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Good Guys VS Bad Guys…Are You Still Single Because You Are Choosing The Wrong One?

Dating & Relationships / From the Editor / February 18, 2014
Good Guys VS Bad Guys...Are You Still Single Because You Are Choosing The Wrong One?



Single ladies, we may not think about it every day but it is in the back of our heads every time we receive that wedding invitation in the mail or see that someone has changed their status on Facebook to ”engaged.”  “When will I find MY Mr. Right?”

Among the women that I consider “close” friends, only 4 are married, 2 are divorced and the remainder of us have never been married. We are all in our mid 30’s and early 40’s and when I look at our white counterparts; I have to wonder what is it that we are doing wrong? The stats tell us that there is a shortage of eligible black men but are we pushing away the eligible ones and choosing the unavailable ones?

Ladies, you know the ones that I am speaking of.  Let me list them for you:

  1. married men
  2. the men that are in relationships
  3. the men with the bomb sex but can’t offer anything else
  4. the thug
  5. emotionally unavailable men
  6. the players and lairs

I have to wonder if many of us are still single because we continue to choose the “wrong” guys and let the “good” ones get away.  Are you settling for a “piece” of a man for the sake of saying that you have a man? Are you okay with that?

Good Guys VS Bad Guys...Are You Still Single Because You Are Choosing The Wrong One?
When did it become okay to resign ourselves to a life of unhappiness and often time loneliness when dealing one of these unavailable men? For those of you who are dealing with married men, what do you tell yourself on holidays when you don’t see him because he is with his family? Are you REALLY cool with that or have you convinced yourself that you knew the job was going to be crazy when you took it and you’re okay with the situation?  Or have you not realized that the reason you don’t see him on holidays, don’t talk to him late at night and hasn’t taken you around his family is because he is married?
It’s funny how so many of us are willing to accept the bad behavior of unavailable men when the available men are right there but we don’t bother to give him any play? Let’s explore why the available men are not as appealing to us as the unavailable men are.
The reasons why we reject the available men are:

  1. They are boring
  2. They are squares
  3. They have no backbone
  4. They don’t have any drama
  5. They aren’t exciting

And we wonder why we are alone?  Where did we learn that is unacceptable to be with a man who doesn’t have any drama or who is a “square” AKA a good guy?  So many women are used to the drama that comes along with the bad boys that when we get with someone who is drama free, we don’t know how to act and begin to create drama for the sake of having some type of drama going on. Thus we scare off the available men and run back into the bed of the bad boy.

Once we become old enough to realize that if we want to become “wifey” we better start acting fast and that available man begins to look more and more appealing.  We become involved with the available guy not because we are trying to fall in love but because we realize that we are getting older and don’t want to be single for the rest of our lives.  The available man is safe and stable.  They are usually good providers and if we played our cards right, they are “in love” with us.  So much so that we convince him that we need a ring, which he presents and we say yes out of convenience, not because we love him.  We are “in love” with what he can provide us with and that is the title of “wife” so many of us seek.  “I can learn to love him,” we tell ourselves and maybe one day we can but for now, we will accept his ring and nice, drama free life that he can provide but are we “truly” happy?

On our honeymoons are we fantasizing about the bad boy who used to break our backs and wish that he was the one making love to us? Sometime some of us get so caught up in this fantasy world that we believe that we can have our cake and it too because our husbands aren’t the men we thought they may be one day and creep off to hook up with the bad guy.
This may seem like an exaggeration but it happens everyday when women who are attracted to unavailable men and crave the drama that he brings, decides to suppress that desire by marrying the available man but still lusts after the bad boy.  She only married the good guy for what he could provide for her and hopefully she can, one day,  learn to love her husband.
Sometimes some of us need to go through some thangs to realize that the person that we are supposed to be with may be right in front of our faces, even if he is a “square” and drama free.  Even if we have yet to meet our, “Mr. Right,” we need to stop overlooking the good guys and start avoiding the ones that don’t have our best interest at heart. Many of us, single ladies who are running around crying that we can’t find a man are the same ones that are quick to hook up with the Bad Guys. We need to start evaluating our choices and place ourselves in better positions to meet men who are available, and then maybe our chances of becoming “wifey” may improve.
What do you think…Are women single because they are choosing the wrong guys?
the sexy single mommy

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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22 Comments

on August 12, 2012

Great analogy because we base marriage on the “world Defintion,” and out of ignorance. If you don't know any better, you can't do any better..What I have finally learned, you ask God to sent you a mate compatible to you..If anyone knows what you need HE does..I have selected men that I thought I could fix..Because in my subconscious, I was trying to fix my biological dad…As you have guessed, it has been a disaster..So,young ladies looking or those feeling that they're running out of time..Know this God has your perfect mate..waiting, as soon as you let go and let God..Ps. Make sure you are ready and equipped..because GOD know what He is doing..Amen!

    on August 12, 2012

    Great feedback

on August 12, 2012

Love this post

on August 12, 2012

We need to start evaluating our choices and place ourselves in better positions to met men who are available
THIS IS GREAT ADVICE !!!!!!!

    on August 12, 2012

    Thanks, April

on August 12, 2012

Our thirty-two year old son is looking for Mrs. Right. I'm going to see to it that he reads your post.

on August 12, 2012

LMAo Thanks for stopping by my blog from the hope! I am so happy to be your newest follow, I think I an going to really enjoy your blog.

    on August 13, 2012

    Thanks for stopping by Sarah! Stay tuned!

on August 13, 2012

Most of the time you have met a good man, you just don't wont him. http://www.blackconvo.com

on September 6, 2012

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to share. It was me at one time too. There are a lot of women out there that need to read this!

    on September 9, 2012

    That was crazy!!

on September 10, 2012

it’s better to still be single because you keep choosing the wrong man, than to be married and miserable because you chose the wrong man.
Just sayin’

on June 27, 2013

I think one of the problems Black women have and will continue to have is there reluctance to date outside their race. There are just not enough single Black men that want to settle down compared to the number of Black women that want to settle down. Also, they will need to meet and greet more people. You will not find that good man sitting at home waiting on Fed Ex to drop him off.

    on June 27, 2013

    No, FedEx will not drop him off but if you have a preference, ie Black Men, that’s what you will stay with

      on June 27, 2013

      That is so true and that is why many Black women will end up alone or in bad relationships. There is just not the number of Black men that want to settle down as there are Black women. Why do you think it takes them so long to get married or to get into loving relationships. Many men understand this. We may have a preference, but at the end of the day it is about being in a relationships or finding someone you want to be with.

on June 27, 2013

You cant blame everyone else if you are the common dominator

    on June 28, 2013

    LOL! This is very true!

    on June 28, 2013

    Ebony that was right on point. It is about taking owernership for the choices you make.

on February 18, 2014

Women do it to themselves.

Stay unmarried & forever chase the men you really wanna be with.

Win or lose.

on February 18, 2014

Amen! You have to demand what you want. So many women “settle” and that’s where all the problems and drama come into play.

on February 19, 2014

This is so true! I had to distance myself from the single women who have the mentality that all men are dogs, just because they’re dating dogs! I love the way you broke down the types of men(bad/good)…hopefully women with a negative view of marriage and/or relationships can be changed by this post! I’m a true believer that true love is God-ordained. I love…LOVE!

    on February 20, 2014

    I am glad that you enjoyed this post! There are a lot of women who are not “clear” about the man that they are dating and other are simply delusional. Shawn, did an excellent job with this post!!



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