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My Daddy Always Says Bad Words To You

Single Moms Talk / December 23, 2014

A few days ago I took my son to the barbershop for his regular haircut. But, this time we both left with a bit more.

You see, in the middle of getting his hair cut my son leaped out of the barber chair. He was mad because he got hair on his face and refused to finish getting his hair cut. I scolded him. I told him that he was too big to cry about something so small when all he had to do was wipe his face off.

His response, “You’re a crybaby. My daddy always says bad words to you and then you cry. I can hear you crying in my bed.”

I was shocked, embarrassed even.  I didn’t even know how to react other than to give him a stern, “Be quite, right now.” Luckily, he listened and the tantrum came to an end. While the barbers in the shop applauded me for reacting to my sons miniature tantrum by talking to him verses “whooping his ass” all I could think of was what he said.

It’s been almost a year since my relationship with his father ended and it only lasted a few months to begin with. It’s been months since we’ve even had an argument that resulted in me crying. But still, my son remembers. He never mentions the good times we shared as a family but this… he remembered and he taunted me with my own painful memories.

It hurt.

It hurt me to know that those are the experiences my son remembers about my relationship with his father. It hurts me to think about how he must have felt and what he must have thought as he listened to us argue. It made me think about my childhood and the misconstrued perception of love I developed from watching the toxic relationship of my parents play out for so many years.

It hurt. But, it helped both of us more in the end.

sad woman

When my son made that comment it showed me that the notion that children hear, see and understand more than we think isn’t just a notion at all… it’s a fact.  As a parent I have to remind myself daily with everything I do that he’s watching, observing and learning from my experiences. How I allow myself to be treated in a relationship will set the standard for not only how he allows himself to be treated but how he treats others…especially women.

His comment gave me an opportunity. So when we left the barbershop instead of disciplining my son for his tantrum and disrespect, I talked to him. I talked to my son about the acceptable and unacceptable ways to treat people. I talked to my son about how he felt when his father said bad words and made me cry. I explained to him how it made me feel and why people who love each other don’t treat each other that way.

After that conversation my son apologized. We shared a big hug and kiss and went on with our day. I just hope going forward that it’s conversations like these and healthier relationship choices from myself that shape his perception on love and relationships as a man.

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Ebony Delaware
Ebony Delaware is a proud single mommy, writer and speaker with a passion for empowering and inspiring teenage girls and women. Ebony uses her personal blog, journeyiime to share her experiences of struggle and triumph to encourage women to take control of their situations in order to create the life they want for themselves. Ebony spends her free with family, friends and her mentee. She resides in Martinsburg, WV with her 5 year old son, Malachi.

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on December 23, 2014

Great post! Thanks so much for sharing such a personal moment with us. I have an 18 year old son and have raised him alone his entire life. Your son sounds like he’s an amazing kid!

    on December 23, 2014

    Thank you Sophia and you’re welcome! This wasn’t an easy experience to share, as I mentioned in my post… I was embarrassed. But, I think as single mothers it’s important for us to share and talk about the difficult things so we can learn from one another! I commend you for raising your son alone for so long, I can only imagine how difficult it is. I’m hoping that my one day my sons father will want to be involved. Looking back on your experiences, can you share a piece of advice for me as a mother raising a son? My son is 5, so I still have a long ways to go!

on December 23, 2014

It is a daily thing. To remind ourselves that we are imparting something into our kids, whether good or bad. We are never alone when they are around even if they are not in the same room. We are a mirror for them. What they give us (whether in their actions or body language, etc.) is exactly what they see / hear from us. You did a great thing by talking to him, he is a person too and EVERYTHING that affects you affects him. Good job Mom! Thanks for sharing.

    on December 23, 2014

    Thanks for sharing your comment Barbarann. I agree with you 100%, especially when you said that our children are a mirror image of us. Every day I see more and more of myself in my son (good & bad). That motivates me to keep striving to be the best person I can be.

    I always make it a point to talk and explain things to my son as well as allow him to ask questions and voice his opinion. I try to steer clear of the “do it because I said so” mentality. However, a lot of my friends say that I talk too much and that makes me less if an authority figure. Can you share your opinion? It seems like you place a lot of value on talking to your kids and respecting them as individuals.

on January 15, 2015

Sometimes, as parents we need that wake up call to make us realize what it’s really about and that’s our kids.
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