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Why My “Chill” Is Expensive And Something That Most Men Can’t Afford

Dating & Relationships / October 7, 2014

It was 10:00 pm at night.  I sat up straight in bed soaking in the heavy Harlem accented voice that penetrated my ear through my cellular device.  I’d rolled my eyes for the third time that evening.  The name of the individual on the other line doesn’t matter, more so what he was saying did.  Him, a HBCU educated elitist, Master’s student, divine nine frat, twenty-five year old New York fast talker.  I was intrigued, not with his achievements but more with his motives, his intentions. Here this accomplished, highly educated, young man was keeping me up past my slumber hour all for the sake of asking me to “chill”.  I sighed before I could even bother with a response.  “My chill is expensive, and something I don’t think you could afford.”  What he said afterwards doesn’t matter.  I’d said what I said and I’d meant it.  It was the truth, maybe not in the same context as what it appeared as, but it got my point across and somewhat of the reaction I was expecting.


Why My "Chill" Is Expensive And Something That Most Men Can't Afford

Here’s what I mean: For most of my dating life I’ve always dated with a purpose, I felt that was the best way to keep me out of any serious trouble.  Honestly, it has for the most part, I wouldn’t waste my time in pointless or rather destination-less relationships.  If it was clear that the individual didn’t want or see what I wanted or saw, then it was a wrap and I was sure to let them know immediately.  Ahhh, but how quickly things change.  Now that I am getting up there in my younger years (lol) I have found myself a lot more relaxed, a lot less rigid in how I interact with people, not to mention it makes for great writing material.  Now, am I saying that I am more open to those aforementioned pointless a/k/a destination-less relationships, no, not really, but that if I were, the cost for the individual is typically higher than they are willing to pay.  Hear me out.


No, of course there is no monetary value I can or would place on my time or lady parts for that matter, however, there is a certain level or rather expensive expectation that I expect out of an individual that wants to occupy my “chill” space alongside me, because, let’s be clear, I can “chill” all by my gah damn self! (no Ying Yang twins).  In my opinion, chill is a guessing game, it’s plans to be in the presence of an individual with having no plans at all.  Yes, it is in fact as ridiculous as it sounds.  My main issue, for a woman to agree to such an agreement, she has to be willing to sacrifice a certain part of what traditionally makes a woman comfortable in a man’s presence, security.  Let’s explore that, when a woman is asked on a date, let’s say to dinner, she has the security of knowing where and what time and usually what is expected of her when she gets there.  But throw “chill” in the mix and she’s been hit with the ultimate curve ball.  Come on, no two “chill’s” are the same, you never know what to expect.  Sure that can sound exciting to some, but I know a lot of babies formed out of “chilling” and that is not all that can come of it either.  Personally, for me to go so far as to “chill” with a guy, one has to be so damn up to par in my eyes, that the lack of security risk, doesn’t outweigh the greater risk of what I could gain from the individual.

But that’s just me, doe!


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The Babbling Bourgeois
The Babbling Bourgeois (BB) is a blogger, freelance writer and poet. Also known as Ana, she is a 20-something legal marketer and business developer by profession. With her savvy business skills, and passion for all things love, she brings a lighthearted flair to the way women think and navigate in the world of relationships through artistic expression. Twitter: ana_i_am

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1 Comment

on October 24, 2013

I love this! so intriguing and definitely real! Keep it up! We need more of this artistry!

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