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My Journey To Hell And Back…The Untold Story Of The Cheater Who Fathered My Child

Dating & Relationships / Single Moms Talk / June 25, 2014

Since I started my blog, Epic Mommy Adventures, I’ve been debating whether or not to share this story…the story that lead me to this place in my life.  It has helped me become the person who I am today, but sometimes too much truth and seriousness is not a good idea, especially not for me.

I laugh and I joke about the relationship with my son’s father now because I’ve truly grown up from the experience…but sometimes it haunts me just as a realization of what was and a reminder of my goal to continue moving forward no matter what.

A little over a year later, I’m ready to share my story of my journey to hell and back…

It’s funny how when you’re in a relationship, you ignore all the signs, all the questions, all the concerns, giving that person the benefit of the doubt each time — but finally, when you have the facts smack dab in front of you, it doesn’t matter what the other person says, you are done, through, finito.

I was in a relationship with an individual that has no respect for women whatsoever, a unproffessed sex addict, breeder (he possibly has over 20 children, including my son), liar, deceiver — well, you get the point.

Yet, the most beautiful thing came from that tumultuous relationship – my son.

Everything in my relationship with my son’s father went downhill once I confirmed that I was pregnant.

sexy mommy pic - pregnant

I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of December 2010.  By New Year’s eve 2011, I found out about two separate women that my son’s father was not only “messing around” with, but also having full-blown relationships with.  He was going on vacations with them and everything, claiming that they were either work-related trips or trips with his motorcycle club.  It turns out that they were truly vacations with his other girlfriends.

As angry as I was, and yes, I was pissed beyond all rational thought — I decided to stay.  Not for him, but for our unborn child.  I wanted to give my child the chance for a family unit, even as dysfunctional as it was.

He wasn’t even apologetic, just completely cocky about it (laughing and mocking me), as though I knew or should have known the entire time.  He even indicated that we weren’t in a “true” relationship and that he never lead on that we were moving forward as anything more than friends.  Yeah, what a lode of crock.

Right before my son was born (I was scheduled for a C-section the following day), I found a ton of pictures on his computer.  They were all sexual in nature, as though he was creating a documentary of his conquests…and there were DOZENS of women.  I even found pictures of him having intercourse with a woman in my apartment.  (You can imagine how ticked I was – I felt completely disrespected!)  Lastly, I found pictures of a newborn baby.

sexy single mommy cheating pic

As an aside…he told me that the baby pictures were his friends and he was trying to put on a CD for her.  He coincidentally excluded the fact that they were pictures of his son (who btw is only 2 1/2 months older than my son).

That was the last straw for me — I was through! No more ignoring the signs, questions, concerns — no more benefit of the doubt.  There was no turning back now!

My son was born the next day… his father was nowhere to be found up until an hour before the C-section.  I was heated, but I was just so happy to see my son when he was born.  It was such a turning point for me.  As I watched him hold my son for the first time, I knew that it was possibly the last time that we would look like this family unit.

ssm man and baby

My son’s father barely spent any time with us in the hospital.  He spent the night the first night.  Although both my son and I were in the hospital for 4 nights, we saw him for about 2 hours total after that first night.  He even missed out on signing the birth certificate.  He had to go back to the hospital (after he dropped us home) to sign the birth certificate.

The first 6 weeks was really hard…money was extremely tight due to my disability checks coming in later than expected.  There was no support financially or emotionally from my son’s father.

At one point, my son’s pediatrician recommended that we take him to the Children’s Hospital due to an issue that he had seen with his head.  I was traumatized…I cried for days concerned about whether my son would be okay or not.  I was so overly emotional when I first had my son (I’m sure many of you mothers can relate)…there was no support (only mocking and laughter) from him.

Grandma (my mom) was truly my rock during this time.  She was staying at the house at the time, waiting for her apartment to be ready.  Even though she was driving me absolutely nuts, she cooked for me every day and came upstairs periodically throughout the day to check up on both of us. I couldn’t carry my son down the stairs, so she would carry him down for me or watch him while I went to take a shower.  I know she was extremely angry and aware of the lack of support that my son’s father offered during that time, but she never said a word.  She was truly just there for the both of us — to make sure that we were okay.

