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Stop Celebrating Single Motherhood

Dating & Relationships / He Said / Single Mommy Stuff / December 4, 2013

Approximately seventy-two percent of black babies are born to unmarried mothers today. Seventy-freakin’-two. Are you kidding me? If you’re a single, black mom, then you’re getting ready to be upset with me. If you’re a single, black “baby daddy”, then you’re going to be offended.

Stop celebrating single motherhood

Good. That’s exactly what I want. I hope I step on so many toes with this post that I leave a room full of dislodged toenails after I’m done. I struggled with my approach to this post because at first, I didn’t want to upset anyone. Afterwards, I thought to myself, “this is one of the many reasons black people are stuck in the rut we’ve been in for decades now. Why be nice?”

Your child deserves two parents and if you disagree, then you’re an idiot. That doesn’t mean that a single parent can’t manage on their own, I’m not saying that.  What I am saying is that a single parent’s love can never possibly match the love of a good two-parent household.

Jesse Washington, an AP National Writer wrote:

 “Children of unmarried mothers of any race are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out-of-wedlock” 

It doesn’t take much research to figure that one out. If the mother is having to work, clean, pay bills, etc., then who in the world has time to fool with kids, right?

Parenting is meant to be a team effort. That sentence would look good on a t-shirt right about now. It takes a phenomenal person to raise a child successfully solo. Contrary to what most of you believe, most of you aren’t that phenomenal.

And to the sperm donors, let me give you my two cents. Some black males have no clue of what “being a man” truly is. It pains me to say that. You’re so focused on putting rims on your car, buying jewelry and wearing name-brand garbage that you can’t see what it’s all about and it sickens me.

Stop celebrating single motherhood

You continue to go through life thinking a woman’s job is to take care of you because you, too, probably came from a single-mom household.

We gotta break the cycle. Why not be the person to do so? Why not start educating today? Stop celebrating single motherhood as if it’s some badge of honor.  It’s one thing to be a single mom because of a divorce or a death, but it’s another to intentionally not take steps to give your child what he/she deserves.

The black community’s 72 percent rate dwarfs that of whites mothers at 29 percent, the most recent year for which government figures are available. The rate for the overall U.S. population was 41 percent.

Dag, if you can’t have sex responsibly then close your legs until you say “I do”, black people! I’ve heard the reasons that lead to single-parent households and the main culprit is “irresponsibility”. Sure condoms break or other birth control methods fail, but we all know that people have unprotected sex like it’s Woodstock 2013. I’m not saying it’s all the fault of the female, but given the fact you’re normally the one left to raise the kid, birth control should mean more to you than him.

Photo Credits: billemory.com, the-pa-in-connection.blogspot.com, nomblog.com


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Q
Q is a barely 40-something sports fan who is full of opinions and observations when it comes to relationships. He was thrown back into the dating pool after breast cancer claimed the life of his wife of 10 years. He shares some of his life's stories and observations on his blog at www.ThankQ.me and his talk radio show at www.T2QRadio.com. You can follow him on Twitter: @Talk2Q or Friend him on Facebook: Thank Que.




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21 Comments

on December 4, 2013

I agree and have wanted to pen a post like this for a long time. Purposefully putting oneself in the role of single motherhood is shameful and isn’t anything to celebrate. Celebrating it and claiming that mother/father role is just ridiculous. What about marriage, family, then children? What happened to that?

Being divorced or widowed are quite different.

    on December 4, 2013

    Thanks for chiming in! I’m not sure what happened to marriage, family, then children. I’ll even do you one better: what happened to growing up first? Enjoying your childhood and early adulthood before having a kid is a thing of the past.

on December 4, 2013

I agree. I was raised by a divorced mother (which is different than a single mom by choice) and she always told me that it’s best for children to have two parents in the home. My husband was also raised by a divorced mother. My husband and I were married for over 7 years before we had our son and we work on our marriage and family every day because we both value raising our children in a two-parent household. While some women are able to cope with being single parents, it’s most definitely not preferable. Some adults fail to recognize the strain and stress put on children who are shuttled back and forth between families (if they’re even lucky enough to have visitation) just because their parents can’t get along/aren’t committed to each other. Raising a child is about more than food, clothing and shelter. There is a sense of insecurity that comes with not knowing one of your parents or with having to manage the tension between parents. We can do better, people.

    on December 4, 2013

    Exactly. No one thinks of the child. Some people think that they’re all that their child ever needs and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sometimes marriages fail and a person has to be single. Even if that’s the case, then the decisions made afterwards should be about the child first and how they can have both parents if at all possible. I’m glad that you and your family are doing well!

