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Fifteen and Pregnant – What Teen Girls Won’t See On MTV

Parenting / September 30, 2014

I was only fifteen and pregnant.  I was engaged in a teenage love affair with a young man who attended the same high school as me but he was a few years my senior. He was my first everything.  Although my parents never permitted the relationship, it had been going on for a few months now. I had conjured this image of not being ready for boys. Of course, it was bogus…I had a plan all along.  My parents were deceived into believing that he was just my math tutor.  However, I never needed a math tutor. Math was always my favorite subject and I did very well at it. When my mom would see how great I was doing in math, she became relaxed about us being alone together.  We had developed an amazing strategy, that later caused us so much pain.

I remembered missing my  “monthly” after our first sexual encounter and having the conversation with him.  That is when the outlandish situations began.  He started telling me that I may be pregnant.  It all came as a shock to me, I am still uncertain as to why.  It is not as if we used protection. At the time I was young ingenuous and uninformed about love sex and relationships.  I was only a teenager from a family that never spoke about sex.  Everything I learned was from the 17-year-old boy I was “playing around with.” Yes “playing”. Looking back at my life I see that neither one of us knew what we were doing, a true case of the “blind, leading the blind.”

Fifteen and Pregnant - THE UGLY TRUTH

It was the summer before I turned sixteen when my mom started noticing changes in my body and behavior.  I was once an energetic child, full of life and always in trouble that suddenly became lethargic.  That year I slumbered throughout the entire summer.  My mom unequivocally made an appointment for me to see my physician.  She felt compelled to find out if I was indeed with child, since I would not speak to her.

By this time I already knew that I was…I was hoping it would all go away.  I had previously tried to miscarry by drinking all types of concoctions but I was left disappointed time after time. I was still pregnant and afraid of what my parents would do. I was desperate for help, but I had no clue of whom I should turn to.

It is the morning of the doctor appointment and my mom reassured me that if she were embarrassed at the doctor’s office I would be too. I knew exactly what that meant and what I needed to do.  I told her that I would not be able to go to the doctor.  You know I never admitted to being pregnant, I was humiliated but she could see right through me.  My pain, my shame, it was all there visible to her and anyone else looking.  She broke down in tears and I left the house confused and sadden about the way my life was turning out.  My mom was hurt, it was the first time I had ever seen her cry.  She once was a teenage mom and I knew that she did not want the same for me.  I left the house and headed straight to my boyfriend’s house.

By the time I got there, my mom had already called his mom and she was expecting me. I spent the day at the house and later that evening when his father came home, they took me back to my parents’ home.  That evening our parents sat and discussed our options.  My parents said we should keep the baby but his parents disagreed and asked that we aborted the baby and they would pay for it.  My mom was furious, she was a Christian and an abortion was not an option.  It was the last time I would see my boyfriend and his family, our families now at odds.

Fifteen and Pregnant - THE UGLY TRUTH

The next 6 months was nothing short of hell.  My parents always reminded me of how much I had messed up.  They took everything away from me and bought me one maternity outfit that I would wear everywhere I needed to go for the duration of the pregnancy.  My friends were no longer my friends and I was disfellowshipped from the church.  A very critical time in my life and even they turned away from me. It was as if I had leprosy.  I was a disappointment to my family and to my self.  I once had such a bright future and now I had allowed it to be ruined all for a few seconds, for a guy that I give my innocence too who gave me nothing in return.

As part of my ongoing punishment, I was left to use the public transportation system to get to my doctors appointments while my parents drove and I would meet them there. One afternoon while I was about eight months pregnant I was walking to the bus stop in the severe inclement weather, my ex-boyfriend was driving by with his new girlfriend in his moms’ car. He never stopped and even offered me a ride.  It was as if I had never existed and my baby and I did not even matter.  I was overcome with sadness.  I was alone.  Degraded and embarrassed I kept it together and pretended as if I had not even observed them driving by.

I finally had the baby, but I did not have anything for him.  I went to the hospital without any bags packed for either one of us. I was now confused. Again hurt and unsure of how I would take care of my newborn.  The following day, I was released from the hospital. My parents showed up with an ensemble for the baby to leave the hospital and a car seat to transport him home.  There was nothing for me, so I left the hospital in the same maternity clothing that I was admitted in.

We got to the house and to my surprise; there were all sorts of gifts waiting for me.  They had secretly bought everything for the baby but wanted to teach me a lesson, a very difficult lesson.  One I never forgot.

