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Breaking Free From Heartbreak This Valentine’s Day With Troy Byer

Dating & Relationships / Entertainment & Celebrities / Slider / Slides / February 13, 2015

Many know Troy Byer, as an actress in countless movies such as, John Q, The Gingerbread Man, B.A.P.S and Eddie, as well as television shows like A Different World and Dynasty, while others know her from her work behind the camera as the screenwriter of such films as B.A.P.S and Love Don’t Cost a Thing. What you may not know about Troy is that she is passionate about helping people who are suffering from heartbreak. Dubbed “The Super Hero of healing people with heartbreak” by Steve Harvey, Troy Byer’s new book, Ex-Free 9 Keys To Freedom After Heartbreak takes people through the process of dealing with, getting over and moving on from the loss of a relationship.

Troy is no stranger to heartbreak. She was engaged to an Italian Physician who dumped her on Christmas Eve. “I thought, his parents did not want him to be married to a woman who was half black and in Show Business. He recently told me, after 25 years, that he dumped me because my career as an actress did not provide the level of stability he desired. His exact words were, “I needed to know what tomorrow would bring.”

I had the opportunity to interview Troy Byer and dish about her new book, new movie, relationships and heartbreak. Here are the highlights…

Troy Byer on her advice to a woman who is going through a breakup and/or divorce?

Get present to two things:

  1.  What value did you get out of the relationship?
  2.  What did you detest about your partner? Because whatever you had an aversion to, believe it or not, lives somewhere in you. So, find it, handle it, dissolve it, and then you will no longer have to experience it. ICKY job, I know.

Troy Byer on what “Ex-Free 9 Keys to Freedom After Heartbreak” is it all about?

I wrote the book on the heels of my very successful divorce with my ex-husband. My friends, to this day, marvel at the level of our affinity, and I am certain we are close because we chose to let the KEYS described in my book be our guide. We gave up making each other wrong and chose to view each breakdown as an opportunity to have a breakthrough. And that is what my book, Ex-Free, is all about: Breakdown vs Breakthrough.

Troy Byer on her appearance The Steve Harvey Show and the 3 categories that women fall into after a heartbreak. 

Well, on the Steve Harvey show I spoke of 3 distinctive areas women fell in to. However, truth be told, those areas were created by the producers of the show, not me.

In my experience, when it comes to heartbreak, countless are the categories women fall into inside of their commitment to dealing with their pain or getting their exes back. What is worth noting is that the behavior we portray all stems from one place and that is the need and desire to be desired and adored by those we desire and adore. Desire and adoration disappear when admiration is gone. So, the access to it all is being someone you admire, and when you can BE that for you, chances are great that you become that for others. All that other stuff about being the “Tolerator,” “Denier” or whatever is all a band-aid.

Troy Byer on how to get over a heartbreak?

The easiest way to get over heartbreak is to create a new label for your former partner. The process of re-labeling your ex allows the brain to do a bit of re-filing, if you will. When we are suffering over the loss of an ex, it’s often because our brain’s perception doesn’t match our heart’s expectations or experiences. The human brain requires a sense of comprehensive order or it will reject whatever information it receives. In other words, until the mind’s perception is a match for the heart’s experience, there is a glitch in the system; reality is warped and confusion and upset prevails.

Troy Byer on the Heartbreak Recovery Counseling Workshops and why they are beneficial to people going through heartbreak?

HRC is designed to provide an environment in which women and men can truly express their pain and BE GOTTEN. Sometimes all we want is for someone to truly hear us and it is then that we feel gotten and therefore able to better heal.

Troy Byer on her film, “I Really Hate My Ex?”

My book was having such a profound impact on my friends who read it, I began to wonder how I could go about impacting a larger audience. As a filmmaker, making a film about the “healing after heartbreak” seemed to be the next logic step, inside of my commitment to bring my message to the masses.

Troy Byer on her recommendation for anyone who is single this Valentine’s Day

Celebrate!! Celebrate self-love and acceptance, and when you can fully and truly do that, in the future, being alone on Valentine’s Day will truly be by choice. I know because that is exactly what I am experiencing this year, and I cannot stop clapping – it’s a celebration. PS: Flip side is having to be with someone you don’t like and sell out on yourself for the sake of a romantic “commercial” holiday so you don’t hurt the feelings of someone you don’t even want to be with. Weird – I agree.

You can learn more about Troy Byer at & you can watch the trailer to her new film, “I Really Hate My Ex” here.




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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on February 13, 2017

I’ve never understood the people that are full of hate when it comes to their exes to tell the truth. I have remained friends with my exes at various times and still consider 2 of them close friends and we see each other whenever l visit L.A. Kudos to Troy for engineering a success divorce and the Italian guy sounds like a twat. He should have been upfront.

on February 13, 2017

I don’t think I’ve ever had an ex I really hated (well, except for that one). It’s great to be able to move on without any malice or hard feelings. Troy’s tips are right on time for Valentine’s Day.

on February 13, 2017

Thanks for sharing this information. I wasn’t aware that she had a new movie out. The trailer looks hilarious…not necessarily something I would do, but I would definitely go see that movie with my girls. Thanks.

on February 13, 2017

Heartbreak Recovery Counseling? That was new to me. But, I imagine it can be helpful. I always tried to remain friendly or cordial with my exes. Most importantly for me was that we both realize that we werent meant for one another.

on February 14, 2017

I can relate to hating my ex but I’m more mad at myself when I think about it than hating him. You know when you have no business with someone and I knew. Fortunately and unfortunately at the same time a child came of it. Had that not happened we’d probably be be cool but trying to raise a decent human with someone who knows nothing about being decent is fairly hard. Lol. Great interview. I digress. Lol

on February 14, 2017

I think we have all experienced some type of heartbreak at some point and it can be rough to get through and get over. She gives some good tips to help get through it in a healthy way.

    on February 14, 2017

    Heartbreaks can be tough but some people can’t seem to get over it. I agree. Her tips are great for those trying to figure it out.

on February 14, 2017

I don’t hate any of my exes. It just didn’t work out. I definitely agree with celebrating yourself on Valentine’s Day and everyday. If you don’t, nobody will. Great tips.

    on February 14, 2017

    This is true. You need to celebrate yourself, for sure.

on February 14, 2017

I would love to watch the film. When will it be aired?

on February 15, 2017


on February 15, 2017

These were great tips that go past Valentine’s Day! I need to remind myself to continually celebrate!

on February 15, 2017

Thanks for sharing these great tips

on February 16, 2017

Thanks for sharing this information. Troy Byer has great advice. The best thing, as she says, is to celebrate. I am passing the link to this article to my friends who are dealing with heartbreak. Great post!

on February 17, 2017

To be honest, before I got married, I was never in a situation where I felt like I hated my ex. Trying to look on the bright side, I would just be grateful that i saw the true version of them before getting married! Great info and great advice!

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