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Are Black Men Looking for Mrs. Right or Ms. Perfect?

Dating & Relationships / He Said / January 11, 2014

There is probably no where you can look where you will not hear about the large number of single Black woman as opposed to eligible Black men.  Once you do the math it certainly proves true that there is a discrepancy.  The numbers may not lie, but they also do not tell the whole story.

Since the numbers are so one-sided, many may believe that is the reason that more Black men are not settling down.  I do believe that has something to do with it.  Like one brother said, “Why settle down with one good woman when you can have two or three?”

I also think there is another side that does not get as much publicity.  I believe that many Black men are looking for that perfect soul mate sister.  Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to find your soul mate, but looking for perfection is not realistic.  I think there are Black men that want to settle down, but do not want to feel like they have missed out.

black men fear

There was a time when problems in a relationship would get worked through.  Too many Black men are willing to leave at the first sign of problems.  Many figure why stay and wait when I can find another one just as good?   Now this may sound logical, but the grass is not always greener.

Some Black men go from relationship to relationship seeking Ms. Perfect.  It is not that they do not want to be committed to one person, but they always believe there is someone better out there.  These men then get the label of “commitment phobic”.  It is not that they are afraid of commitment, but they are afraid of not finding that perfect mate.

black love1

I do believe that expectations have been raised to unrealistic levels in many relationships.  Some women will put up with anything just to keep a man in their life.  What they do not realize is that there will always be something that goes wrong.  That is called life.

So what does this mean for the Single Mommy?  It means that you should not live in fear.  Make sure to ask a guy the length of his last 3 relationships.  Some will lie.  Nothing you can do about it.  Others will tell the truth.  If they have a history of short relationships then this should be a huge red flag.  It may not be that they are afraid to commit, but it may be that they are looking for the perfect woman.

If this is the case then you have to decide if you want to try to climb this mountain.  I would bet against you.  I would suggest cutting your losses early and looking for someone who is willing to go through the ups and downs of a relationship.  Do not try to live up to a perfect standard because you are the one that will be hurt when he finds someone newer that he thinks is more perfect than you.

Photo Credit: tumblr.com/tagged/commitment+phobia, singlebride.tumblr.com


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Shawn Hill
Shawn Hill is the notated author of the Single Black Woman’s Guide to Dating. This book can be found on Amazon. He is also the radio host of The Black Woman’s Guide to love on Blog Talk Radio theblackwomanguide You can follow him on his Blog a tblackwealthcreation




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3 Comments

on April 24, 2013

Nice Read! I think that black men do not commit because there are so many women that are single and somewhat desperate. Before I got married I was actually sick of meeting different women who were not what I was looking for. Now for a quick hit and run, they were perfect, but marriage material a big no no. Another reason why I believe some brothers do not settle down and marry, is because the women now a days like to play the field a little. None of my relationships lasted long, and it was not due to me, it was because of the women. They did not want to settle, this is why I married a women a few years older than me, I needed someone who were tired of the games. Remember, A lot of women say that they want good men, but when they get these good men, they sometimes let them go because he was not hood enough, or so-called to weak! And it turns out that the brother was just a gentleman and not a thug. http://www.blackconvo.info

    on April 25, 2013

    Kingbraswell,

    Great reply. I think you are right that there are so many women that will accept anything that many Black men know they only have to provide the minimum and they will be able to find a good woman or two. Until women raise their standards and stop settling for mess, they will continue to get the mess they are getting. I am glad you found someone and wish you many years of happiness.

      on January 13, 2014

      Shawn…just an observation. I read another post and you commented about black women needing to raise their standards. Which I do believe is true.

      Women need to pick better and not settle for mess. But, men typically are the ones that cheat, lie, and perpetrate to get “some”.

      Where is the challenge to men to up their game and be well…BETTER men? Men are 50% of the problem. You can’t have one without the other.



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