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Dating & Relationships / From the Editor / May 7, 2014

Dear Sexy Single Mommy,

I have been cheated on by 4 of the 6 people I have dated (I’m 21.) There are two that really mattered to me.

I started dating boyfriend #1, right out of high school. We moved way too fast and moved in together at the beginning of November 2009. It was stressful being so young (me, 18 and him, 19) and living together, both working full-time, but I loved it! I loved having someone to take care of, our own house and being independent. That was, until he accidentally left his email open and I saw that he had been replying to the “Casual Encounters” posts on Craigslist. He swore up and down to me that it was just talking and that he had never actually met up with anyone. We broke up (still living together) for about 2 weeks, but decided to give it another try.


We lived together for a few more months before I found out that he had started doing the same thing again, and that he basically had an online girlfriend who was 16, who he told he loved and exchanged dirty pictures with. I thought we were serious, although I didn’t have a ring, we both agreed we were in love and we were planning on getting married. Anyway, after a year of dating/10 months of living together I decided it was time to move closer to my family. I got a roommate at a house closer to home and he moved in with his sister about 15 minutes away from me.


We “saw each other” for a few months, but weren’t serious and he ended up dating someone else. It had changed from him begging me for another chance, to me willing to do anything to be with him and him not caring. That was in 2010 and we have pretty much been doing that same thing over and over until February of 2012. After he got a girlfriend in 2010, I started seeing someone and him and I didn’t talk for a year. Then we actually started dating again, but after 2 weeks I found out that he had actually cheated on me a week into us being together again.


Since then he seems to think that the best option is for him to act like a player and make everything sexual any time we communicate. It’s sad because I know he is a good person, he just puts on this mask like he’s a ladies man. Every time I try to talk to him and either be his friend, or in the past (before my current relationship) when I would try to talk to him in the hopes of getting together again, he would just treat me like a piece of meat. Every thing I said was turned sexual. Any mention of hanging out or catching up was translated into “yeah, I want to have sex with you.” Then if I called him out on it and said that he’s only talking to me to get in my pants, he gets all offended and says he can’t believe I would think that and gives me the silent treatment.

Recently when he found out the person I’m engaged to cheated on me, he was actually really supportive and nice. Then he turned sexual, like that is going to solve my problem. I told him that I was going to give my fiance another chance, he got mad and told me to leave him alone, lose his number and said “I love you…bye.” Which he hadn’t said to me in over a year.

I hate to admit it but I still love him and I don’t think that will ever change. I just wish he would grow up and talk to me and treat me like a normal human being instead of a piece of ass. I really wish we could be friends, because I really do want him in my life.

So let’s fast forward to the present. I met my fiance on April 3rd, 2012, on our first day of work. We were both starting a job and were in the same training class. We actually didn’t start talking until a few weeks into the class when we realized (from a T-shirt I was wearing) that we both know American Sign Language. At the time, I had just become single, and he had a girlfriend. I’m not proud of this at all, but we started seeing each other anyway. After about a month, he admitted to me that he had slept with another girl we worked with. I was upset but figured I had no right to be because technically we weren’t together, and if anyone should be upset it should be his girlfriend!


I forgave him, and about a week later he broke up with his girlfriend. We continued seeing each other and a week or so after he became single we officially started being exclusive. Fast forward to December 2012:  living together, I find out that he has been flirting with other girls. I called him out on it.  I said, “I know what you’ve done, so just tell me everything or leave.”  He proceeded to admit that he has cheated on me 7 times with 4 different girls in the 6 months we have been together. (Not counting one that wasn’t actually sex.) That really wasn’t what I had been expecting!


At the time, I wasn’t working and he was paying all of the bills. I broke up with him, and he began to sleep in the living room and I began to frantically start applying for jobs,  trying to figure out how I was going to support myself. However, after talking to a friend who went through couple’s counseling with her boyfriend (now husband), I decided that if he was willing to go through counseling with me, then I was willing to give him a second chance.


So here we are… Now engaged, my insurance doesn’t cover counseling and we are still waiting for a response from his insurance on if they will cover it or not. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but technically, how do I know that anything has changed, you know?


In Limbo


In Limbo, I must admit that you have a LOT going on to be just 21 years old. So much so that I had to dissect your letter and make notes.

As far as boyfriend #1 is concerned, you were both too young to be living together and to be in a committed relationship.  Fresh out of high school and out of your parents houses, you both weren’t ready to “play house.”  I think that boyfriend #1 was sowing his wild oats. He was trying to give it to any and every chick who would let him but the problem besides him cheating is that he compromised your health.  Excuse me for jumping to conclusions by assuming that he was not using condoms with all of these women but I would wager to say that he was not.  Since his conversations after the break up were basically sexual, you can tell right there where his mind was at.  He was not worth your time.

