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The 3 Step Process For Finding Mr. Right

Dating & Relationships / He Said / January 29, 2014

Have you ever been to the store to pick up a few things on an empty stomach?  That is usually the times we make the worst decisions.  Even when we are just going to pop in to get one or two staples like milk or bread, we usually end up with basket full of crap that we really don’t need.

Everything we smell we want, even if it is not what we need.  Most of the solid, foundational items are at the back so we have to go past all the impulse items at the front of the store.  The highest priced items are located at eye level, while equally good but less expensive items are located at the top or bottom of the shelf.

Then we pick things off the clearance table that we really don’t need.  Things that we will never use, but they were just so each and cheap we could not pass them up.  Then we get the trashy novel or the impulse item at the checkout stand.  We know it’s not good for us, but it was just so easy and available we could not pass it up.

The same thing happens when we go to look for a mate without a list.  We make bad decisions and poor choices.  We tend to look at the short-term want instead of the long-term need.  We go for convenience and ease instead of stability and value.

So how do you create a checklist to make sure you get exactly what Finding Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now you want?  You can do it in a 3 step process.

Step 1.

Look at your 5 most recent boyfriends.  Make a list of the top 5 qualities that you liked about each one of them.  Now compare the list.  What qualities showed up most often?  Now you have an idea about what you value most in man.  Now compare that quality with the fact is it something that you can base a relationship on or is it something that more shallow?

The 3 Step Process For Finding Mr. Right

You may find out that you place a high value on looks and honesty and trust did not make your list.  You cannot build a solid long-term relationship around such a shallow value.  Looks fade, but cheating and lying are forever.  You will soon forget how attractive he is when he continues to cheat on you.

Step 2.

Make a list of the places that you meet these men at.  What you may find is that you are meeting the same type of men at the same type of place.  You may need to mix up where you are meeting these men at.  It may be nothing wrong with the place, but if you keep doing what you have always done you will keep getting what you have always gotten.

Step 3.

Make a list of the top 5 qualities that you hated about your last 5 boyfriends.  Now see how many of the same qualities they shared.  This will let you know the area that you seem to have a weakness for or at least you allow for the longest in a relationship.

Let’s say that 4 out of your 5 boyfriends turned out to be big liars.  This may mean that you do not hold people accountable enough for being honest with you.  You may continue to overlook little lie after little lie until you explode.  You may always end up with an abusive boyfriend.

Make sure you look at yourself to see what mistakes you keep making.  This will help you be aware of these mistakes going forward.  You want to be alert to the red flags that you have been ignoring up until now.

Finding Mr. Right will not be easy.  There are plenty Mr. Wrongs out there.  One of the ways you can put the odds in your favor is by having a plan.  A plan is like a map to take you to a place that you have never been before or where it has been a long time since you have been there.  You may not need it to get to your destination, but it will make the trip much more enjoyable.

Photo Credit:,


Shawn Hill
Shawn Hill is the notated author of the Single Black Woman’s Guide to Dating. This book can be found on Amazon. He is also the radio host of The Black Woman’s Guide to love on Blog Talk Radio theblackwomanguide You can follow him on his Blog a tblackwealthcreation

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on January 30, 2014

What’s the first step in finding Mr. Right? Get rid of Mr. Wrong.

    on January 30, 2014

    LOL! AMEN!

on February 8, 2014

The other day I was going through this process and for step 2. ALL (with the exception of 1) of the guys I dated, I’ve met at houses of my friends or they have come over to a house I’ve shared with other people. I have yet to meet a man randomly out and about. No WONDER I’m not meeting anyone. My main line to men has dried up cause all my friends are boo’d up or married! (Those relationships didn’t last so I guess I needed to find a new resource anyway)

on April 26, 2014

I LOVE this post! I need to go through and make my checklist immediately so that I can stop impulse “shopping”

    on April 27, 2014

    I’m glad you enjoyed ut. Let us know how it goes

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