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How To Take A Relationship Break Without Conceiving A Love Child

Dating & Relationships / January 7, 2014

Ludacris and Dwayne Wade are just two of the many simple-minded, dick-driven men that use “taking a relationship break” as an excuse to bed down anyone they can find. Worse that they managed to impregnate their bedfellows during the process. If you’re going to have “break sex” at least have protected “break sex.”

These men are giving breaks a bad name, and I’m lightweight upset about it. As a life and wellness coach I discuss relationship issues with my clients on a regular basis. Often they are deciding whether or not taking a relationship break would be a good move at this juncture in their relationship. I am all for taking breaks if handled respectfully by both partners.
How To Take A Relationship Break Without Conceiving A Love Child
Taking a step back from a relationship before choosing to move forward with it is a healthy, and sometimes necessary act. Breaks can be a great thing for a relationship, but thanks to these two high profile idiots, people are viewing taking a break as one big joke. (Not to mention how they’re viewing the women in these “relationships.”)
I have been with my now husband since I was 19 years old. When we were dating we took a break from our relationship at critical time. We went into it solidly but with doubts about the future, and came out of it prepared to move forward, together. Now we’re happily married and raising a family together.

Taking a break, when done the right way, can bring clarity to your relationship and life. Here are some tips to taking a successful break (without conceiving a love child)

Determine Your Reasons

How To Take A Relationship Break Without Conceiving A Love Child

Before bringing up a break, do some introspection and figure out why you want to “take a break” versus staying fully committed, or just breaking up all together. What do you hope to gain from the time apart? What will need to happen for you to know that your break has been successful? Breaks are not band aids or games and shouldn’t be used with hopes that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

Discuss the Terms of the Break

There need to be clearly defined rules when taking a break. These will be different for each couple. I have clients who chose to view it as “we’re single but not looking.” Meaning, no courting or sexing anyone else. My husband and I chose to view it as, we’re simply taking a break from physically seeing each other each day. Just offering some space to see if this is what we wanted. There was still a level of commitment involved. There are many ways to structure your break so discuss the terms carefully beforehand. Both partners must be all-in, and respectful of whatever guidelines are agreed upon.

Things to consider:

  • how long the break will last
  • how much contact you’ll have with each other
  • what behaviors with others are allowed

Be Communicative

How To Take A Relationship Break Without Conceiving A Love Child

During the break you’ll likely be doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. Have periodic check ins with your partner to ensure that you’re on the same page. Be upfront with any feelings you may have about wanting to just scrap the relationship and break up, or wanting to end the break early and get back together for good. Honesty is indeed the best policy in this case.

Use the Time Well

It’s highly unlikely that a blissfully happy couple that has no issues with each other would decide to take a break. You may be taking this break after several arguments where grievances were aired by both parties. It’s important to use the time during the break for reflection, introspection and working on yourself to be better in general, and not just for your mate.  Journal, seek out a coach or counselor, pray, work on personal development. Whatever resonates with you, whatever it takes. You should also use this precious time to decide what you truly want, moving forward. Your happiness is ultimately what’s being decided.

Be Emotionally Prepared

You may want to end the relationship fully, only to hear from your partner that they’re ready to commit and move forward. Or you may be ready to go ring shopping and your partner approaches you, grateful for the break, looking to divide assets and move on. Either way there will be some pain involved for both parties. Prepare yourself for the possibility of the break ending in a way other than what you imagine.

Not all breaks end with a surprise baby popping up 9 months after. You can use a well-planned break to enhance your relationship or end a relationship guiltlessly. A realistic approach, mutual respect for the situation and each other, as well as a little pre-planning is all it takes.

Good luck to you!

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Danielle Faust
Danielle Faust is a certified life/wellness coach and speaker launching FitNoire, an online fitness magazine for black women. She sips coffee and blogs candidly about life at large at OKDani and can always be found actin' up on Instagram at TheDaniFaust.

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on January 7, 2014

I just don’t understand how people still have sex without condoms in this day and age. If you are going to sleep with someone other than the person you’re on a break from, what is so hard about getting a pack of condoms? Really, I just don’t understand it. If I was a dude, especially a baller, there is no sugar shack that would be good enough for me to go bareback in.

    on January 7, 2014

    EXACTLY! Hey, if you decide your break includes other people, Fine. But why oh why would you not wear a condom.?! These dudes are extra dumb.

on January 7, 2014

Great read. For the life of me I can’t understand how men could be so reckless in these times. I feel sorry for their main chick who has to endure this foolishness. I feel even more sadness for the children who will be born into such horrible circumstances.

    on January 7, 2014

    Oh yeah, the kids. That’s sad. Imagine when they get to a certain age and google their parents or themselves and find out what drama surrounded their conception/birth. So sad.

    on January 8, 2014

    The problem is that the main chick is accepting such behavior.

on January 7, 2014

I just don’t get this. As a main chick I don’t know how I would feel about my man bumping uglies without a condom with another woman and then coming back to me after a break. STDs and unplanned ‘blow child’ babies people!!

    on January 8, 2014

    I think that it is just disrespectful and how do you really excuse that?

on January 8, 2014

I agree with all the comments made here about the lack of protection! That, in my opinion, is just inexcusable! These are GROWN ASS MEN (allegedly) not teenagers! And men who should KNOW that there are women lying in wait to have their child and collect a BIG child support check for 18 years! But MOST importantly you put yourself and the woman you claim to love at risk for all kind of STD’s, that is just dangerous, disrespectful and NASTY!

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