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7 Signs He’s Emotionally Off Limits

Dating & Relationships / March 10, 2015

Do you have a tragic habit of attracting the wrong kind of men into your life over and over again? Men who are afraid of commitment or just flat out don’t want a relationship?

It’s  frustrating to spend time trying to make things work out with what may actually be a lost cause.

How do you know beforehand that a man is emotionally off limits? The answer’s been in front of you the whole time.

1. He’s already in a relationship with someone else.

This one is obvious. If he’s in a relationship with someone else, then he isn’t emotionally available to have a relationship with you.

I don’t care if he says the divorce is “in the works” or that he’s going to leave her soon. Until he is actually out of the relationship, he isn’t emotionally available to you.

2. He’s not ready for a relationship.

Maybe he flat out told you that he just isn’t ready for a relationship yet. If that’s the case, you should take him at his word: he isn’t ready.

No, you can’t change him. Your feelings for him are not enough to make him suddenly want to be in a relationship and settle down. He’s more likely to stay exactly the way you found him.

3. He’s self-absorbed.

If his focus is always on himself, he just doesn’t have the emotional capacity to have a great relationship with you.

All of his energy is fed into his own life, fueling his ego and only looking out for himself. If that’s the case, then there just isn’t room in his life or his heart for you, too.

4. He’s a conflict-avoider.

If he isn’t willing to address conflict in his life, then he is probably also emotionally unavailable. Men who are uncomfortable with a certain emotion such as anger, frustration, or anything else, are likely also uncomfortable with emotion in general.

It’s normal to want to avoid unpleasant experiences in life, however, you cannot eliminate or completely avoid an entire emotion without completely choking yourself off from experiencing all of your emotions.

5. He’s indecisive.

Having a hard time committing to things in general in life is another sign of emotional unavailability. This is because second-guessing and otherwise being only halfway “in” anything means that he is afraid of bringing 100% of himself to what he does.

If he isn’t ready to bring all of himself to something as simple as his career, his workout routine, or anything else that he claims is important to him, what makes you think he’ll be committed  to a relationship with you?

6. He ignores his own needs.

Sometimes men will go into care taking mode and try to take care of everyone else’s needs around them. Although this may seem charming at first, it often comes at the expense of not getting his own needs met.

In the end it’s hard to tell where he really stands. He’s so disassociated from himself that he’s barely “there” at all. And if he isn’t even there, how can he be emotionally available for you?

7. He has very specific expectations for you.

Of course, it’s good to have standards, but expectations can be limiting. They turn the process of having a relationship from actually enjoying one another to more of a matter of finding someone to play a role in your life, whether that role be “girlfriend” or “wife.”

And when he starts to see you as a role in his life, it’s going to be difficult to connect with you as a person. Instead it’s all going to be about how well you fit the role. That isn’t the kind of relationship that I imagine you want for yourself.

You may find emotionally unavailable men in your life. Maybe you’re even in a relationship with one right now.

The important thing to know is that you cannot change him. How you found him is how he is likely to stay. Yes, he can change. Yes, he might change. However, you should not bank on him doing it any time soon.

Simply decide if you are willing to be in a relationship with him just the way he is. If you aren’t, then it’s time to cut ties and find someone new.

This article appeared first on Your Tango.


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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14 Comments

on December 12, 2016

RUN!!! That’s what I think when I read this post! I remember dealing with a few guys like this and looking back I should’ve told myself to RUN!!! You only get hurt in the end if you decide to stay! Just my personal opinion on it!!

on December 12, 2016

Haha! Number one and two are definitely true. So many mistakes of the past. Yeah..like Carissa said.. Run! Run and keep running 🙂

on December 12, 2016

I am a relationship coach and although I have to agree with a few points…the post was very vague. It just repeated the same points over and over. All of them are valid, but what else do you have to offer the reader on this topic?

    on December 12, 2016

    Hi Stephanie,
    Great question as this post was a repost from Your Tango. Perhaps you would like to share some insight or perhaps contribute an article on the topic since you are the expert?

on December 13, 2016

I know I’ve had my time of clouded judgement. I ignored red flags and all. Looking back it wasn’t worth it. Don’t be that girl.

on December 13, 2016

YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM. I repeat, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM. Or her for that matter. It doesn’t matter how well you cook, how much you offer, or how good you think you look in those jeans YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM. That’s work he’s got to do on his own. If he’s not ready, walk away.

on December 13, 2016

These sound about right to me. I dont like hearing women talk about how they can make a man change if they marry him or stay in the relationship long enough. No one can be forced to change. I would say if you see all these red flags, just turn around and run for the hills!

on December 13, 2016

Great article with some very valid points! If you are aware of the red flags you can avoid a lot of bs .

on December 13, 2016

Great points! Uncle Steve always says a man will change, but he’ll only change for one woman. See the signs early and bounce if you’re not that one!

on December 13, 2016

Whoa. I hope that people are really understanding what you said here. That doing for everybody else first business? That sucks. Especially when you and he become one… then you are part of him, and get put behind everyone else too. Good stuff.

on December 14, 2016

These are very important tips! Number one alone is important. I know many people, both men and women, choose to get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. It’s not a good idea for so many reasons. I also agree with you on not involving yourself with someone who has very specific expectations of you. It’s important to find a partner who isn’t trying to change you or control you.

on December 16, 2016

That is when you back up and quickly run away. Def points to keep in mind when wondering about a relationship.

on December 19, 2016

This was an interesting article and not vague at all. Even men in relationships need to be mindful of these emotions. Great job, queen!



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