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Your Mom’s In Our Business – Dealing With Parents Who Interfere In Your Relationship

Dating & Relationships / From the Editor / December 5, 2013

Your mom’s in our business, she’s in our business
Can’t you see, girl, that your mom’s trying to end this?
Your mom’s in our business
Now tell your moms to mind her business before I let go

If you are a product of the 90’s then I am sure you recognize K Solo’s, “Your Mom’s In Our Business” and the chorus of this song explains the situation that is occurring on The Housewives of Atlanta, between Kandi, her fiance, Todd and her mother, Mama Joyce.

Mama Joyce doesn’t like any of the men that Kandi chooses.  Now, many of us would have probably agreed with Mama Joyce about Kandi’s ex, AJ (RIP), because he had a lot of children…etc, etc. but,= Mama Joyce has no love for Kandi’s current love, Todd.  The problem is, how do you deal with your parents interfering in your relationship and avoid losing someone who you love because they can’t deal with your parents?

Your Mom's In Our Business - Dealing With Parents Who Interfer In Your Relationship

I guess we can get into the debate of a mother’s love for her child and wanting to protect them.  This is what my mother, Stacey, had to say on the topic on her Facebook page:

I absolutely agree with her mom..If Todd won’t sign a prenup..there’s something wrong with this picture..I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot,,he would have her sign one..I think Kandi’s Mom loves her and mother instincts are kicking in..nothing better than letting Todd know… that Kandi maybe “fooled” but she’s not.. For those that have grown daughters…Know where I am coming from…. I saw nothing more than love and being protective…That’s a mom… (may not have been delivered well… But well said!

A male friend said this in response:

 Her [Mama Joyce] conduct was disrespectful, and explains why Kandi has been alone and will probably stay that way. I know I wouldn’t want to deal with any ignorant mess like that. Her Mom seems more concerned about somebody cutting into what she thinks belongs to her. I understand that her heart might be in the right place, but her tongue and actions deceive her. In addition to my earlier comment let me add that “Momma Joyce” is also wrong for involving Kandi’s daughter, a child, in her chicanery. If you’re supposed to be the adult and/or “cool, objective” head in the discussion, then you should act accordingly. Marriage and relationships are about give and take, but, more importantly, they are about the COUPLE involved ONLY. There is no room in the relationship for a belligerent and meddling Mom (whether she is “old school”, “new school” or “old fool”). It’s hard enough to deal with each other let alone a third-party. When a husband cleaves upon his wife then they, the couple, become blood and must leave the parents behind. That doesn’t mean that they can’t talk to your parents for occasional advice, but ultimately the couple must make their own decisions. The parents have to accept that and allow the couple to work things out in a manner that works best for them. This is how I handle things with my son.

Here’s my take on it…when you have raised your child and your child is an adult, you have completed your job.  You can not go back and re-raise them.  You have to trust that everything that you have taught and instilled in your child, they will remember.  Even though you may not always agree with their choices, including the people that they choose to love, you have to step back and allow them to LIVE and sometimes they will make mistakes and other times they may get their heart broke.

In Kandi and Mama Joyce’s case, I think that Mama Joyce relies too much on Kandi. I think that Mama Joyce believes that she knows what is best for Kandi but I think that Mama Joyce is more worried about Kandi getting married and leaving her behind.  Really what Mama Joyce needs is a man and some business!!

Your Mom's In Our Business - Dealing With Parents Who Interfer In Your Relationship

It’s a very touchy situation when your parents are interfering in your relationship.  You want to respect your parents but you also want them to like and respect the person that you chose to be with.  No one wants to be in the middle of the person that they love and the person that raised them, nor do they want to feel as if they have to choose between the two. I believe that if you are ever in this type of situation, you need to nip it in the bud, fairly quickly.  You can not ignore the situation and hope that it goes away, especially if your parent is as vocal as Mama Joyce.  You really need to sit down and tell your parent(s) that they need to allow you to be an adult and that you appreciate their concern but you are old enough to make your own decisions.  Hopefully, your parents will respect you and your decision, especially after you have a talk with them, if not, then you may have to put some distance in between the two of them, which will probably, make holidays very interesting.

Have you ever had to deal with an interfering parent?  How did you deal with it?

How would you handle a very vocal parent who hates your mate?

Would you choose between your mate and your parents, if your parents hated your mate?

What advice would you give to Kandi?

Would you walk away from a relationship if your mate’s parent(s) didn’t like you?

the sexy single mommy

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on December 5, 2013

I can’t say that I’ve ever had a parent dislike me, but I’ve definitely dealt with my mom disliking a couple guys I brought home. Ultimately, I made my choice and my mother respected it despite her feelings.

Now… on the flip side, my son will be 18 soon. I feel highly protective of him, but that’s because he’s my son and I want the best for him. I do, however, remember being the one making the choice and I will go along similar lines to my mom and say something if he asks, but let him make the choice. I came out fine and I figure he will too. And if he’s anything like me, he’ll date who wants anyway.

on December 5, 2013

I personally would never marry someone my parents hated. I’m super close to them and they are so smart and wise so if they HATE someone there is a reason for it. Plus that would be so bizarre because my parents don’t hate anyone so I know it would be for a good reason.

I would NEVER choose a man over my parents. It just would never happen.

And yes, I would walk away if his parents didn’t like me. I am big into family and couldn’t imagine being married to a man where I couldn’t be close to his mom. No thanks.

on December 12, 2013

I agree with your take on the situation.

I did have to deal with my mom not having keen feelings for my ex-husband but I didn’t allow her thoughts to interfere in MY relationship. She was not the one who had to be with him. I also let her know that she would respect him just as he did her. I never had a real issue with her accepting my stance because she knows I can be extremely stubborn and she loves me dearly and didn’t want to have me not speaking to her. 🙂

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