on December 4, 2013

I was a single parent for most of my son’s life. Although his father and I didn’t work out, we agreed to parent our son together. Our spouses respect our relationship and also help with raising him too. He’ll be 18 in January and I’m positive that if I had tried to do it all myself, I would have robbed both my son and his father of an opportunity for a great relationship.

    on December 4, 2013

    That sounds like a wonderful story! I’m glad you were able to work it out and make sure your son had both parents in his life.

on December 4, 2013

I have NEVER understood women who will have sex with no protection. There is no orgasm in the world good enough to make me want to have sex with someone with no condom, then have to raise a baby by myself. We are totally in control of our sex lives, there is NO excuse for this behavior in 2013. Great post.

    on December 4, 2013

    Thanks, I appreciate it. You’re right. Minutes of pleasure isn’t worth 9 months of pregnancy and years of unplanned parenting.

on December 4, 2013

Great article. I’ve been saying this forever,

    on December 4, 2013

    Thanks! Nice to see so many people agree!

on December 4, 2013

So let me get this straight, this site is called what again? why glorify single motherhood in the first place?

on December 4, 2013

I teetered for a moment until I got to the middle of the article. You are absolutely correct in your assertion. We, as a people, need to stop this madness. A mother cannot be what she needs to be for her children when she has to work all day, come home, cook, clean, deal with bills, etc… Not to mention that through all of that, she probably will not have enough to make ends meet which adds more stress and can lead to abuse. I am a single mother through divorce. I can honestly say this is not a life I would choose for my children. However, I do what needs to be done while cautioning and forewarning those who flirt with a similar destiny.

I will add, though, that staying in a toxic relationship to avoid being single can be just as detrimental if not worse than being a single parent. We also need to learn how to be in effective relationships.

http://www.smoochingfrogs.com

    on December 5, 2013

    First of all, thanks for reading everything through before forming an opinion. You’re right about staying in a bad relationship can be just as detrimental. No one should want to show a child how NOT to be a parent by staying with an abuser, habitual cheater, etc. Maybe I can write a follow-up to that point some day.

on December 5, 2013

I agree with this 100%.

    on December 5, 2013

    Thanks, Daphne!

on December 5, 2013

Interesting post Q. My mother raised me as a single parent after her divorce from my father. She did the best she could and I applaud any mother doing it without losing their mind. In regards to young women having babies on their own, that’s a tough one because there are so many different circumstances in how it happened, so I won’t judge them for that, but everyone has a choice in this life. If you can’t take care of yourself, what makes anyone thing she could take care of a child on her own too? We’re a product of our environment no matter what people say and we have a choice. I would rather celebrate those mothers that worked their a– off to raise their kids to make better choices for themselves so they can have a better future.

    on December 5, 2013

    Thanks for the comment, Sonia. You’re right. I’m not referring to divorced moms or widows. At least they tried to do it the right way. I’m mainly referring to people who have sex without thinking of the consequences of their actions. The people who intentionally prevent their child’s other parent from seeing them because of animosity towards that person. People who think that 16 yr olds should have baby showers. Those are the ones contributing to the problem, in my opinion.

on December 11, 2013

I am a single parent and I do find it hard at times to juggle things. I was married to my son’s father so becoming a single parent was not my choice. The bad thing about my situation is that I was married to this man but I can count on one hand how many times he comes to get my son or calls him. He pays child support, but you don’t hear from him. When I do reflect on my situation, I wish I would have made a better choice spouse wise. My son is a blessing to my life and I pray that he becomes a great gentleman of society.

    on December 11, 2013

    That is an unfortunate situation. I hope that your son grows up to be a gentleman and I am sure that he will. It is my prayer for my son, as well.

    on December 11, 2013

    Thanks for chiming in, Rae. You tried and things didn’t work out. Unfortunately, life is like that at times. I’m sorry he’s not stepping up to the plate when it comes to his kid. That drives me crazy. I don’t have kids, but I do have two god kids (ages 10 and 7). I try to see them every other weekend when I can and they’re not even my biological kids. How a man can ignore his child is beyond me. I pray he comes around for your kid’s sake.

on May 21, 2017

“Children of unmarried mothers of any race are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out-of-wedlock” =All of this is the result of poverty, not single parenting.

Single parenthood=single income. It is the single income that creates the outcomes indicated above, not single parenthood. A well off single mother’s child will do much better than a child from a poor two parent family home. You need to understand the context of the statistics that you are using to prove your point. Socioeconomic factors plays the biggest role on the outcome of a child.



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