page contents

Reflections of 40 – The Realist Blog Post That I Will EVER Write

From the Editor / February 26, 2014

Today I turned the Big 4-0! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Sexy Single Mommy is 40 years old.  I know…I know, it is hard to believe seeing that I look so young and all but as the saying goes, “Good Black don’t crack” plus it’s in the genes ( I get it from my Mama!)

Turning 40 is a big deal for a lot of people and it is a big deal for me.  For months now, my friends have been asking me what I was going to do for my birthday and I had all the grand plans of trips and parties, etc but the closer that I got to 40, my mind-set changed.  I became very indecisive, more so than I can ever remember being and my friends became frustrated that I kept constantly changing my plans.  One day it was a trip to Cancun, the next to Vegas, the next Palm Springs, then it was a day at the spa and so on and so forth.  I simply could not decide what I wanted to do.

The reason that I was so indecisive was because I wasn’t really looking forward to turning 40.  You see, there are so many things that I “thought” that I would have accomplished by 40 such as, being established in a career that I loved, going back and finishing my last year of college, owning a home and maybe even being married.  As I look back, life got in the way and I got in the way of myself.  I made some bad decisions, did some things that I regret, said things that I couldn’t take back and hurt some people.

I had a baby at 16 that I gave up for adoption, dropped out of college to work full-time, and never went back because the money started getting “really good” (despite not having a degree), been in love once, had one son but aborted others, hurt some really good men with my words or actions because I was too busy trying to be a “pimp” and “come up” off of a guy or because I thought that the grass was greener or the other side and to just say it…I was a cheater.

I have often been told that I have the mentality of a man, especially when it related to relationships.  I have this thing about “committing ” to someone and thus I don’t.  I had a conversation with my best friend just today and I told her that I have never met someone who I wanted to be with all the time.  Well, maybe one, but I messed that up…

Nowadays, I enjoy my space. I have been dating someone for almost a year and I enjoy seeing him every other weekend.  I have never wanted to be up under someone all the time.  After so long..a day or two…I need you to go home or I go home.  That’s enough time.  Let me miss you.  SMH at myself but if I am going to keep it 100 at all times, I can’t start sugar-coating things now, right?

As I look back at my 40 years, I have to wonder if I had not said this or if only I could take back that or if I had not done this…how different my life would be today but don’t we all go through those regrets?  I guess those “regrets” can probably be called life lessons and by going through those things, it shapes us into the people that we are today. With that being said, I ask myself, “Who is Ty?”

I am an independent, proud woman who has a hard time asking for help because I don’t want anyone thinking that I can’t handle things by myself.  I am outspoken and will “read” someone QUICK but I am learning to tame my tongue and not be so quick to say what is on my mind.  I have a tough outer shell but I am soft on the inside (this has just occurred over the last few years.)  I am a leader.  I am a diva in every sense of the word!  I can be self-centered but I am working on that. I am strong-willed but I am learning to compromise.  I am a lover of music, books, tall men and chocolate.  I am still a work in progress.

On this day (actually I writing this an hour and half before I turn 40), I am listening to oldies and thinking about the soundtrack of my life and The Commodores, “Zoom” is the song that speaks to me about my next 40+ years…

Ohh I’d like to greet the sun each morning
And walk amongst the stars at night
I’d like to know the taste of honey in my life, in my life
Well I’ve shared so many pains
And I’ve played so many games
Ohh but everyone finds the right way
Somehow
Somewhere
Someday

I’ll find my way…somehow…somewhere…someday.  Happy 40th Birthday to me!

NOTE: This is a re-post from July 28, 2013. My 40th birthday was July 29, 2013. 

the sexy single mommy


Tags: , , , , , , ,



Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




Previous Post

Online Dating Thoughts on the Guys and Their Missteps…

Next Post

So You Want a Husband...Huh?





You might also like



37 Comments

on July 29, 2013

BRAVO!!! I always been proud of you my dear friend and I and extremely delighted that our paths crossed along the way, because you have taught me so much, advised me well and been a true friend through it all.

Happy 40th Birthday!!!! You’re the greatest! (((hugs)))

    on July 29, 2013

    Thank you, Tosha! You have also been a great friend and I am so luck to be able to call you a “friend” because you know how I am about that! Thank you for all your support. Love you!!

on July 29, 2013

Happy Birthday Ty!!

    on July 29, 2013

    Thank you!!!

on July 29, 2013

Happy Birthday!! I turned 40. . . .three years ago! LOL! And I also had these ideas of grand plans in my head (for a celebration) but in the end I had a nice dinner at a restaurant with my family. Because they are the ones who really matter and who have ALWAYS been there. I think with age not only comes wisdom but clarity. We start to see ourselves and the rest of the world a lot clearer. And when you can tell the truth about yourself, forgive yourself and still love yourself despite it alll. . .it’s a beautiful thing! You’ve got many years of living, learning and loving to do, Ty, I wish you all the best!!! :-))

    on July 29, 2013

    Thank you, Tracie. Yes, family is what matters most and I did enjoy dinner with my family on Saturday and shopping with my BFF on Sunday. You know you are correct in saying that with age brings clarity. By writing this post exposing my truth, I felt like a lot of weight was taken off. I look forward to the “second” half of life!

on July 29, 2013

Happy Birthday Ty! Enjoy your special day.

