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I rarely participate in discussions related to topics I have no knowledge of…scratch that, have experience on the topic, along with facts to back up my opinions. However I’m going to chop and screw this union entitled marriage in an attempt to understand the reminiscent thoughts and logical factors regarding a person’s view on the subject. Let’s be clear…I’ve never signed a marriage certificate in my life. And I will go further and make a statement that I have been a long-term relationship which entailed the commingling of funds, sharing a domicile, and procreating life. Oh! For approximately twelve years. This was not an on again, off again relationship either. No breaks! Most people may scoff at this “shacking up” scenario I just explained but the dissolution of our union did not end due to financial difficulties, infidelity or irreconcilable differences.
So now that I got my background credentials out-of-the-way in regards to my “expertise” on this subject, I shall begin the gripe. How do you establish a relationship with a person who openly tells you they have never seen a marriage without infidelity? I guess to a degree of believing that all WOMEN cheat! That’s right…this came from a man. From friends, to family and his own marriage…the hope for a faithful woman remains at the earth core…burnt to hell!
Women, what role have we played in this man’s logic and mindset to make him believe that it’s virtually impossible to marry a faithful woman. Now the flip side of him disclosing this information to me could be…game. I highly doubt it though, because the scenarios he shared with me sounded like some typical “f*ck sh*t” (couldn’t think of any other way to explain it) I’ve seen and heard. What was it? As a child he had seen all of his female family members cheat while married. Sometimes, we as women give ourselves too much credit and believe that we cheat the best. Like that’s some mess to be proud of. Of course guys share their marital problems with friends, except their guy friends don’t treat the woman any differently. While playing coy in your own situation to avenge the act by reciprocating it…tit for tat does not solve the problem either.
How do we get back to loving people for who they are and not what they can do (financially, sexually, status)? The main reason people cheat is lack of attention. My recommendations below are for married people or those playing married (it’s a joke).
Make a commitment to support your mate and see how far your relationship goes. You may not always know how stressful life outside of the relationship can be for the other person, so be the shoulder they can lean on. Also, be less selfish and use discretion when your partner is busy or stressed out. Sex is not always the answer. One of the complaints men have is that women are not as domesticated as they should be. If you have the luxury of staying home all day, make sure your mate comes home to a clean house and a meal. Tranquility in the home is a necessity or else your mate will go searching for it somewhere else.
I worked and my ex stayed home, our home was clean and food to eat. (Even if he had friends over) He was a Mr. Mom for a little while and it worked for us.
Compromise with your mate as a way to gain support. This reciprocity in action.
The tables turned after our third child, I became the stay-at-home mom for a little while and made sure the home was clean and meal prepared.
Build trust by following up on your word! The main reason I lose faith in people is due to their lack of follow-up. A change in plans should at least be acknowledged with an apology, explanation or both!
My ex would get on my nerves by calling just to keep me abreast of his progress while working late, but NOW I get it! I appreciate that about him and miss that part of the well…
As those were a few short and simple tips for maintaining a marriage with less opportunity for infidelity. The wrap up for this post is…people won’t change their mindset overnight and if you use your own integrity to SHOW them a different type of person, you both could be on the road to having the relationship of your dreams.
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Photo Credits: healthyblackwoman.com, afro-conscient.com, blackloveisabeautifulthing.tumblr.com