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My Confessions

Dating & Relationships / October 23, 2014

You read the title and probably began singing Usher’s song Confessions Part II, “These are my confessions, just when I thought I said all I could say, my chick on the side said she got “one on the way”…Man, I’m thrown and I don’t know what to do.  I guess I gotta give part two of my confessions”.  The video is the perfect visual for the song and the emotions tied to disclosing disheartening information between two people in a relationship.

Do you tell your mate everything about your day?  This post is definitely inspired by a podcast by Jay of Up 4 Discussion and I had to give my two pennies on the topic.  First things first, very bluntly,

your man doesn’t want to hear about the juicy conversation you had with your bestie and the late night rendezvous with the array of men she continues to “date”

Let me explain what your man hears when you disclose this type of information to him: “Woomp woomp woomp woomp, sex, woomp woomp, multiple men, woomp woomp, toys, woomp woomp, kicked her out in the morning, woomp woomp, are you listening?”  Between the Charlie Brown adult speech and the words that stick out, your man is picking his brain and contemplating your “ho” phase and wondering how many guys have stuck their hand in your cookie jar.  You just planted your first bomb in the relationship.  Shut up, girl!  My mate is my best friend and I don’t want to be the one to plant the seeds of mistrust into his head by talking about someone close to me short comings or issues.

My Confessions

As with any topic, it brings about other branches of situations which stem from it.  

How about telling your mate about things that directly affect the relationship?  

Is a criminal background check necessary?  How much should you snoop?  I have “googled” guys I’ve met but most of them disclose their criminal background off top and the charge is exactly what they told me it was.  Maybe, I like life on the edge and not as cautious as most people because I believe situations and circumstance arise in people lives and if they’re honest and willing to talk about past issues they’ve at least come to terms with their lifestyle and want to change for the better.  How soon should criminal history be disclosed?  That’s first conversation information.  I like to think that men think logically and know what type of woman they’re pursuing and disclose their past accordingly.  If you come off as judgmental, most men will guard or shield their past.  If you appear to be an open-minded individual, most men will freely speak about their past and let you make a decision.

I also want to point out this isn’t a sure fire way to judge a man’s character.  A man without a criminal record could have you on the path to dating an abusive, misogynistic, scum bag who has escaped the clinches of silver bracelets and embodies the charm and slyness of a crafty criminal.  This is the man you may need to follow in your friend’s car without him knowing or do a “ride by”.  I’m just saying.  Sorry ladies if I’m spilling a secret but men do this stalker type shit too.  Your safety could be at risk…

Another issue that stems from this topic is the accusations that come along with opening your trap about everything.  I have been on both sides of this fence and neither one is a walk in the park.


Accusing my ex of engaging in the same activities as his friends with the phrase, “birds of a feather flock together.”  The accusations caused a strain in our relationship and eventually he took solace in another chick!  My bad.   The Karmic boomerang on the receiving end ain’t so great either, each time you’re out with the promiscuous friend; your mate mind wanders and thinks you can’t be trusted.  I’m at fault again because he wouldn’t know what I didn’t tell him.  I took both of these scenarios as a lesson learned.

Disclosing too much information to your mate when it’s not relevant could potentially ruin the bond between the two of you.  In the end, use discretion, how would you feel if you knew this type of information?

Visionary Dreamer

Ravenous Adventurous Riveting Expectations For Ingenuity Nurtured Eternally

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Rare Fine
My online moniker is RARE FINE which is an acronym for the following: Ravenous – hunger for satisfaction Adventurous – willing to take risks Riveting – holding onto Expectations – a vision For - purpose Ingenuity – creativity Nurtured – take care of something or someone Eternally – forever I am a visionary dreamer who is intuitive in bridging together spirituality and physical reality for the evolution of humanity.

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on August 15, 2013

Ultimately, I think women (including myself) should talk less! A lot less….

    on August 16, 2013

    LOL! That is me, too. Plus I think that what I write…esp. the post about turning 40 may have caused a little rift between me and my boo thang…

on August 17, 2013

This is a really good post. I’m glad that listening to the discussion on the podcast inspired you to write this piece. I still stand by the fact that only things that directly effect my partner and our relationship need to be disclosed.

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