Now, for Boyfriend #2 your fiance…I am kinda confused when you say that you weren’t “technically” together but “started seeing each other” even though you knew he had a girlfriend.  “Technically,” he was cheating on her with you, as well as with the other chick from work, too.  “Karma is a MF” and that my dear is the truth and it has come back to bite you in the ass, not once but seven times!  He showed you who he was right from the gate.  Did you really think that he would change?

I think that your biggest problem is that you seem to jump into relationships very quickly.  You really need to take your time and get to know someone first.  It hasn’t even been a year and you’re engaged.  He has cheated on you by having sex with 4 different women and your reason for staying is…you love him.  Girl, you need to run and run fast as hell!  There is not that much love in the free world! He has proven the type of boyfriend…fiance…that he is already.  Why would you believe that he will be any different as a husband?

Counseling?  Not as a couple.  I think you both need individual counseling (which you can receive free through local churches or places of worship or try online for programs near you that offer free counseling).   You need to work on yourself and your self-esteem before you can be with anyone else.  You can not give anyone you…all of you, as a wife should because you have some things that you need to work on first.

You don’t deserve to be treated like this.  You deserve to have someone who treats you like a queen.  I really think that you need to let this relationship go, work on you and you will find someone who is truly deserving of you.  Let me know how things turn out.




the sexy single mommy

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on March 13, 2013


    on March 13, 2013

    You hit it right on the nose, April. There isn’t any respect at all!

on March 14, 2013

My head hurts. I’m sorry but I kinda kept tuning out at the parts where boyfriend#1 was cheating, then boyfriend#2 cheating. Read something about a fiance and a computer with some more cheating, I think. Sorry I pretty much made up my mind at being cheated on 4 times. I say F’ em. And not the way you want too. She needs to examine the guys she is accepting. I’m guessing the player type that gets all the girls in the club. From now on imagine that guy with a big hell NO sign on his chest and a d!ck on his forehead with a capital L hanging from his gold necklace. Then go over to one of those shy guys in the corner. Chat with one of them, see if he is normal. Not all guys are cheaters. I’m not but sometimes I get passed by all the women in heat and in their sexiest F’em dresses. You know those dresses. The nice guys usually get passed. I guess some girls have a NON-asshole detector and it’s usually on the blink. Cause they go straight to the assholes. j/s. If you know your Non-asshole detector is picking up assholes, it is on the blink! Do something different!!, Go! to the guys you never give a second look, the ones you usually quickly look away from. See what they are about. You might be pleasantly surprised. But stay away from any ones that look crazy. I guess. …Y’all driving me crazy with all this should I stay with people that cheat on me. I’m going to sleep my head hurts. smh

    on March 14, 2013

    Well, I guess you said it all, David! You are right thought, we often do pass up the good guys! Many of us have to do better about the way that we pick men!

on March 14, 2013

I just came across this posting and I have to say WOW! That made my head hurt. Now let me start off by saying we all have been there, done that with young love. Being 22 years old, married to my soul mate (whom I met when I was 12) and having children together I can safely say there is someone out there for everyone. However, dating “boys” not men is not the way you want to start your life. Do you remember that old saying “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater” yes that still applies here. I agree with Ty, you knew from the beginning your Fiance was a cheater because he cheated on his previous girlfriend with you but you still had hope in the back of your mind that you’d be the woman he would not cheat on and therefore you could be the one to change him. But I honestly think men are programmed to think with their “Downstairs” and only when they can think freely without involving their “Downstairs” can they actually be considered Men and therefore get married and help start a family.

I also agree with Ty, I think you should run away from a situation you know deep in your heart will only hurt you in the end. I mean even if your fiance could stop cheating right now (which won’t happen with his track record) you will always wonder “What If” and let me be the first to tell you that will eat you alive and would ruin your marriage or relationship all by itself. I wish you the best of luck and I hope this will only help you grow into an independent woman and give you confidence for when Mr. Right comes along!

    on March 14, 2013

    Thank you for stopping Brittanie. You are right, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” That guy won’t change. I agree that it will always be in the back of her mind that he may be cheating. I don;t think you can really get past that. I, too, hope that she is ready when the right one comes along but for now, she should work on herself.

on May 7, 2014

Girl, you are so young! You’ve don’t need to be living with guys at your age, anyway! At your age, you should be dating (not sleeping with these guys, necessarily) and having fun. But first, you need to get as far away from this so-called “fiancé” as possible. Take some time to be alone so that you can examine why you keep choosing cheaters. Focus on yourself and your new job (hope you find one, soon) for a while. Work on believing that you are a Queen and deserve to be treated like one. And then, when you’re ready to start dating again, start paying more attention to those nice guys that you usually ignore. Leave the “playas” alone. This may be difficult at first because you seem to gravitate towards the jerks. But, you can break this habit. Remember, you deserve the best. And like everyone else said, “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I’ll also add another one the older women used to say: “if he’ll cheat WITH you, he’ll cheat ON you.”

on June 10, 2014

Too young, its unhealthy , must consider your physical & emotional healthy too young to be going through this type of stress:) GL

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