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They say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world but I beg to differ. Being a SINGLE MOTHER is the hardest job in the world. Now there is a difference. There are some single moms who have the support of their children’s father and there are some that don’t. I would fall into the last category. Now, before you start feeling all sad for me and shit…DON’T!! This post is not about that. Hell, I don’t feel sorry for me. I never have. There is nothing to feel sorry about. I have been fortunate enough to be able to financially care for my son myself, even when it involved $700 + a month in childcare expenses alone. Thank the Lord for Dependent Care Flexible Spending! I have never had utilities cut off or no food in the fridge. My son has never went without what he needed, he has always had more shoes than most girls, a closet full of clothes and everything that a child could want and above all, I am HERE for him. I have, as a single mother, provided everything that a two parent household would provide for a child on my own, i.e. piano and swim lessons, vacations, etc.
Most women who become single mothers don’t set out to be a single mom.
No one goes into motherhood thinking that they will be doing this by themselves. Wait, let me correct myself. There are single women who decide to go to sperm banks, etc. and have children. Those women, of course, know that they are going to be doing it by themselves. I, on the other hand, always said as a teen, that I was going to go to a sperm bank to have a kid, because I didn’t want to have to deal with a guy and that child would be a boy. Man, they weren’t lying when they said that you can speak things into existence and who knew that some 15 or so years later, that is exactly what happened….minus the sperm bank!
I think that I have always known that I would be a single mom. I have always known and accepted it. When I got pregnant with TJ, I knew that I was going to do this by myself. I knew from day one how the situation would play out and I was fine with that. There weren’t any hard feelings or nights that I cried myself to sleep. None of that! It was what it was and being that I always knew that I would have a son and raise him by myself, that’s exactly what I have done.
A friend of mine told me when I was pregnant, “You are so strong. I wouldn’t be able to do this by myself.” My response was, “What else can I be but strong?” I have never been a ‘crier” or a “woe is me” type of woman. I don’t really let things trip me up. I take the punches and roll with them. Single motherhood was a punch that I had anticipated most of my life, so I braced myself for the punch and made sure that it wasn’t a TKO and at the end of the fight, I was still standing and proudly holding my Single Mother Heavyweight Belt high above my head! And although I am not as perfect as I seem, I think…No…I KNOW, that I have been doing a pretty damn good job raising my son by myself and at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters to me!
Previously posted June 6, 2012.