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Is It A Requirement That Men Bring Something To The “Table?”

Dating & Relationships / September 2, 2015

Recently a friend of mine posted this on Facebook and my blood immediately began to boil.  This is what he posted:

“I meet so many women who will block their own blessing by EXPECTING a man to bring something to the imaginary table. When in reality if u holding it down it shouldn’t matter what he brings, cause u got this.  ‪#‎strongindependent‬ ‪#‎idontneednoman

That is totally some BULLSHIT!  Here’s the thing, it’s not an expectation but a REQUIREMENT for a man to bring something to the table. If a woman works her ass to get where she needs to be, it is a requirement that the man in her life be at least half way where she is, if not better.

In your 20’s, it may be okay to get with someone who has potential. In your 30’s and 40’s, he should be striving to attain the things that he wants in life and has accomplished several of his goals. No one has time, for potential in their 30’s and 40’s…PERIOD. The table isn’t imaginary and no one has time to take care of a man. If a man has nothing to offer but promises of what he dreams of being, a big dick and potential…he can’t sit at my table….PERIOD!!

Now that you have heard my response, here is what several other women had to say:

“I’m sorry I make too much money and have too many life goals and material possessions as you call it to be holding any man down. I’m independent yes but I don’t have time to be taking care of any male but my 9-year-old son. Period, point-blank. I refuse to take care or hold down as you say any grown ass men.”

“I can’t with this post. It’s so hilarious to me that men seem to judge women based on what they have and want. Calling them, bitches, hoes, gold diggers and such. But expect a woman who has paid her dues, Independent, owns a home or have her own apt, a career and such to take care of “So -Called Grown Ass Man” that’s a little boy with real man dreams. If a man is already established and has his own and a woman asks for anything, she’s lazy, a gold digger. GTFOH with that BS!”

“That’s how they talk… Like they don’t need a man fa SHIT…. I b DAMED if I say some dumb shit like that cuz I do need a man to b embrace me, smack me on my ass when I come out the kitchen, fix a part on my car when I don’t feel like doing it, load my gun when I was to busy to do it, help me fold our laundry after I’ve washed, b my best friend as we grow old in diapers sitting on the porch lookin at the kids playin in the streets, and some good old fashion love-making…. U DAMN RIGHT I need my MAN! Fuck a bitter butt ASS broad who has been hurt by one, takes it out on the world and hasn’t had time getting up off that couch full of misery!”


“Um it does matter what a man brings to the table. Now money is not the only thing a man can bring to the table. See if he has a skill that can be utilized he is still a worthy man. A woman needs to know what is that mans intentions that seeks her. I do not advise a woman to engage a male any further if he has nothing to offer. Now if he was misled throughout his life and need guidance to get on the status a man need to be on, then I’m all for that HELPMEET. Because again these men I mentioned has brought something to the table. And we all know “The Table” is an expression that represent: a meeting of the mind, a place where the two come to an agreement.” 

“I don’t know if you know, but a lot of guys these days are using women financially and awakening good women hearts with no intentions of loving her.”

“We didn’t say we don’t need or want a man. We said we want a Real man who got at least half his fuckin ducks in a row.”

“Imaginary? LOL the table is real….so is the bills and everything else on it. Yes we can hold it down but we don’t want any dead weight added to it….I won’t kick him when he’s down but he better figure out how to get up cause I got enough to carry~”

“Any woman that allows a man to enter into her home or her life with nothing to contribute is a FOOL!!! Also a man knows he is out of line if he is taking from a woman and not giving in return. You don’t have a steady job then you must be a handyman; mechanic, bob the builder, a chef, housekeeper, protector like POOKIE.”

“Wow, u putting all us good hard-working women in a class u have no right to speak on! I don’t have the time anymore to be taking care of any got damn man or holding him down until he can figure shit out! There are plenty of men who ain’t shit brah! Don’t be one of them! Been there and done that! Hell yeah if u ain’t bringing shit to my got damn table then get to stepping!!! Love does not pay the fuckin bills!!!!”

“Hell yes I was married for 15 years not his in-house hoe! His mutha fuckin wife and he didn’t work for the last six years of our marriage carried that man literally on my back when he couldn’t walk! Smh I’m so pissed off with these fucked up posts.” Smh and that so-called good man of mine started seeing another broad during the time my mama was dying because I wasn’t going to his gigs. So that’s why I will overlook a so-called good man with no goals no JOB no car no home! Fuck that and believe that!”

