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Why I Don’t Nag My Husband

Dating & Relationships / November 11, 2014

When I met my spouse almost ten years ago, I knew he was going to be my husband. No, I don’t believe in soul-mates or “the one” and all of that jazz, but I knew surely as I knew my name that this was the man God intended for me as my husband. And so, I began to consider what kind of wife I wanted to be to him. I wanted to be the kind of wife who was his blessing and a “crown and glory” at all times.

Why I Don't Nag My Husband

I’m not one for reinventing the wheel, because if it’s been done before and done right, there’s no need, but I noticed that many of the lessons I learned from other women or behaviors that were touted as “the way things are” where marriage was concerned were, deficient and destructive. First and foremost of those was nagging. I grew up around women who nagged their husbands, listened to jokes about women who nag their men and men who rolled their eyes heavenward as if praying for the strength to have just a little more patience with a wife who treated him like he was a child because she nagged him so much. And I knew then as strongly as I know now, I did NOT want to be a wife who nagged her husband.

Why oh why do we nag our men? I have a friend who recently confessed that she nags her husband constantly about any and everything. I asked her what would happen if she just quietly stated her request one time and moved on? She did not know as she had never done this before. This was shocking to me. This was a woman who went into marriage believing that she had to nag her husband.  She did not even have precedent to justify the nagging. Where did she learn this? Why did she think this was acceptable behavior?

Why I Don't Nag My Husband

Ladies, let us think for a moment. We have married good men who are wonderful, caring, good providers, work hard for their family, take care of us when we need them to and good fathers.

If we married them believing to be the wonderful men that they are, why do we think that we have to treat them like children?

What does nagging accomplish? Really, think about it. You ask your husband to do something and then spend the next several days or weeks or however long constantly nagging him instead of simply letting him do it. And then he gets resentful because you’re treating him like a little boy and not a man and instead of getting up to do what you asked, he drags his feet. And you nag some more. And he drags his feet some more. The cycle continues until he grudgingly does it. OR you nag so much that he does what you ask just to shut you instead of doing it because he wants to please you.

I am here to tell you, there is a better way. We do not need to nag these good men with which God has blessed us.

The next time you feel the need to nag your husband, try this instead: quietly and respectfully state your request.

And then sit back and allow your husband to comply because he loves you and wants to please you. And when he does do what you asked (not if but WHEN), be sure to thank him. A husband serving you out of his love for you is much nicer than one who does it to shut you up.

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Marisa Shelby
Marisa Shelby is the author of the personal style blog I Feel Pretty at She is also on twitter @MarisaShelby.

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on October 26, 2012

I loved reading this! Although I am
Not a wife yet I feel as though I am guilty of this from time to time. I feel as though my nagging is more so me feening for attention. Because I love the way he loves meeh! I am very appreciative of my my honey and I too will be more patient as I
Wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world

on October 27, 2012

Great read! I watched my mom nag my dad growing up, so I thought that was what I was suppose to do. After almost 14 years of marriage I finally figured out forget nagging! Besides, I was getting on my own nerves!! For me, I just had to learn that my husband is not a mind reader and he is an individual with an entirely different background than mine. With that being said, he may not have the same priorities about something that I may have. Instead of nagging or blaming, speak calmly (try) about what concerns you.

on October 27, 2012

That’s a great read! I hope to be a wife like you and not nag my husband. I try to catch myself with my boyfriend. I want to be a fun and supportive woman ;).

on November 2, 2013

[…] by a wife is a voluntary act of love, not a right of a husband.  The husband should love the wife in such a way that she will be happy to follow his leadership. […]

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