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Why Can’t I Find A Man?

Dating & Relationships / He Said / Single Moms Talk / May 12, 2014

Finding a good man seems to be the biggest dilemma facing many single women these days (right behind losing weight and finding something to wear for their next outing).  It seems like everywhere I go, I overhear a group of ladies talking about not being able to find any good, single men.  Over the years, I have heard many women say that all the good men are either married or in a relationship.  The single men that are left are either gay, on the down low, in jail or want to be players.

Whenever, I have heard a lady say this, the first thing I did was rolled my eyes.  Every chance I got in the past decade, I have engaged some of these same women in conversations and this is what I have learned.  Some of these same ladies that say they can’t find a good man, can’t define what a good man is to their own selves.  When they do tell you what they consider a good man, the definition usually includes all the things that the good man needs to do for them.  Comments such as, “He needs to treat me like a queen” usually tops the list of things a man needs to do to be considered a “good man.”  My question, to these ladies is, “What does this “good man” get in return for treating you like a queen?”  Their answer usually could be summed up in one word, “Me!”  For treating her like a queen, a man got her.   He is supposed to take a lady that he just met at her word that she is a good woman just because she said so.  Yeah right!

finding a man

I have always been of the opinion that to get a good man, a woman needs to first be a good woman.  Being a good woman starts with having a good personality and a pleasant attitude. Time and time again, I see too many women, lose out on meeting a good man because of their nasty attitude.  Some ladies make the mistake thinking that because they look and smell good that is all it takes to getting a good man. Wrong!  Getting a man to sleep with you is the easy part.  Getting a man to stay with you after the honeymoon of the relationship has worn off is another story.  So having a pretty face, nice personality and pleasant attitude usually gets the ball rolling.

Where can I find a good man is probably the most popular question I get from single women?  Some women even answer their own question with, “If you want to meet a good man, you have to go to church.”  It’s true that you can meet some good men in the church but church is not the only place to meet a good man.  Good men are all over the place, not just in church.  I tell ladies all the time they have to be ready to meet the good man when he appears in front of them.

What I usually suggest ladies do if they are trying to find a good man is to simply do things they like doing.  For example, if you like to dance, hike or take walks on the beach, by all means do so.  Not only will you meet a man with similar interests, you will also be getting out and doing things you enjoy doing.  It’s like that old saying about the lottery, “You can’t win if you don’t play.”  Same thing applies here, if you’re not out circulating and doing things, how are you going to meet a man.  The more you put yourself out there, doing things you like to do, the more you are likely to meet men that have similar interests who you will have more in common with.  The conversations and dates will be more stimulating because both of you like doing the same things.

After you find that good man you have been looking for, you need to be able to keep him.  Keeping a good man takes more than a pretty face and great sex. (Well, great sex may prolong the relationship longer than it would have lasted but eventually even that gets old.)  I think the mistake a lot of women make with men is making men out to be more complicated than we really are.  Men are very simple.  It doesn’t take much to make us happy but ladies have to understand how men think.  The following are a few tips for ladies on what she should or shouldn’t do if she wants to keep her man.  They were taken from my book, 101+ Ways To Keep A Man.

Don’t take advice from a woman who doesn’t have a man, can’t get a man or keep a man.

There are a lot of haters out there.  The last thing that some ladies who don’t have a man want to see is their girlfriend in a happy relationship with a man.  Misery likes company so always be suspect when asking questions and getting advice from a lady without a man with an unpleasant attitude.

Don’t ask questions you really don’t want to know the answer to.

Why Can't I Find a Man?

For example, “Do you think this dress makes my butt look fat?”  Rule of thumb ladies, if you have to ask, it probably do make your butt or whatever look big so stop asking your man-trap questions that is sure to cause and argument no matter what he says.  If you’re not sure, change the outfit to one you’re sure doesn’t make you look any particular way you don’t want to look.

When a man says, “Leave me alone!”  Leave him alone.

There is usually nothing wrong.  Sometimes a man just needs some time alone to do nothing.  Some women don’t understand this concept because, normally when a guy asks a woman what’s wrong and she says nothing, there really is something wrong and it’s the guy’s job to figure it out.  Therefore, when a man tells some of these same ladies to leave him alone, they assume something is wrong and make the situation worse by prying and trying to get him to talk.  Just leave him alone and all will be fine in a few hours.

There you have it, a few tips on why you can’t find a good man; how to get a good man and how to keep your good man when you finally find one you really want to keep.  I hope this helps in your search for a mate.

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Jeff Hodge
Jeff Hodge is a author, producer, actor and comedian, who has authored seven books, including several successful relationship books: 101+ Ways To Keep A Man and 101+ Ways To Tell When The Relationship Is Over. He recently completed my seventh book, Road Trippin… The Life And Times Of A Comic On The Run. Find out more about Jeff at

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on May 12, 2014

Yes. it’s true in order for a women to be with a good man she needs to be a good woman. the situation is also true vice versa. the men that land proverbs 31 women, I believe mostly are virtuous men first themselves.

on May 12, 2014


on May 12, 2014

Great advice! Thank you!

on May 12, 2014

I can’t find a man because I’m looking for a woman.

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