hand if Plan A ever goes awry.
While backup plans are always great to have, it can be a little cruel when it comes to relationships – especially if you’re the one being treated as the backup AKA side chick. No one wants to spend a lot of time and create a huge emotional investment in something that is purely made of thin air.
However, when friends tell you that he is just stringing you along and keeping you on the backburner, you don’t really want to believe it. The truth is, most of us are blinded by the fact that we really do like the guy, so we’re willing to gratefully pick up the crumbs he’s leaving for us.
But while you won’t listen to your friends, you may have wondered at one point or another if you really are a side chick. If you want to know for yourself, then read up on these signs to know if you’re his side chick and see just how far down you are on his dating and commitment leader board.
#1 In his own terms. You ask him to define your relationship in the most subtle way you can, because heaven forbid you scare him off with your questions! and all he says is that he’s not ready. The thing with someone who keeps you as a side chick is that they want things on their own terms without any regard for how you feel about it. So, if he just wants to have you around and have sex with you, he will never consider you his woman.
#2 It’s only words. He emails you, Snapchats you, and goes through all of the social media motions of showing his interest in you, but he never really makes time to hang out with you. In fact, he never really does the things he says he’ll do, like take you to dinner or be available when you ask him to hang out. Chances are, he’s just trolling because he’s bored and you’re an easy target.
#3 Facebook official. NOT. Much like the first two signs, he doesn’t really want to define the relationship with you or with the public, for that matter. So even if you are romantically involved, he will not change his Facebook relationship status and when you ask him about it, he says that “I don’t want people all in my business.”
These days, your social media status is the gold standard of relationship definition, so if he refuses to change it from “Single” to “In a Relationship” with you, then he just doesn’t want any commitment with you.
#4 Last minute tango. The thing with you being a side chick is that he knows you’re always available for him. You may often drop everything on your plate when he calls you up for a last minute “date.” Therefore, he knows that when his main girl is mad at him, or that ex he clearly still has feelings for doesn’t want to go out with him, he can call you up last minute. After all, he already made a reservation and is wearing his best suit.
#6 Can’t move on. If you’re his ex, he still keeps you around, which makes you feel in a total limbo as to what you really mean to him. After breaking up with you, he still calls you up and talks to you like he used to do when you were together, but you know he is out on the prowl for a new girlfriend, especially when he tells you about this new girl he’s seeing.
#7 Holiday cheer for one. You spend your holidays alone, and each time you try to hint that he should spend a few holidays with you, he always says he has other plans in mind. Worse, you prepare that humongous Thanksgiving turkey, only to be stood up. Guess what – he probably has his Plan A having dinner with his family right at that moment.
#8 Let’s see. After going out for a while, he now has you wrapped around his fingers. And whenever you make any move to talk about any future with him, you always hear “Let’s see” from him, along with phrases like, “Let’s just enjoy the moment,” “Let’s see where this goes,” or “We never know what will happen…”
#9 Ticking time bomb. You find yourself counting the hours and days to when he will ask you out again, come over, communicate, or just be ready to be in a real relationship with you. You ask yourself, “What’s going on?” and you wonder if you’re just wasting time. When you start thinking about this, you probably are, because let’s face it one of these days, he’ll find someone he really likes more than you.
#10 “So you’re his…?” He’s got you tucked in an isolated compartment in his life, so not only does his family have no idea you exist – his friends don’t even know you either. You never go out with his friends, and he never introduced you to anyone close to him. So when you both happen to bump into his close office colleague, the guy just gives you a confused look as your supposed “boyfriend” introduces you as “my friend.”
#11 Pet problem. He won’t share any responsibility with you at all, let alone a pet. While psychologists say that shared responsibilities and shared material things, such as sharing debts or a place to live, are signs of closeness in a romantic relationship, anything other than that is trouble for you. If he shudders at the thought of owning a dog with you, even if you both love dogs, that’s a pretty obvious signs he doesn’t want to get any closer to you than he already is.
#12 Marriage proposal. That is, 10 years down the road. When he tells you, “If we’re not married by the time we’re 40, let’s just marry each other.” Although it sounds like something out of a romantic and twisted young adult novel, it’s really not as wonderful as you think it is. What he’s telling you is exactly this: He has a few years or so to look for someone he’d really want to commit to, and if all else fails, you’ll be there for him. How convenient.
#13 Walls up. When your friends call you out for still having the guy in your life, because it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to commit to you and is just leaving you hanging, you defend him. You make excuses to your friends for how he treats you by saying, “He’s not ready and I’m not ready either. We’re just enjoying each other and the moment,” and go on and on explaining why it’s all okay. The thing is, you’re not only defending him, you’re trying to make sense of it all to yourself, because deep inside, you know something’s not right.
So there you have it – an open-your-eyes lowdown on the signs that you are, sadly, just a side chick.
While the hopeless romantic in you is still holding out hope that he will one day come around, sweep you up in his arms, and shout out to the world that you’re his girlfriend, the reality is this: It may never happen. If the things above check out with your significant other, then you know for sure that you are not on top of his list.
And now, it’s up to you whether to stay and keep hoping to someday be the front runner instead of a backup babe, or up and run away as fast as you can. The choice is up to you.