I don’t agree. I’m strong & holding it down but I don’t need or want a man who will bring me down & bring more stress instead of adding to help build this empire.”

“I disagree it’s not expecting…but if he can’t bring nothing to the table…he needs not be in your life.”

“Who wants dead weight male or female?? Why would anyone in their right mind want to be saddled with someone to hinder them?? I don’t understand this post.”
“It’s funny how everybody is worried about what each other can bring to the table. I’ve made double and most times triple the amount of money and have much more material things than them. My only requirement is that she is gainfully employed and enjoys what she does IF she is ABLE to. I’ve seen a lot of women lose out on GOOD men because he didn’t bring “ENOUGH” to the table. What happened to loving people because of who they are and how they make you feel?”

“I can respect that because regardless of how much the other person makes, I would expect any adult to be gainfully employed. I don’t care what you do as long as you’re making an honest living and making an attempt at self-sufficiency. Nobody wants someone who’s just waiting to be taken care of and doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of??”

What Say You?
Is it a requirement for a man to bring something to the table?
Should women stop worrying about what a man has and focus on his heart?

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on September 10, 2015

I agree with you. No man in his 30s or 40s should still be trying to find himself. He better have his shyt together before he steps to me. I am not carrying ANYONE else. PERIOD!

    on September 17, 2015

    I totally agree with you Mznewy but seems men think that we need to “help” them. They should really knock it off!

on September 19, 2016

Agreed. I’ve worked hard to create a life I love (work in progress) and become the best me. I put in the work. And I expect a mad who has made a similar commitment to himself.

on September 19, 2016

Haha! He doesn’t have to bring something to my table. He needs to bring HIS OWN table and we put it side by side! 🙂 .

on September 19, 2016

Allow me to offer this consideration: every one sets the table differently. #relationshipgoals should be more about how you complement one another versus how you compare. Admittedly, I’ve been married for 14 years, so I haven’t dated in a very long time.

on September 19, 2016

Yeah I can’t with these women that want to coddle men into staying with them. It’s so hard out here for single Black women these days. SO hard.

on September 19, 2016

A man can have a good heart all he wants but if he has no ambition to get his butt up off the couch and work, then his heart can stay at his mama’s house. #iaintsorry

on September 19, 2016

I love your blog and point of view. I’ve been married for 10 years and out of the dating game forever, but I agree that women need to set expectations.

on September 19, 2016

I agree, you must bring something to the table. Support, love help around the house, cook and make money too!!! Haaaa!!

on September 20, 2016

Honey, miss their blessings? Girl she needed a cyber slap! I cant! Yes, a man should absolutely bring something to the table. It doesnt HAVE to be money, but it better be something useful!

on September 20, 2016

I’m still in the dating game, and bringing things to the table is a requirement for the men I’m interested in getting to know. Ambition and drive as well as accomplishments are required. If he has none of those things as a foundation, “tell that boy BYE!” #SorryNotSorry

on September 20, 2016

It is a requirement that we BOTH bring something to the table. I can’t do anything with potential, that is a disappointment waiting to happen.

What we can do is put what we each have together and work towards more.

on September 20, 2016

Preach it! I can’t with the lazy men that don’t want to do anything, but live off an established woman. It irks me so much. They just take take and take some more. It’s sad because there are a number of women that allow it just because it means they have a man.

    on September 20, 2016

    Exactly and then those women mess it up for those of us who aren’t going for that mess!

on September 20, 2016

At 30 and older, he needs to be bringing a whole lot to the table! A relationship should be 2 complete people and at that point he should be progressing in his career and personal life.

    on September 20, 2016

    AMEN!!! No one has time for a man who can’t bring NOTHING!

on September 21, 2016

If you have goals and get involved with a man who doesn’t, the relationship will be unbalanced and you will be miserable. Why? Because success breeds success. You need to be with someone who compliments your success by being able to give you ideas. You both should be brainstorming new strategies together on how to win in this world. If this is not something you can do together, then move on. As Sweet Brown says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

on September 23, 2016

What kind of blessing is a lazy man? If you aren’t building this empire with me, boy bye!

    on September 23, 2016

    That is such a great point. I would say that he is not a blessing at all but some women just want a man and are willing to look over such a big “fault.”

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