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“Fabulous, Carol….oohhhh girlfriend, you have fabulous taste….and may I say, you look a-mazing in that dress”
These words were spoken by my new best friend, the manager at the Armani outlet store that just opened near my home (danger!!!). The silver beaded cocktail dress jumped out at me (well, it didn’t really jump), and when I tried it on – it was if the angels began to sing, and the manager let out an audible gasp. I looked at myself and could hardly believe it– there I was, wearing an Armani dress in a size I could hardly have dreamed of a few years ago, and it looked like it had been custom made for me. It was almost too much to process, but I accepted it gratefully and enjoyed the moment, for this is now…
I have always loves the clean lines of Armani designs, however, never did I think I could squeeze my formerly significant figure into anything even close to a reasonable size, and for that reason, confined my admiration to Senor Giorgio’s clothes by reading about them in fashion magazines. Oh, I thought that I could, and damn I tried to pretend. I tried especially hard during that time when 40 pounds of the weight I lost found its way back to my mid, thigh and backside sections, and that there was the addition of a “1” in front of the size “6” again. I wasn’t facing any mirrors or any truth – I pretended it wasn’t there. “Fake it till you make it” works for in a number of circumstances – however, squeezing into clothes and looking good in them isn’t one of them, especially if they are made by a genius like Armani.
That was then…
The why’s and the wherefores of how the forty pounds returned are for another story, as is the story of how they for the most part are gone (never to return!). The key here is that one day – a decision was made. That decision was to really face the truth, the hellish reality of it all, and then decide what to do about it, because wallowing, complaining, and crying about wasn’t doing me any good. Truth – sometimes super ugly, must at some point be faced, or all the seams of all your clothes will ultimately burst! This includes the seams of your life…
Deciding to rise to your truth – you know the one that is burning and festering under all the piles of “stuff” that only you can see, is the only way out of the mud and mire you created for yourself. You have to look at it, in the eye, and stare it down to fix it.
The mirror in which you must stare might be heinous and painful, but it is the mirror into which you must gaze. You can’t look away and hope somehow it will get better. That gaze must be held long enough for you to see the absolute rock bottom truth, and for it to emerge. And in that truth – freedom. It will, as has been said many times, set you free. Then and only then can you rise to meet that truth, and decide where it will take you.
This Is Now…
I didn’t much care for all that truth business while it was going on, but it sure feels better now. Today, my truth is there is no longer a “1” in front of any size. That is the superficial part, the real truth is that I accept and am so grateful for this magnificent body and its superpowers of healing and resilience, no matter what I have done to it with a variety of poor choices (Ho Ho’s???). This is now – I am truthfully committing to healthier choices going forward, and to taking good care of myself because I deserve and enjoy it. I am beyond grateful to Armani and that dress, and all the other fun things I can wear – because I do finally feel fabulous! This really is now…
Whatever was “Then” in your life, doesn’t have to be “Now”. Sort out what is holding you back, face it and feel fabulous, because you are, you deserve it, and life is short. Rise to your truth.
Photo Credits: suhailalgosaili.com,