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So What You Saying?
Remember in high school when people assumed that just because they kissed a person or did something like grinding at the dance, that they were in a relationship with that person? Well, I’ve noticed that the same thing is still happening today with some of the adults around me. Mind you, most are in their late 20’s, early 30’s and beyond the time to mature.
Here is the latest scenario from one of my employees. They have been going out with this person for about a little over two months and they came in all down and depressed. I asked were they okay and I get the fury of a person burned by emotions. They told me that they found out that the person they were dating has been going out with another person. After about 2 mins of cursing this person to the heavens and back, I asked a simple question, “Did you talk to them about being exclusive?” Well lo and behold the answer was NO. Then the next question I asked made them feel like a child, “Did you talk about what you guys were doing as a relationship, dating or whatever?” Again the answer was NO. It took a lot of strength not to laugh but I understand the situation all too well. It is said that communication is one of the most important keys to a good relationship, without it, a relationship is doomed to fail epically.
People, we must understand and realize, as human beings, we are not mind readers and everyone will not pick up on assumptions or simple actions because we all are different. So the first step is make it known and understood what is happening; be it getting to know one another, just hanging out or even nothing more than a physical thing, speak up so that you both are on the same page or decide mutually to not proceed any further. In my opinion, a real man or woman will give that respect to another to make a choice to proceed or not. If everything is laid on the table up front, any pain will be short-lived, if there is a bad parting of ways.
1). Ask questions as much as possible. They don’t have to be direct but subtle to get a better idea of who you are dealing with.
2). Don’t assume anything. Once you assume things are how you perceive them, you leave yourself open to hurt and pain.
3). Be honest with not just the other person but yourself. I have become good friends with ladies that I knew it just was not going to work out with. Never lead someone to a place that you are not planning to go.
4). Look beyond the cover. Sometimes when you look at the total package you are pleasantly surprised with more than you expected.
5). Ask yourself some serious questions. What do you want? Can you deal with their flaws? Can they deal with your flaws? Try to answer the hard questions and you won’t sweat the small ones.
Doing this is not the know all…end all, but from my experience, it will help to build a solid foundation in whatever kind of relationship that develops. I can honestly say that I have applied this to my marriage and we survived the dating period. She trusts, loves, respects and has faith in me and I can say she is my best friend that knows I’m completely open with her and vice versa. To me, that is a real relationship that can survive ANYTHING.