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So What You Saying?
As I listen to the lyrics of “Silly” by Deniece Williams I realized just how “silly” I have been in thinking that by being the side chick and being there for a man who was either married or in a relationship, would somehow, someway, earn me the title of “Main Chick” or “Wifey” one day.
I never intentionally set out to be a Side Chick but as fate would have it or maybe it was me just being naive and turning a blind eye to what was right in my face, I became a Side Chick more than once. At first, I tried to rationalize with myself that I was the one that had it good. I didn’t have to deal with the day-to-day bullshit that comes along with being his wife/woman. I didn’t have to wash his dirty drawls, take care of his kids, clean his house and all the other things that came along with being his “Main Chick.” All I had to do was be there when he wanted to see me, look pretty, make him cum and receive all of the things that I asked for and much of what I didn’t. I was there to listen to him complain about what she did or did not do, the kids and all the other things that he couldn’t tell her about. I made sure that he was comfortable, had his favorite things and food and never said no or complained about being too tired for sex.
I thought that if I showed him what a good woman I was, he would realize that I was the one that should have been his Main Chick, all alone and that he would leave her for me. Silly of me…
I spent the holidays alone and smiled through them like I was happy about it while my brothers, sisters and cousins all had their mates with them. I had to withstand all of the questions about “How come I didn’t have a man?” How could I tell them that I kinda sorta did but he was with his family and/or woman celebrating the holidays. And all the while they asked me questions about being single, the woman would gush on and on about the new jewelry, handbag or designer outfit that I was wearing, to which I would respond that I either bought it for myself or received it from a “special” friend.
We would usually celebrate the holidays before or after, the actual holiday but they always made sure that I received my gift(s) before that day. He was usually very apologetic about not being able to be there for me or sometime he would be able to sneak away and come see me that evening. Never the less, I found myself hoping that every holiday, he would wake up with me, spend the day and attend the family function with me, proving that I, too, had a man. Silly of me…
I’m not sure where I got the idea that I could eventually be “the one.” Oh wait…they all sold me that dream. The dream that they wanted to be with me and they would leave her for me. A few times, they did leave..at least temporarily and to me is where they came. Things would be good for days…weeks..and even months but eventually, they went back or I realized that I really didn’t want that “everyday” type of commitment.
Yes, there are times when I said, “Enough is enough” and decided to start dating a man who was available but as soon as he found out, there would be problems. Jealousy kicked in and they would always have a problem. I guess in the case of these men the saying is true, they wanted to have their cake and eat it to. Even though they were in situations, they wanted me to sit around and wait for them.
It’s funny how now a days, reality shows are portraying women in side chick situations and on more than one occasion, the situations that they have shown, I have been in. On one hand, it’s a trip, seeing your life played out on television and you aren’t the actress in the scene. On the other hand, when I see my life played out, I feel like a fool. However, it may be cliché to say but side chicks are winning nowadays, i.e. Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union, even Angelina Joile. I know many of you reading this will think that I am nothing but a whore and you are entitled to your opinion, but before you stand on your soap box and try to preach to me and tell me how your man would NEVA deal with someone like me, the last wife that recently contacted me, thought the same thing…Silly of her
Photo Credits: community.allhiphop.com, mommynoire.com