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Single mom, Renee is a business analyst raising 2 beautiful daughters, ages, 4 and 6 in Maryland. She shared with me her views on being a single mom, offers advice and shares what life is like for a single mom.
My name is Renee. I am 37 years from Maryland. I have 2 daughters, ages 4 and 6 years old. I am a Business Analyst who loves movies and music and who is still trying to determine my passion.
How did you become a single mom?
Do you date? Are you in a relationship?
I do date, or at least I try to date. I am not currently in a relationship.
When do you think that single moms should bring the men they date around their child?
I think single moms should wait a while before bringing men around their children. I think it’s important for the mom to determine (as best possible) that the relationship is going to be long-term before introducing the children into the situation. Also, I think it’s a good time to learn more about the guy.
What advice would you give to a newly single mom?
Focus on the kids and everything else will come. It’s a hard job, but you always have to be an advocate for your child. This rule carries over in dating, schools, job/career… you have to think of the children first in almost every facet of your life.
What is the best advice that you ever received about single parenthood?
“Learn how to accept help from others.” As a single mom you get used to doing things on your own and I hate to be burdensome to others. But sometimes, there are days when you simply need help and you just have to set your pride aside and ask for it or when a friend offers to help you, you must take it.
3 words that would describe you?
Eclectic, resilient and resourceful
3 words that describe your parenting style?
Progressive, supportive and involved
How do you respond to people who say, “I don’t know how you single moms do it? It must be so hard?”
Most times I agree with them. It is a very hard job. Parenting is hard even when you have 2 parents in the household. But as 1 parent with 2 children, doing homework, school schedules (because my kids are in different schools), attending the kids events, working full time…as a single parent you are always involved in a juggling act and most days putting the kids needs before your own. So, I agree with those people.
Do you think that people look down on single mothers?
I do. I think this is especially true for Black single mothers. It’s like they automatically group being Black and a single parent with being uneducated, on welfare… they give us the “Baby Momma” stamp across our foreheads.
What is your biggest fear as a single mom?
Losing my job. Thank God I have been at my same job for close to 7 years and it seems to be pretty stable. But in this economy, nothing is ever really stable anymore. My savings are limited because as a single parent handling costs for 3 people, most times, there just isn’t much left to save.
Are you co-parenting?
Not really. My ex has visitation rights to see the girls twice per week. He now lives in a different state and our kids only see him about once per month. If so, how is that working out? Our current situation doesn’t work. Did you have any bumps in the road that you had to overcome? No bumps with co-parenting, because I do about 99% of the parenting in our current situation.
What advice would you give a mom who is struggling to co-parent?
My advice is to get over all of the baggage of the past. Whatever ended the relationship between the man and woman, accept it and get over it so you can focus and do what you need to do for the kid(s). There is nothing worse than watching a woman treat the father like crap and, in turn, not do what she needs to do for her kids because she is still hung up on making the father upset or jealous, etc. Focus on the kids and their well-being and forget everything else.
If you could change one thing about your life as a single mom, what would it be?
I would have chosen a different area for purchasing a home. Where I currently live, the school system is horrid, which has proven to affect so many things. The struggle to find good education that doesn’t empty your bank account is REAL. I want well-educated kids, but having to find a private school that I can afford, that works with a full-time work schedule for a single parent is tough.
What is the one thing that people don’t know about single moms? Most of us didn’t choose to be single moms?
Most of us didn’t choose to be single moms.
How can my readers find you?
They can find me at my blog: The Unhinged Mom
Facebook: The Unhinged Mom