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So What You Saying?
Many know Troy Byer, as an actress in countless movies such as, John Q, The Gingerbread Man, B.A.P.S and Eddie, as well as television shows like A Different World and Dynasty, while others know her from her work behind the camera as the screenwriter of such films as B.A.P.S and Love Don’t Cost a Thing. What you may not know about Troy is that she is passionate about helping people who are suffering from heartbreak. Dubbed “The Super Hero of healing people with heartbreak” by Steve Harvey, Troy Byer’s new book, Ex-Free 9 Keys To Freedom After Heartbreak takes people through the process of dealing with, getting over and moving on from the loss of a relationship.
Troy is no stranger to heartbreak. She was engaged to an Italian Physician who dumped her on Christmas Eve. “I thought, his parents did not want him to be married to a woman who was half black and in Show Business. He recently told me, after 25 years, that he dumped me because my career as an actress did not provide the level of stability he desired. His exact words were, “I needed to know what tomorrow would bring.”
I had the opportunity to interview Troy Byer and dish about her new book, new movie, relationships and heartbreak. Here are the highlights…
Get present to two things:
I wrote the book on the heels of my very successful divorce with my ex-husband. My friends, to this day, marvel at the level of our affinity, and I am certain we are close because we chose to let the KEYS described in my book be our guide. We gave up making each other wrong and chose to view each breakdown as an opportunity to have a breakthrough. And that is what my book, Ex-Free, is all about: Breakdown vs Breakthrough.
Well, on the Steve Harvey show I spoke of 3 distinctive areas women fell in to. However, truth be told, those areas were created by the producers of the show, not me.
In my experience, when it comes to heartbreak, countless are the categories women fall into inside of their commitment to dealing with their pain or getting their exes back. What is worth noting is that the behavior we portray all stems from one place and that is the need and desire to be desired and adored by those we desire and adore. Desire and adoration disappear when admiration is gone. So, the access to it all is being someone you admire, and when you can BE that for you, chances are great that you become that for others. All that other stuff about being the “Tolerator,” “Denier” or whatever is all a band-aid.
The easiest way to get over heartbreak is to create a new label for your former partner. The process of re-labeling your ex allows the brain to do a bit of re-filing, if you will. When we are suffering over the loss of an ex, it’s often because our brain’s perception doesn’t match our heart’s expectations or experiences. The human brain requires a sense of comprehensive order or it will reject whatever information it receives. In other words, until the mind’s perception is a match for the heart’s experience, there is a glitch in the system; reality is warped and confusion and upset prevails.
HRC is designed to provide an environment in which women and men can truly express their pain and BE GOTTEN. Sometimes all we want is for someone to truly hear us and it is then that we feel gotten and therefore able to better heal.
My book was having such a profound impact on my friends who read it, I began to wonder how I could go about impacting a larger audience. As a filmmaker, making a film about the “healing after heartbreak” seemed to be the next logic step, inside of my commitment to bring my message to the masses.
Celebrate!! Celebrate self-love and acceptance, and when you can fully and truly do that, in the future, being alone on Valentine’s Day will truly be by choice. I know because that is exactly what I am experiencing this year, and I cannot stop clapping – it’s a celebration. PS: Flip side is having to be with someone you don’t like and sell out on yourself for the sake of a romantic “commercial” holiday so you don’t hurt the feelings of someone you don’t even want to be with. Weird – I agree.