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Silly Of Me: Confessions Of A Side Chick

Dating & Relationships / January 28, 2014

As I listen to the lyrics of “Silly” by Deniece Williams I realized just how “silly” I have been in thinking that by being the side chick and being there for a man who was either married or in a relationship, would somehow, someway, earn me the title of “Main Chick” or “Wifey” one day.

I never intentionally set out to be a Side Chick but as fate would have it or maybe it was me just being naive and turning a blind eye to what was right in my face, I became a Side Chick more than once.  At first, I tried to rationalize with myself that I was the one that had it good.  I didn’t have to deal with the day-to-day bullshit that comes along with being his wife/woman.  I didn’t have to wash his dirty drawls, take care of his kids, clean his house and all the other things that came along with being his “Main Chick.”  All I had to do was be there when he wanted to see me, look pretty, make him cum and receive all of the things that I asked for and much of what I didn’t. I was there to listen to him complain about what she did or did not do, the kids and all the other things that he couldn’t tell her about. I made sure that he was comfortable, had his favorite things and food and never said no or complained about being too tired for sex.

I thought that if I showed him what a good woman I was, he would realize that I was the one that should have been his Main Chick, all alone and that he would leave her for me.  Silly of me…

Silly Of Me: Confessions Of A Side Chick

I spent the holidays alone and smiled through them like I was happy about it while my brothers, sisters and cousins all had their mates with them.  I had to withstand all of the questions about “How come I didn’t have a man?”  How could I tell them that I kinda sorta did but he was with his family and/or woman celebrating the holidays.  And all the while they asked me questions about being single, the woman would gush on and on about the new jewelry, handbag or designer outfit that I was wearing, to which I would respond that I either bought it for myself or received it from a “special” friend.

We would usually celebrate the holidays before or after, the actual holiday but they always made sure that I received my gift(s) before that day.  He was usually very apologetic about not being able to be there for me or sometime he would be able to sneak away and come see me that evening.  Never the less, I found myself hoping that every holiday, he would wake up with me, spend the day and attend the family function with me, proving that I, too, had a man.  Silly of me…

I’m not sure where I got the idea that I could eventually be “the one.”  Oh wait…they all sold me that dream.  The dream that they wanted to be with me and they would leave her for me.  A few times, they did leave..at least temporarily and to me is where they came.  Things would be good for days…weeks..and even months but eventually, they went back or I realized that I really didn’t want that “everyday” type of commitment.

Yes, there are times when I said, “Enough is enough” and decided to start dating a man who was available but as soon as he found out, there would be problems.  Jealousy kicked in and they would always have a problem.  I guess in the case of these men the saying is true, they wanted to have their cake and eat it to.  Even though they were in situations, they wanted me to sit around and wait for them.

It’s funny how now a days, reality shows are portraying women in side chick situations and on more than one occasion, the situations that they have shown, I have been in.  On one hand, it’s a trip, seeing your life played out on television and you aren’t the actress in the scene.  On the other hand, when I see my life played out, I feel like a fool.  However, it may be cliché to say but side chicks are winning nowadays, i.e. Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union, even Angelina Joile.  I know many of you reading this will think that I am nothing but a whore and you are entitled to your opinion, but before you stand on your soap box and try to preach to me and tell me how your man would NEVA deal with someone like me, the last wife that recently contacted me, thought the same thing…Silly of her

Photo Credits:  community.allhiphop.com, mommynoire.com


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34 Comments

on January 28, 2014

Love the candor! And uh, the truth.

on January 28, 2014

Wow. WOOOOWWWW!!! Very real & well written. Knowing that this is the reality, are you going to stop?

on January 31, 2014

It happens to most of us, but it’s always better when we realize that there is no happy point in the side chick/main chick situation.

on August 3, 2015

It happens even happened to me and I was the main women smh. In Atlanta it’s so many women to one man they don’t know how to act I gave up trying to wrap my head around it. Men want their cake and cupcakes and the cookie and the candy too. As the side girl though I always tell the ones I know to know their role there will come a time when you will get tired of being second place until then more power to ya.

    on August 3, 2015

    I have heard about how things are in Atlanta. That is just crazy but given the stats I can see it happening.