I returned to work after 6 weeks instead of the planned 8-10 weeks.  My doctor was highly upset because he was concerned about my high blood pressure issues and the fact that I just had a C-section, but what was I going to do? It was 6 weeks and I had only received one disability check.  I couldn’t stay out of work any longer.  He hesitantly signed off on the paperwork, but wanted me to come by once a week for checkups.

I contacted my manager and I was back to work.  Those were the most miserable few weeks of my life.  I missed my baby like crazy.  He was with Grandma so I knew that he was ok, but it was heartbreaking dropping him off each morning.

I became increasingly bitter and cold towards my son’s father during those weeks.  I was so angry with him for not being there for both of us the way he needed to be.  I was irrational at times, verbally abusing him every chance I got — in person and via text.  He got to the point where he just slept downstairs instead of coming upstairs and feeling my wrath.

It all came to a head on a Saturday in October 2011.  My son was only 9 weeks at the time.  We got into a HUGE altercation that became seriously physical.  He threw the first blow while standing over my son on the bed.  I was furious.  I kicked him off the bed and away from my son, who was screaming hysterically and scratching at his face.  The fighting continued, with the police later being called and arrests being made.  Unfortunately, I was the one blamed in the end.

ssm handcuffs

My son’s father put a restraining order on me, saying that I was a threat to him and our child, allowing him to take my son until we went to court.  I spent 5 of the longest nights of my life, without my child.  Still extremely emotional from just giving birth, I considered a number of things that I would never have thought of otherwise.  I became severely depressed; I didn’t go to work, I barely ate, and I couldn’t stop thinking about my son and how he looked the last time I saw him.  My mom was so worried about me that she even had members of her church come over to speak with me and pray over me.  I must admit that I needed that prayer; I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.

We went to court and he just dropped all the charges.  I still had a number of charges filed by the township and had to pay a number of fees…

But at the end of the day, I had my child back.  My son and I moved into a bedroom downstairs while I got everything in order so we could get our own place.  That time went by really quickly.  We shipped out happily in December, less than 2 months after this whole situation occurred.

A little over a year later, I still cannot go a night without my son; I am definitely still traumatized and I won’t pretend otherwise, but in time (like everything else), that scar will heal too.  The first night will be extremely hard, but it will be okay.

ssm black_mom_child_sm

In the meanwhile, I have grown tremendously in the past year.  I have become a strong person and mother.  I have made some important steps towards improving both of our lives.  We are happy.  I couldn’t ask for more. And that’s it – my story is my story…it is what it is.  I don’t regret anything in my life…it is what made me the person who I am today.  I am a bigger and better person because of it. Photo Credit: hellobeautiful.com, popsych.org, newsone.com, abww.wordpress.com


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Natasha
Natasha is first and foremost the single mama to a rambunctious toddler son, who is the inspiration for her blog, Epic Mommy Adventures. She currently resides in New Jersey as an ambitious 30-year old working professional and graduate student. She enjoys blogging about first-time motherhood, co-parenting, and much more!




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18 Comments

on June 11, 2013

First, I must commend you for being able to share this story. Sharing your testimony will help other women out here who have gone through or will go through, what you have been through. I am a believer that God makes us go through things to teach us how to be able to see what we are made of. You were put though this be a “great” mother to your son and to be able to do it on your own! Keep the faith and that Devil will continue to be a liar!

    on June 11, 2013

    You’re so right, MsJaiBee. I truly believe that we are all put through tests in life to come through the other side stronger and tougher. I know that I have gone through this in order to be the best mom for my son and have his best interests at heart. Not that I wouldn’t have regardless, but I am truly passionate about offering the best for him.

    I believe that I have been blessed with him, for I needed him to get back of the right path. I think for a while I was somewhat destructive, but now I’m focused and determined to be the best person that I can be for my son.

on June 11, 2013

(cyber hugs) I admire your strength and tenacity to push forward. We all have a story and I struggle with whether or not I should share mine. If you are open to letting me share it on your blog, please let me know.

    on June 11, 2013

    Hi Pascha, I’d love you to share your story on my blog. You’re right, we all have a story, but it’s even more important how we turn out on the other side. We become stronger, more powerful and determined, and definitely more tenacious. If you’re interested, feel free to contact me at 1epicmommy@gmail.com.