Fifteen and Pregnant - THE UGLY TRUTH

On the evening that I got home from the hospital, you would never guess who showed up at my front door. It was the baby daddy! After so many months, he finally remembered he was having a baby… He came with a money order for $20, handed me his cellphone number, and suggested that my baby boy carried his name and we call him junior. This is the same baby that he never picked up, or even looked at. The same baby he never cared for during the pregnancy.  I said ok and kept it moving.  I took the money order and when he left I tore it up placed it in an envelope and mailed it back to him. Of course he is not a junior my son now carries my family’s surname.

My parents keep my baby and sent me off to college, to continue my studies. and my son was now being raised as their son, my baby brother.  He lived with them for a few years and I never tried to be his mom. I made no efforts to call for his birthdays or any of the holidays.  I was ok being his big sister.  It was not until he was 4 years old and I 20, that I became an active part of his life.

I was now in the military and my life had changed…a meticulous young lady, matured and ready to take on my responsibilities. I started easing my way into his life by paying for his tuition and providing my parents a small stipend to aid in supporting him.  My conscience was bothering me and I was feeling guilty for not being in his life.  In an effort to make me feel better, I started trying to buy my way into his life, so I started getting him gifts… Gifts that kids his age should not have… Cellphones with contracts and TVs s and portable DVD players, you named it he had it.

We endured a very difficult time when he moved in with me at six years old. We did not feel the connection of a mother and a son.  He would cry relentlessly asking for my mom, his mom. I was furious. I was jealous. I was annoyed! I started resenting him because he did not want me.  I felt like my life could have been so much different if I did not have him. However, it was not his fault, he did not know me and he was not responsible for my pain.  I was responsible; I had created this life for me all by myself.  I was just the big sister that gave him everything he wanted and now I wanted to be his mom.  I wanted to discipline him.  I was in for a fight.

That same year he came to live with me, I received orders from the military to be deployed to Iraq. It was time for me to give him back.  I was now walking out on him once more.  His biological father heard about the deployment and after all these years he suddenly wanted back in.  He had now risen from the grave and I found myself in court fighting for my son (the son that my parents have been raising) before my departure to Iraq.

Photo Credit:  thegrio.com, newsone.com,


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Ms. Martini is the Editor and Founder of Weaffair.com. She chooses to blog anonymously to protect the people in her life. Her blog is her diary, a very private yet public diary. She hopes to become a better version of herself in the process and hopes that someone somewhere can learn from her mistakes and make better choices than she did.




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19 Comments

on June 20, 2013

It is sad as Christians how little teach our children about sex. We must do a better job so at least they have a better understanding of their feelings during this time.

    on June 20, 2013

    Shawn, I agree with you. We really need to do a better job at educating our kids about sex and the emotions that comes along with it. I know in my household sex was never spoken of. My family acted like if we never mentioned it, it won’t never happen. This is just a wrong and crazy approach.

      on June 20, 2013

      It is Martini. We cannot leave the education of our children to Facebook, Twitter, music and television. We wonder why they have the view the have about sex and relationships. They are only mirroring many times what they see and hear.

on June 20, 2013

“hey took everything away from me and bought me one maternity outfit that I would wear everywhere I needed to go for the duration of the pregnancy. My friends were no longer my friends and I was disfellowshipped from the church.”

You know what. I get teaching her a lesson but this is out order to me. I’m not sure if putting additional stress on a young mom is the way to go. Like I’m all about life experiences but at some point these parents didn’t do their part as parents to warn their child and when she goes and learns for herself she is the one that needs a lesson taught? Can you blame her? Where is she supposed to learn this information school? I mean did they at least say don’t have sex or did they not talk period? This is what bothers me. My mom sat me down at 5 years old and told me about sex because they had some rapist running around DC at some point. She didn’t want anybody touching me and telling me it was okay to do it. Eventually that chat led to someone being suspended from school for constantly touching me in the privates a fellow classmate.

I think if i’m lucky enough to have a daughter she will know this stuff like the back of her hand. This prevents other issues too including STD’s and self esteem. I’m not gonna teach her how to back it up but gawd…nothing? That’s not the way to go about it.

    on June 20, 2013

    Hi Elle,

    I think that the issue with my parents was that, they themselves didn’t know better. My mother was a teenage mom with a 2nd grade education. I think sex was never addressed in our household because they didn’t know how to. It’s not something her parents discussed with them.