on August 3, 2015

I never could be the Side Chick because in my mind, I was not gonna take back seat to no one. I have some friends that have and I loved them no less. It was the choice they made. I was always there for the tears and rants. I just always told them you have a choice!

    on August 3, 2015

    I have to agree, women do have a choice. One problem is that a lot of times, women don’t know that they are the side chick until their feelings are involved and then they believe that they can convince him to leave

on August 3, 2015

It’s actually more common than many people think. While no one wants to be in the situation, I do understand how it happens.

    on August 3, 2015

    LaVonndra, yes it is very common. The truth is that most women will never admit to being the side chick.

on August 3, 2015

Great read and she’s right, most women don’t start off wanting to be the side chick. Most men never leave their wives for the side chick anyway. Most. But once in a blue moon it happens. The issue is, all side chicks think they are the blue moon.

    on August 3, 2015

    LOl! Yes, they do believe that they are the blue moon!

    on August 4, 2015

    Very true! I definitely believe that most don’t enter into the relationship wanting to be the side chick but unfortunately, it happens more often than not.

    on September 25, 2016

    You make a great point. The side chick thinking she’ll be the blue moon. In the situations I’ve seen, men don’t leave their wives. They married her for a reason.

on August 3, 2015

It is true, most men don’t leave their main one. They will just grab a couple of others in the meantime and in between time.

    on August 3, 2015

    Holly, this is the truth!!

on August 3, 2015

DAMN! Oops!! Am I allowed to say that??? Well, this was an AWESOME ready to see/hear that one realized it’s not always worth it. POWERFUL and SALUTE to you for owning it girl. Thanks for keeping it totally real and letting others know… IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!!

on August 3, 2015

the side chics usually feel they can handle it, until their emotions comes into play – then they think they can make him leave.

on August 4, 2015

Wow, thanks for being honest and open. While I would never encourage being a side chick, I can see how easy it is for a female to get caught up in it.

on August 4, 2015

Ooooh, snap! I’ve been there before, kinda sorta….I was the ex girl who was still around even when there was a next girl. I wouldn’t do it again, though. What keeps you going back to being the sideline?

on August 4, 2015

I can definitely see how easy it would be to get caught up in that. I can’t imagine why any woman would purposely set out to be a side chick but I know it happens unintentionally all the time.

on August 4, 2015

This was very honest. I appreciate your willingness to examine the situation and take an honest look at it.

on July 19, 2016

If you were to be a main chick, think of how it feels when you know he has a side chick 😉
xoxo

on September 25, 2016

WOW sis, I’m sorry to hear that you found yourself there. I’m glad you owned it and shared with others. You can and will be a great wife when it happens.

on September 25, 2016

Hopefully you have gained a lot from this experience and take the time to evaluate pros and cons. Best of luck in your future journeys.

on September 25, 2016

I think people really believe that ghevside chick will become the main chick. It reminds me of the show Power. Angela was sure she’d become the main chick which she almost did.

on September 25, 2016

Hey it happens. Silly of us is right. It happend to me, though I didn’t know it at the start. But when I did become aware it wasn’t that easy to just walk away completely. It was a process to let that go. At the end of the day we have to know our worth. We are worth so much more than 2nd place.

on September 25, 2016

Been there done that before I knew my worth. I hide it under I wasn’t looking for anything more but in reality I was just willing to settle.. when I turned 35 I realized what I brought to the table and pushed on

on September 25, 2016

I appreciate your openness and honesty here. As a wife, I hate how side chicks are glorified in the media.

LiveLifeWell,
Allison

on September 26, 2016

Thank you for being honest and open. I certainly believe that most women don’t go in with the aim of being a side chick. Best wishes going forward.

on September 26, 2016

What an honest and if I must say gangsta kinda post. It is sad how some women end up being the side chick and don’t even realize or know. Then there feelings are all involved and men love to sell a dream.

on September 26, 2016

I think some people are the side chick and don’t even know it! I do believe that if you know better you do better, Once you know that you are the side chick, I would exit to the left. It would be more hurtful in end to know that I cant have a person %100 percent of the time. KARMA is real. I would hate to be in a relationship and letter find out the person I’m in love is cheating with a side chick.

on September 26, 2016

I think we’ve all been there. Knowingly, and sometimes not. Regardless of the choice after you’re aware…a lesson soon follows.



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