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So You Want a Husband…Huh?

Dating & Relationships / Single Mommy Stuff / February 27, 2014

So You Want a Husband...Huh?

The last thing a woman wants to hear is to be patient when finding a husband. Besides all you’ve done up to this point was wait anyway, right? Some of you have been waiting so long for a husband that you’ve cancelled out the idea of marriage altogether. Being married to the wrong person is far worse than being single. There is so much more that goes into a marriage besides, “I do.”  Look at your relationship now (if you are in one). Are you in love one day and fighting the next? If so, that’s dysfunctional. Of course everyone has fights and disagreements but this should not be the entire makeup of your relationship.So You Want a Husband...Huh?

We often rush into relationships based on our feelings at that moment…either we are lonely or horny. Being in an unstable relationship like this will cause more harm than good. The first thing you should ask yourself when contemplating a serious relationship is “Is this the type of man you want your son to grow up like?” If the answer is no. He is not the one. Other questions to ask yourself.

 So You Want a Husband...Huh?

  • How is he when no one is looking?
  • How does he react when you push his buttons?
  • Do you all share the same beliefs?
  • Is he mentally, financially, and emotionally ready for marriage?
  • Does he want children and he is fully ready to accept yours?
  • Is divorce an option for either party?

Before you get into a serious relationship (especially if you are marriage minded) don’t settle for someone who isn’t marriage minded themselves. You will waste a lot of time hoping and praying for a marriage that will probably never come. And don’t settle on being someone’s common law wife. You deserve so much more than that.

If you are single, don’t look for your future spouse to put things in order for you. You need to start putting things in order for yourself during this downtime. Just like you want a man to be prepared for a long-term commitment with you, you should also want to prepare yourself.

  • Have things in your past relationships carried over into new relationships?

  • Are you still bitter from the last relationship you were in?

  • Are you ready for the man to be the man or do you want to wear the pants?

  • Do you really want a husband or just a wedding?

  • Are you ready to make sacrifices?

The moral of this story is, “Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. So go into it with a clear mind and an open heart.”

Have you considered marriage with someone? What flaws about them gave you second thoughts?

Credit Photo:  S2S Magazine


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Candace Fleming
Candace Fleming is the founder of What You Allow. She writes solely to empower women (both in and out of relationships) and teach men what women like, along the way. Besides blogging, Candace enjoys decorating, reading, and watching reality tv (her guilty pleasure). If you are curious about the thoughts floating around in her head, visit her at What You Allow.




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18 Comments

on June 3, 2013

Good post and even greater questions to ask yourself! Love the last picture! LOL! I have recently started thinking of marriage a lot since it would be the next step in my relationship. After a serious evaluation, I realized my boyfriend was so much more prepared than me. I realized I do have to work on myself in order to be a wife. There are some valuable things I did come into the relationship with like being confident in who I am and what I want in life, but other areas like sacrifice and being encouraging are not ingrained in me so I am growing. 🙂

on June 3, 2013

Fabellis, Im glad you enjoyed reading this article. The best thing you can do for yourself is point out your flaws and work on fixing them. Not a lot of people can take a step back and do what you did.

http://www.whatyouallow.com

on June 3, 2013

I think all the questions are great, but how do you truly define a relationship these days? Is it monogamous sex or a commitment (the idle boy/friend girlfriend bit). Then what do you say to those single moms who haven’t been in. Relationship since their children were born (some 3, 8, or 13 years ago).

on June 3, 2013

An, interesting questions. Relationships are still what they use to be. No matter how people try to tweak it, it will always remain to be between two monogamous people. I still believe that. Another point is, a relationship is whatever you choose to make out of it. If you define your own relationship.

As far as being a single mom goes (and I am one) it can be a huge transition for some but its not impossible. I suggest you figure out what it is you want and then date accordingly. If your mind frame is set on, “I’m probably never going to get married.” Then you probably won’t. You are just as capable as finding a husband as a single woman.

I think you have to be open and willing to meet your future husband half way.

on June 3, 2013

Candace,

Wonderful article. I love the picture of the people having sex and then the next one they are back to back. One of the biggest mistakes women make is having sex too quickly after meeting the guy. What most do not realize is that when they do that they become just like every other woman he has slept with and he loses respect for them. Besides if a woman gives it up too quickly most guys thinks she gives it up too easy all the time and no man wants an easy woman for a long term relationship. To hit it every now and then? Maybe. Long term relationship? No way.

on June 3, 2013

Hey Shawn, thank for commenting.

And you’re right, many lose the thrill once they’ve had sex, and I cant blame them. However….. sex should not have a time table on it. If I like you and you like me.. then why not doing something we both want to share with each other.

That’s why women make guys wait. In my opinion, you should do what feels right and not calculate your every move.

As far as sleeping with guys, its best to WAIT UNTIL YOU KNOW HIS INTENTIONS. I dont care how many times he says he wants you and blah, blah, blah, make sure his actions matches his words.

    on June 3, 2013

    Candace,

    The problem with that is that just doing what we want without the benefit of an established relationship is one of main reasons we have so many fatherless homes. Many woman, not all, only look at the guy as what type of boyfriend or potential husband he will be and not how good of a father he will be. And believe me in a guys eyes his viewpoint of a woman changes if she gives it up too early. Having been a guy and having talked to guys all my life, this is one thing I know.

      on June 3, 2013

      Shawn, I’m not knocking what you said. I guess its just sad that a woman value goes down after a she gives the same thing she is getting.

      But that’s life.

        on June 3, 2013

        Well it is also about biology. Men tend to be able to have casual, meaningless sex much easier than women. Now this is not a good thing and nothing to be bragged about. I think many of the ills in our communites are the result of these kinds of “hook ups.”

        My only point is if a woman really wants a husband, then she will need to be much more selective about who she has sex with than a man will. She will be the one left to raise the child because the guy wanted to have a good time, but never intended to be a father.

          on June 3, 2013

          And the church said AMEN!

          on June 4, 2013

          On point!

on June 3, 2013

LOL..thank you Candace. Keep up the great writing. I look forward to reading more.

    on June 3, 2013

    Thank you Shawn, I enjoyed your insightful comments. You can also find me at http://www.whatyouallow.com.

    Hope to see you soon!

      on June 3, 2013

      Beautiful site. You have just got a new fan. I love the subjects. I will have to have you on my Blogtalk Radio show…..http://blackwomanradio.com/

on June 4, 2013

Great questions to ask before you get married. I think many girls fall in love with the idea of a wedding and haven’t thought enough about the lifetime of commitment that goes with it so I particularly liked the question “Do you really want a husband or just a wedding?”

Weddings often skew sensible decisions. I even had a friend who had huge doubts about her decision and still went through with the wedding despite knowing he was already unfaithful to her – in this case not because she wanted a the whole fairytale wedding thing, but because she was afraid to stop all the arrangements that had been made. Needless to say, she was divorced a few years later.

Makes it doubly important to ask those questions before you even get engaged and it’s too late.

on June 4, 2013

Shawn, I checked you out. Awesome website btw. We can certainly link up soon.

Ana, I know for a fact that doubts never end well. But you live and learn. I’m sure your friend has learned her lesson.

    on June 4, 2013

    She did, I think. She just got married again but it took her years to make up her mind this time…

on June 5, 2013

I’m glad to hear that Ana.



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