    I don’t blame my parents for the way things turned out, I truly believed that they did their best. However, I plan to use a different approach with my parenting skills.

    on June 20, 2013

    Elle, you are so right. It was the parents that needed the lesson, not the daughter. Maybe they should have worn one outfit while she was pregnant to remind them of their failure in teaching their daughter.

on June 20, 2013

Shawn you are the truth! One of the things I’m bothered with is how we are quick to hold others responsible for the images they are portraying to our kids. Now I’m not saying that we shouldn’t expect certain things that folks in the public eye. What I am saying is that, if we did better jobs at parenting by communicating with our kids we wouldn’t care so much about what others were doing.

The sex talk is so important! Not just because of stds and teen pregnancies but also because of the emotional responsibilities that comes along with it.

    on June 20, 2013

    Martini,

    This is where I think Churches could step in and help. Most adults may know how things work when it comes to sex, although from some of the things I see I begin to doubt that too, but they may not know how to explain them. These are lessons that can be learned as a family.

    I know everyone does not go to Church and that is fine, but we cannot rely on the school system to raise our kids. It should be to educate them, but when giving morals, values and information about sex, that teaching needs to start at home and too many parents are living such scandalous lifestyles they probably could not tell their kids much of anything by way of example.

      on June 20, 2013

      Great point…Most are living scandalous lifestyles. However, this wasn’t the case for me and my sons dad. Although my mom and biological dad wasn’t together, my mom was married to the man I consider my father. My sons father came from a household where his parents had been married for 20 plus years.

      I think the issue was that they themselves were not educated about sex and even raising kids.

      While I agree with the comments about the way my parents handled things, I remain a little impartial… Lol,

      Nonetheless, We must do a better job at educating our kids!

        on June 20, 2013

        Martini,

        You are much more forgiving then I am. As a parent it is their responsibility to learn even if they were never taught. We have too much information out there for people not to know how to talk to their children about sex.

on June 20, 2013

Wow! I’m thankful enough that my parents talked with me and were very open about sex and I had a brother that was 6 years older than me. I hate how shows glorify being a teen mom and then how churches sometimes turn their back on young people when they need them the most.

Thanks for sharing your story and I hope the relationship with your son improves.

    on June 20, 2013

    Hi Alisha,

    Its good to know that some of us got the “talk”… lol

    Thanks for your feedback… While it seems like things have gotten worse between us, I remain hopeful that someday our relationship will improve.

    It’s painful to see the way teenage pregnancies are glamorized on these reality tv shows… We need to do better!

on June 20, 2013

Hello Martini,

Maybe we can help. I have a radio talk show and would love to have you on as a guest so that we can hopefully educate some people on the need to talk to their children about sex and some tips on how to have that talk. Let me know if you are interested.

on June 20, 2013

Hi Miss Mile High,

Lol, I love the name! I am still working on the forgiveness part. I still think about how different my life could have been. My son and I have so much work in regards to our relationship. Everyday, brings new hope.

I hope that at least one person is inspired to speak to their kids about sex. Teenage pregnancies affects all of us, Not just the teenage parents and the unborn child.

on July 17, 2013

I had my son at 19. Even though I was in my late teen years, I still struggled, and still do every day. I’m only 21 right now. Having a child so young put off the future I thought I wanted. But my son gave me a new future, a more realistic one.

Teen pregnancy can be bad or good, just depends on how you look at it and how you act on it.

    on July 17, 2013

    Yes, it can be several ways to look at it and truly depends in the individual and the their support group

    on July 18, 2013

    @MomChalant you are the exception not the rule. Teen pregnancy is usually not a “good” thing. Even if the mom have great support…what about the father? We think because we are doing a great job raising our kids as single parents it erases the need of a father, but thats not the case.

    Also, Teenagers and young adults should be focusing on finding themselves and creating a better lifestyle for themselves, they should be having fun with their friends. They should be educating themselves, not changing diapers and raising babies. Leave that for the adult.

    It all boils down to us as a community we need to speak up and educate of young ladies and our young men about teenage pregnancies… don’t fall for the hype, its not really what we see on tv.

on December 1, 2014

My heart is heavy. We have some parallels and it hurts me to admit it because I wouldn’t wish my pain on anyone. Keep pushing. xx



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