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So What You Saying?
I remember all the things I didn’t like about my man when we first started dating…
…particularly because I sent this list in a pressurized email that blew the top off whatever questions he had about what I didn’t like about him.
“(Something something) corny. (Something something) mustache. (Blah blah blah) belly,” it read.
The email may have been too much but he asked for it – literally and figuratively.
Shortly after this email was sent, read, and processed, I fell for him.
Then the corniness, mustache, even the belly grew on me.
After agreeing to go out with this man who met my lists of standards (albeit not all my desires), there wasn’t magic on the first date even though it turned out to be fun.
There was, “he doesn’t light my fire but he’s really funny, smart, and seems into me”.
Choosing to be with someone you meet online goes from a logical decision to an emotional one if you hit it off.
That is to say, once you like someone, you look past what you didn’t initially like about them.
We’ve all been there (usually to our detriment). How many times have you fell for someone and were not concerned about traits that would have been red flags had you been more objective?
But, choosing someone from an instinctual, intuitive, and emotional standpoint doesn’t have to result in bad judgement.
One key is screening until you get to, or let come through, people who fit your standards in the first place.
The other key is stepping away from petty and unhealthy partner requirements that do nothing for your overall happiness.
Here’s how to do both:
The more secure you are in knowing WHO you are, WHAT you want, WHEN you’re ready for companionship, and HOW love/relationships/attraction truly work, the more likely you are to get involved with people who are good for you and vice versa.
If you normally go for tall guys but the short guy you agreed to go out with made you laugh, treated you like the lady you are, and couldn’t take his eyes off you…girl, go with your gut. Give him a chance.
Attraction has better results when both parties want each other with similar levels of intensity and goals in mind. Go for those who, genuinely, want what you want.
All of the above are really great nuggets of advice and, trust me, I’ve walked the talk. However, learning more about yourself and others comes with dating. While there is no magic number of people or dates that leads you to someone you can truly be comfortable with, there will need to be some dating. Get started, boo.
By all means, use your standards to weed out the ‘impossibles’, ‘absolutely nots’, and the ‘I don’t think sos’.
The rest is time spent, sometimes love made, and conversations had…feeling!
The people that stick do so because connections are created far beyond ‘on paper’ traits and, even, what you thought you required.
Photo credits: Ebony.com, nyso.net, urbangospelmission.com