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So What You Saying?
Hi Single Mommy!
This weekend I talked to a mutual friend of a guy I really liked. She told me that she saw on his fb page a pic of him with another female at a business event. She said when she called and asked him if that was his girlfriend, he said he didn’t know her. Furthermore, she told me that he had been telling her for years (they’ve been friends for a long time) that he’s gonna marry her. They’ve also had conversations about me, where she told him I’d make a good wife for him. This is the first time she’s told me about him flirting with her. I told her she was getting me depressed about this, but she tried to comfort me by saying that was in the past. I’m thinking all this time he was flirting with me, he’s flirting with her as well.
As I further talked with her she said that she “cares” about him. But toward the end of our conversation she said she’s gonna unfriend him on fb because he plays games too much. She told me not to tell him that she told me this. I understand that he’s not my boyfriend, but I couldn’t help but wonder why she chose to tell me this now. Since then I felt awkward talking to her about him, and felt like I was “competing” with her. I’ve moved on from him, and have limited communication with her. On a few rare occasions, she and I have had cordial text conversations but that’s it. I no longer have anything against her, but for some reason I limit my conversation with her. What are your thoughts?
Is My Friend a Hater?
Dear Is My Friend a Hater,
First of all, I would use the word “friend” very loosely here. As your “friend,” she knew how you felt about this guy so why would she bring up the fact that he flirted with her and told her that he was gonna marry her? She had to know that this would hurt your feelings, given your feelings for him. What really sucks is that she “cares” about him, as well.
We always do things for a reason and while I don’t presume to know her reasons, I would bet money on the fact that she wanted you to know in the hope that it would deter you from pursuing anything further with him. Had I been her and those things did indeed happen and I would just tell my friend that this guy wasn’t any good. I wouldn’t try to hurt her feelings with details because it just isn’t cool.