    Thanks!

on June 11, 2013

Thank you Natasha for having the courage to share you story. I know that was not easy. If your story is not a wake up call to women in bad relationships, then I do not know what will be.

Ladies, you have to make better choices in who you choose to be in relationships with and stay with. I am certainly not saying that guys bear no guilt in these relationships. They certainly do. But at the end of the day it will be the woman that will be left with the child. Please choose better and when you see the signs he is not a good person, move on with you life.

No woman or child deserves to be treated like this, but it will only stop when women put their foots down and walk away from these idiots.

    on June 11, 2013

    You are absolutely correct, Shawn. I believe that in order for this crazy cycle to end, us women have to step up and put a stop to it. We have to respect and believe that little thing called “women’s intuition.” I’m not saying that in every case you can tell what kind of person you’re in a relationship with, but I did see the signs with my son’s father and I completely ignored them. In some ways, he blatantly told me what he was up to and I just ignored it.

    Now, I’m the one left with my son – trying to figure out what’s best for him. And where is his father? Still enjoying his life and continuing to populate the world with more single mothers and father-less children. It’s unfortunate, but true.

    The one lesson that I’ve learned is not to take any crap from anyone. As a beloved friend of mine says – no riff raff. A man that comes into my life will have to present himself in the right way to even get a conversation with me, much less a relationship. And when I see any sign that things are not the way it should be, I’m running for the hills.

    As you said, Shawn, it starts and ends with us women. Great comment!

      on June 12, 2013

      Natasha,

      You are truly a strong and intelligent woman. I would love to have you on my show The Black Woman’s Guide to Love… http://blackwomanradio.com I think you have a story to tell that many women can benefit from. If you are interested just get in touch with me. I think you would make a great interview.

        on June 12, 2013

        Hi Shawn,
        I would love to be on your show. Let’s discuss further. Feel free to e-mail me at 1epicmommy@gmail.com.

        I look forward to being a part of your show!

        Thanks,
        Natasha

          on June 12, 2013

          Natasha,

          That is great. I just wanted you to know that I am super impressed with you Blog….http://www.epicmommyadventures.com/

          I really enjoyed reading it. I will make sure to get in touch with you and keep up the great posting.

          on June 12, 2013

          I love the networking!!! That is terrific!

on June 11, 2013

You are amazing thank you for sharing.. <3

    on June 11, 2013

    Thanks so much for reading and for the compliment, Kitty Mel! 🙂

on June 11, 2013

Thanks so much, Nickie. I have truly been blessed with having such a beautiful son, who just completely lights up my life. I share this story to help others going through something similar understand that there is an end to all of it and you can be happy. I hope that shines through this crazy story.

on June 11, 2013

Natasha – you are so brave for sharing but you really have nothing to be ashamed of. You have learned a tough lesson but you have a precious gift – your son – out of it and I’m sure your post will help many women refuse to accept that kind of treatment in the future. I hope you find a guy who treats you and your son like the treasures you are. You deserve the best!

    on June 11, 2013

    Thanks Ana! I really wanted to share my story, but wasn’t sure if I should. In no way am I ashamed, but I was concerned whether or not I should share and to what extent. I really hope that I’ll be able to help others in a similar situation understand the strength that they truly have inside them and be able to successfully move on. Thanks!

on June 12, 2013

How strong you had to be to go through this experience and still have such a wonderfully positive outlook on life! It’s a true testament of the kind of mother you had, and, now, of the mother you are. I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you. You are a brave and strong young woman who will raise a strong but gentle man. May God continue to bless you both!

Melissa
A Room for Two with a View

    on June 12, 2013

    Hi Melissa, thanks so much for the kudos! I really appreciate it. It’s so great to hear such support from everyone; it just makes me realize how important it was to share my story for others. I’ve never considered myself strong or brave, just devoted – devoted to raising my son to be the best person he can be. I am so proud of how far I’ve come and respectful of how far I still have to go!

on June 23, 2013

What a great testimony. And you learned a very important lesson– always follow your gut instinct and get out of the situation before things get really crazy. If something doesn’t feel right, something ISN’T right!



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