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So What You Saying?
There is probably no where you can look where you will not hear about the large number of single Black woman as opposed to eligible Black men. Once you do the math it certainly proves true that there is a discrepancy. The numbers may not lie, but they also do not tell the whole story.
Since the numbers are so one-sided, many may believe that is the reason that more Black men are not settling down. I do believe that has something to do with it. Like one brother said, “Why settle down with one good woman when you can have two or three?”
I also think there is another side that does not get as much publicity. I believe that many Black men are looking for that perfect soul mate sister. Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to find your soul mate, but looking for perfection is not realistic. I think there are Black men that want to settle down, but do not want to feel like they have missed out.
There was a time when problems in a relationship would get worked through. Too many Black men are willing to leave at the first sign of problems. Many figure why stay and wait when I can find another one just as good? Now this may sound logical, but the grass is not always greener.
Some Black men go from relationship to relationship seeking Ms. Perfect. It is not that they do not want to be committed to one person, but they always believe there is someone better out there. These men then get the label of “commitment phobic”. It is not that they are afraid of commitment, but they are afraid of not finding that perfect mate.
I do believe that expectations have been raised to unrealistic levels in many relationships. Some women will put up with anything just to keep a man in their life. What they do not realize is that there will always be something that goes wrong. That is called life.
So what does this mean for the Single Mommy? It means that you should not live in fear. Make sure to ask a guy the length of his last 3 relationships. Some will lie. Nothing you can do about it. Others will tell the truth. If they have a history of short relationships then this should be a huge red flag. It may not be that they are afraid to commit, but it may be that they are looking for the perfect woman.
If this is the case then you have to decide if you want to try to climb this mountain. I would bet against you. I would suggest cutting your losses early and looking for someone who is willing to go through the ups and downs of a relationship. Do not try to live up to a perfect standard because you are the one that will be hurt when he finds someone newer that he thinks is more perfect than you.
Photo Credit: tumblr.com/tagged/commitment+phobia, singlebride.tumblr.com