P.S. As we look back over life, the good and the bad, is all a blessing and leads us right to where we need to be.

    on July 29, 2013

    Thank you! You know, you are so right!

on July 29, 2013

Damn I’m glad I’m not old as dirt yet lol. Happy Birthday Ty I’m blessed to have you as a friend.

    on July 29, 2013

    Whatever! You aren’t far behind!! Thank you!

on July 29, 2013

Woow Buddy I am so proud of you for opening up, I’m sure it was really hard and very painful, but you did it and the healing process can now begin. I am shouting gloryyyyy with you because God has heard your cries and healing your wounds and now getting ready to bless you. I am proud of your accomplishments and maybe this was what was plan In the beginning and you didn’t see it, but skies the limit. You are a awesome woman. You raised “our son”, lol to be a brilliant little boy. My godson is an amazing little boy that will be very success, because of his Sexy Single Mommy. I love you BUDDY and hope you enjoy this day, your day, MMUUaahhhh.

on July 29, 2013

Happy Birthday Ty. My prayer for you is continued success. You are truly a treasure.

on July 31, 2013

Happy Birthday but, I got you beat.

I’m sexy and 53 years old. Yeah, who’s your daddy?

    on July 31, 2013

    LOL! Yes, you do!

on August 1, 2013

I was NOT expecting this. The honesty of this post is beautiful! You have a story to tell and for you to be able to share pieces of your 40 years on this post is very telling of how strong you are. I am touched that you shared this with me – with us. Beautiful, beautiful piece. Happy belated birthday lioness. You look awesome!

    on August 1, 2013

    Thank you. This post was a long time coming and I guess it was just time to let it all out. Thank you for the positive comment. I truly appreciate it.

on August 5, 2013

Girlllll, Listen …. I have a few years before I turn 40 but most of what you said I can completely and totally relate to. I appreciate you being so candid and telling your truth. It’s the only way we can move forward and bring about change.

    on August 5, 2013

    Thank you so much! This was a tough one to write and I appreciate your comment

on August 8, 2013

This is deeeeeep!!! I salute you for keepin it 100…. U look amazing for 40.. And ur right Black does not crack unless your doing crack.. Lol…

    on August 8, 2013

    Thank you, Ciarra!

on August 14, 2013

[…] you recall my “Reflections of 40” post, I had a baby at 16, but I was pregnant at 15.  I remember when I told him that I was […]

on August 21, 2013

Let me say again Happy Birthday! Thanks for sharing and keeping it 100! I know this had to be a hard one and I can relate to some of the things you touched on. Getting things out is a way to keep moving forward. Cudos to you 🙂

    on August 21, 2013

    Thanks Nikki! It was time to let it out!

on August 22, 2013

Ty I had soapy things I wanted to have accomplished before I turned 40 as well and being debt free was a biggie but that is still a long ways out! And my 40th birthday sucked! Didn’t even do anything special.

Thanks for sharing your story.

    on August 22, 2013

    Your welcome. Glad, it wasn’t just me with all the grand ideas!

on August 30, 2013

Thank you for re-opening this post and thank you for the honesty. I’m 41 and where I want to be in life. A few years ago I wouldn’t have imagined moving my children around the world to pursue a PhD; I’m glad I did.

I am where I want to be physically, now on to tackle the emotionally, smiles.

Thanks for sharing this.

    on August 30, 2013

    Your welcome. I am glad that you enjoyed it

on September 15, 2013

It’s always a great day when you’re appreciated for beig chocolate and tall lmao! I’m always encouraged by women when i write to make my articles more personal. I think there’s some personal elements in all my pieces. But some days i really dive in deep, and it know it goes towards really helping someone. that’s what you did here, you were transparent… we all dig transparency. I’m flirting with 25 and I aint where i wanna be either but we push forth. As long as we’re breathing the prospect of progress if ever looming you know? great stuff darling.

    on September 15, 2013

    Thanks, Pops! Yes, you do add a little of yourself in what you write (I’v been stalking you for awhile on Single Black Male)LOL! I think that it is so true that when you write with transparency, your readers can relate to you more.

      on September 15, 2013

      Stalk away, if what I write resonates with a well traveled woman as yourself then I know I’m onto something solid

        on September 15, 2013

        LOL! You do a great job…why do you think I anted you as a contributor but I still can’t believe you are so young!!

          on September 15, 2013

          Lol why so shocked about the age?

          on September 15, 2013

          Because the topics that you write about seems to come with experience. How can you be so wise at such an early age? How much relationship stuff have you been through, my friend?

on September 15, 2013

Lol you might be onto something, that conversation has depth to it in and of itself lol we can talk or text about that one.

    on September 15, 2013

    LOL! Sending you a DM!

on September 18, 2013

[…] I said it!  I have never said it before and have adamantly denied it for years.  I mean, who confesses to that?  Not me.  At least not out loud, anyway!    Before you get crazy and start having all […]

on March 4, 2014

Glad you enjoyed it!!



Let's Talk! I want to know what you think?


More Story

Online Dating Thoughts on the Guys and Their Missteps…

Online dating. To some this can still seem taboo, desperate or dangerous.  Many say you never truly know if the person you are talking...

February 25, 2014
UA-33622047-1