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Interview: Why I Cheated On My Wife

Dating & Relationships / He Said / March 5, 2014

Cheating. When we hear that word, we often wonder a couple of things:  what lead up to it, why they did it and did they stay together?

I had the opportunity to interview Fredrick, a man who cheated on his wife.  He explains why he did it and why he will never cheat on anyone else again.

What made you decide to cheat?

Fredrick: “When I was married my wife cheated on me often. It hurt like hell and I wanted to see what it felt like to do the same. So I allowed her actions to dictate my feelings. Mind you now I have NEVER cheated in my life but hurt & pain will make you do things you never would done before. Plus revenge played a factor too.”

How did you find out that your wife was cheating? After you found out, did you confront her?

Fredrick:  “I found out from the guy she was cheating with. He was a friend who stabbed me in the back. Yes, I confronted her and at first she denied it, but after I told her I knew who it was, she then came clean. We were married for 17 years. I stayed because I took my wedding vows to heart and really wanted to make it work but she had other ideas and continued to be unfaithful.”

Interview: Why I Cheated On My Wife

How long did you guys stay together after she found out? Was she only cheating with your best friend? 

Fredrick:  We just broke it off last year and no, she cheated with many other guys. So I know how it feels to be cheated on and being a cheater. I know that I’ll NEVER do it again because I love me too much to ever allow myself to be hurt that way again.

If you took your vows seriously, why did YOU cheat? Did your wife find out about your infidelity?

Fredrick:  “I wanted to see what it felt like to do the same. So I allowed her actions to dictate my feelings. Mind you now I have NEVER cheated in my life but hurt & pain will make you do things you never would done before. Plus revenge played a factor, too. After I did it I felt so very low and dirty and promised to NEVER allow what others did to me affect how I do others or myself.”

“Oh she found out because I told her. It was with her best friend! I figured that a fair exchange was not a robbery!!!”

Did you ever ask her “why” she cheated?

Fredrick:  “She said she wanted to see what it was like. Even though she knew it was wrong. Dude told her what she wanted to hear at the time. I guess it is true that women are creatures of sound and men are creatures of sight!”

What advice would you give to a man who is going through the same thing? Do you think that you were “justified” to cheat?

Fredrick:  “My advise would be to have the lines of communication open with your mate open at all times and talk to them not at them. Make sure to be honest when talking and always be willing to forgive first and then work on making it work if it’s not beyond repair. I don’t think I was Justified to cheat because I should have never allowed my hurt feelings make me do something I said I would never do. I learned a valuable lesson from that experience. I learned to listen to that voice from deep within that lets me know something is not right.”

What would you have done differently in your marriage?

Fredrick:  I think I would have paid more Attention to the signs as well as her needs. Somewhere down the line I think I dropped the ball and failed to see the problem. I think she could have been more open and honest also. Remember she made the choice to cheat.


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on July 30, 2013

I’m a firm believe that through forgiveness and communication marriages can work. But geez..finding out my partner is cheating would be mind blowing.
The relationship blogger at What You Allow

    on July 30, 2013

    Yes, in that particular situation, there is NO get back! I just couldn’t do it!

on July 30, 2013

This guy says that his wife cheated many times. At some point you have to take responsibility for your part in the marriage. If you are staying and she is still cheating, then on some level you are allowing that bad behavior.

Do not allow someone to continue to cheat on your. Either get out or stay and stop complaining. The choice is yours.

    on July 30, 2013

    I agree but sometime you love someone so much and they “say” that they will change and as we can see in this situation, she didn’t. I would have left rather quickly. You can’t continue to disrespect me and our marriage and I stay and deal with it. No way!!

on August 2, 2013

Wow that is really sad that a women found a good faithful man (most men are dogs) and then turn on him

I hope you find someone else deserving of your love Fredrick

on August 19, 2013

I had an ex who cheated on me and I tried to forgive him. In the end, it didn’t work out. I would never forget that he cheated and the extent that he went to cover it up. He lied a lot, so he couldn’t be trusted. There’s nothing else you can do if the person can’t even be honest with the cheating.

    on August 19, 2013

    I agree. I think that it is very hard to forget cheating. It will always ne in the back of your head if her stays out too late, phone rings late, etc. I don’t think that’s the harest thing to let go of

on September 16, 2013

[…] a cheater, always a you believe this to be true?  Let’s see what Jay has to say about this topic and what […]

on March 5, 2014

I’d like to hear her side. Why did she start cheating in the first place? What was laking? You don’t just cheat for the hell of it do you? She’s scandalous and he deserves better but two wrongs don’t make a right.

    on March 5, 2014

    I agree, too wrongs don’t make a right. I would like to hear her side as well, however, I don’t think I can get her.

on March 5, 2014

Thanks to Frederick for sharing his story with us. As a married woman who recently found out her hubs was making plans on doing the deal, I know how devastating it can be. Thankfully, we are working it out and not getting divorced. I take my vows seriously enough to try and find forgiveness for his actions, but it’s not easy. Two wrongs definitely don’t make a right.

    on March 5, 2014

    Bren, it takes a strong woman to forgive a man in that type of situation. I pray that they two of you can get past this/ Praying for you, Sis.

      on March 5, 2014

      Thanks Ty. It’s not easy but we’re doing the best we can.

        on March 5, 2014

        Your welcome!

on October 4, 2014

My husband was caught by me putting up a profile at a website called citysex, and he claimed he didn’t know it was a site for married was the last straw..he said he needed a “friend” because i was always studying for school or on Facebook, flirting with my ex’s.. the last part is as untrue as the day is long….but in his mind, it made his bad okay….the marriage has been over for several months, when i found out that he did indeed starting seeing someone from that site….. i have since starting dating, and talking to other men, and he is very upset about that.. i actually, talk to someone now, whom i really like..but like always, life has tossed in some major curveballs, distance between Him and myself, a major health concern on my side, not to mention I’m still in college, and back raising my step daughter because her dad, my soon to be ex,refuses to treat her like a human being…your blog is something i am glad i found out about. .

    on October 5, 2014

    Wow! I never knew a site like that existed! It’s funny how when men are in the wrong that want to try to pass the blame by jumping to stupid conclusions and trying to place the blame elsewhere.
    I’m glad that you have started to do your own thing and I wish you all the luck in the world. Hopefully you will find true happiness.
    Don’t be a staranger

      on October 5, 2014

      Ty..we need more real women out here telling us how it really is…yeah, its been rough, but i know with your wisdom, God’s strength, i will get through this unwanted mid-life singledom.. please keep it real, honest and straightforward..

        on October 5, 2014

        Thanks Rachel! I will, indeed!!!

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