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We Teach Others How To Treat Us

Dating & Relationships / From the Editor / July 31, 2014

Awhile ago I wrote about letting “Bullshit Back In” and after saying those 6 words a couple of times in my head, I realized that I can not put 100% of the blame on a man who I felt “did me wrong” because I “taught” him how to treat me.  I thought that this post would give women something to think about and possibly prevent some mistakes and heartaches….

Ladies, when you REALLY think about those 6 words, how many of you, (if you are REALLY being honest with yourself), have “taught” men to treat you badly?  Think about it…

Now, let’s get REAL …

Every time that you open your legs to that man without a commitment…you TAUGHT him how to treat you!

When you allow a man to “treat” you like a booty call, you CAN’T get mad because he won’t take you out or around his family because you TAUGHT him that it was okay to call you in the middle of the night to come over for sex and nothing more.

We Teach Others How To Treat Us

When you allow a man to tell you that, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” but you want one, yet you decide to “just hang out” with him…you are TEACHING him how to treat you and that being committed to you is not required.

When you live with a man and allow  yourself to give him ALL THE BENEFITS OF A WIFE …you have TAUGHT him how to treat you!

Everytime that you do something in a relationship or a “situation,” repeatedly you are “teaching.”  When you answer the phone every time that he calls and if he says, “Jump!”  You say, “How high?”  If you are always accommodating to a man but who is never there when you need him…you have taught him how to treat you!

How many times have you TAUGHT a man how to treat you and become upset when the outcome was not what you wanted?

How can you then, get upset with men who didn’t respect you or who you have labeled as a “DOG” but you take no responsibility for the situation? How is that fair when women hold all the cards in a relationship?  Nothing happens that we don’t allow. NOTHING….

We Teach Others How To Treat Us

Every time that you do something in a relationship or a “situation,” repeatedly you are “teaching.”  I think that as women, we need to be more aware of that, especially, if we are not getting the results that we want. You can not expect to be a hoe and then expect a man to want to wife you.  It’s not going to happen.  If you have a been a booty call, a hoe, etc. you have “taught” that man what type of woman that he is dealing with, thus he treats you as such.

You have to OWN the lessons that you have taught.  You can’t be mad at a man for learning the lesson.

if he was a man has any morals, who respected women and who was not looking for the lessons that you were teaching, you would not be in the situation that we, as women, often find ourselves in when things don’t go as planned.

The lesson in teaching people how to treat us does not only pertain to dating and relationships, but in our every day lives, as well.  If we accept, tolerate and accommodate bad behavior and disrespect from others, you have taught them that it is acceptable to treat you in such a manner.


Teach and demand respect from men and those around you.  Don’t cry about it, complain that “you can’t find a good man,” or that “people just walk all over you!”  YOU TAUGHT THOSE LESSONS! OWN IT AND CHANGE IT!  There is no better time to start than today.  When you know better, you do better.

Now you know!

the sexy single mommy

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on July 31, 2014

Amen, amen, amen! I know I talk a good game about my boyfriends … and I stand by my choices. But what you say here is so true and real. And as usual, you give it to us straight with no chaser! I wish every young woman could read this BEFORE she sleeps with that guy she really likes but won’t give her a commitment; BEFORE she moves some knucklehead in hoping to get that ring someday. Thank you for this lesson, Ty. And again, I say Amen!

on September 7, 2016

So very very true! We definitely teach people how to treat us. I remember discovering this a few years ago and it changed my life, lol. I stopped being passive aggressive and started standing up for myself. Good post!!

on September 7, 2016

Yes to all of this! What you accept is what will continue. Thank you!

on September 7, 2016

Really great article! So true!!

on September 7, 2016

This is sooo on point. We have to know our worth and accept the treatment that we deserve. Great post!

on September 7, 2016

All I can say is, YES! I see so many women go through this and cry the same story. Repeat Girl, just stop it. You are allowing it!

    on September 8, 2016

    Right and they continue the same cycle and don’t understand what they are doing wrong. Come on, Sis! Get it together!

on September 8, 2016

You are 100% right. Thank you for the reminder.

on September 8, 2016

I need to share this one million times so my single friends looking for love on tinder can see. sex doesn’t equal love.

    on September 8, 2016

    LOL!! Not on Tinder!!!! And no…sex does not equal love. If they are looking for love on Tinder, you really need to share this!!

on September 8, 2016

Well said, Ty! You are absolutely right. I never even thought about it as I’m teaching the behavior. really good point! Wow, where were you with this advice when I was single?! Lol I think you are right, it is important to let our expectations be known up front. If you are look for a relationship, then you have to let the person you’re dating know up front. If you keep it to yourself and go along with things, then you may be in for disappointment and you can’t get upset if, like you said in your article, you are “teaching” your significant other how to treat you. Great post!

    on September 8, 2016

    Thanks, Jennifer. It’s a lesson that I learned the hard way and I know so many women have made the same mistakes.
    If you don’t tell someone what you expect, how will they know?
    Thanks for reading!

on September 8, 2016

I know that’s right and it’s something that unfortunately many (including myself) have to learn the hard way. I’m just glad I learned and moved on from it. I started teaching some better lessons and got myself a husband, lol!

    on September 8, 2016

    See…there you go!! When you know better, you do better and the proof is in that ring on your finger!

on September 9, 2016

This is why I mentor… I see this all of the time in women and girls! Treat people the way you want to be treated and show them how to treat you! Great post, dear!

    on September 11, 2016

    It’s so important to mentor and teach others. Kiddos for doing that!

on September 14, 2016

My problem is calling the bs. My last relationship he really seemed like he was a good man, in church, great job, nice car, was great with my daughter, and talked about not dating just to date but actually wanting to pursue marriage. But then I got pregnant and ALL of it was BS. Females started coming out the woodworks saying oh he was with me last night. Smh. So I need to work on seeing a man for who he really is BEFORE I get in to deep.

on September 20, 2016

This is so clutch. We have to own the lessons we are teaching!

on October 1, 2016

Wow, thank you. This was an eye opener for me. I do tend to let people take advantage of me and my time.

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