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So What You Saying?
Single ladies, we may not think about it every day but it is in the back of our heads every time we receive that wedding invitation in the mail or see that someone has changed their status on Facebook to ”engaged.” “When will I find MY Mr. Right?”
Among the women that I consider “close” friends, only 4 are married, 2 are divorced and the remainder of us have never been married. We are all in our mid 30’s and early 40’s and when I look at our white counterparts; I have to wonder what is it that we are doing wrong? The stats tell us that there is a shortage of eligible black men but are we pushing away the eligible ones and choosing the unavailable ones?
Ladies, you know the ones that I am speaking of. Let me list them for you:
I have to wonder if many of us are still single because we continue to choose the “wrong” guys and let the “good” ones get away. Are you settling for a “piece” of a man for the sake of saying that you have a man? Are you okay with that?
When did it become okay to resign ourselves to a life of unhappiness and often time loneliness when dealing one of these unavailable men? For those of you who are dealing with married men, what do you tell yourself on holidays when you don’t see him because he is with his family? Are you REALLY cool with that or have you convinced yourself that you knew the job was going to be crazy when you took it and you’re okay with the situation? Or have you not realized that the reason you don’t see him on holidays, don’t talk to him late at night and hasn’t taken you around his family is because he is married?
It’s funny how so many of us are willing to accept the bad behavior of unavailable men when the available men are right there but we don’t bother to give him any play? Let’s explore why the available men are not as appealing to us as the unavailable men are.
The reasons why we reject the available men are:
And we wonder why we are alone? Where did we learn that is unacceptable to be with a man who doesn’t have any drama or who is a “square” AKA a good guy? So many women are used to the drama that comes along with the bad boys that when we get with someone who is drama free, we don’t know how to act and begin to create drama for the sake of having some type of drama going on. Thus we scare off the available men and run back into the bed of the bad boy.
Once we become old enough to realize that if we want to become “wifey” we better start acting fast and that available man begins to look more and more appealing. We become involved with the available guy not because we are trying to fall in love but because we realize that we are getting older and don’t want to be single for the rest of our lives. The available man is safe and stable. They are usually good providers and if we played our cards right, they are “in love” with us. So much so that we convince him that we need a ring, which he presents and we say yes out of convenience, not because we love him. We are “in love” with what he can provide us with and that is the title of “wife” so many of us seek. “I can learn to love him,” we tell ourselves and maybe one day we can but for now, we will accept his ring and nice, drama free life that he can provide but are we “truly” happy?