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Settling For So-So

Dating & Relationships / November 21, 2013

Ladies tell me if this story sounds familiar…

You’re tired of dealing with the same riff raff and lame excuses for men you meet in bars and other social settings so you start looking at your guy friends hoping to find “Mr. Right.” You start spending more time with, let’s call him Joe, a funny guy you’ve been friends with for a few years. Been dating Joe for a few months and everything’s going well until you start seeing signs. You say you want to go out more but all Joe wants to do is sit around and play on his Xbox or watch TV.

 

It’s okay you’ll save money by not going out all the time, and you both love watching that one show together so it’s no big deal. When you talk on the phone Joe goes on and on about how he hates his job blah blah blah and he only wants to talk about himself. But when he goes out and gets drunk he’s all “I love you” “I miss you.” And you think it’s sweet that you’re the first thing he thinks about when he drunk dials. You’re at his place, as always, he’s telling the same story you’ve already heard him talk about ten times around his friends. You start talking about something from your past and he shuts you down. Says he doesn’t care what happened in your past because the past is the past and he doesn’t want to know about it. You tell him it’s important that he understands what’s happened in your life. But Joe says he doesn’t want to know about the bad things that happened, they’re in the past.

Why Men Don't Call Back

I was with a guy just like Joe for almost 3 years. Everything I mentioned up there was exactly how he was. Oh I forgot something, he was rude and ignorant to his mom. Why was I with him for so long? Because I was a lonely fool settling for someone who sometimes made me happy. Not all the time, but sometimes. Every once in a while he would do something sweet and that made me brush off all the bad stuff. His mom loved me, I would go out of my way to get her great birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas presents. I would hang out with her in the kitchen while he sat on his ass watching her TV. We were tight because she knew how much I missed my mom. I never once saw him do anything nice for her, but he loved eating her food.

I stayed with him because I didn’t want to deal with the dating scene anymore. I thought he was good enough for the time being.

That right there is the problem. You can’t settle for “good enough” or someone who’s nice to you sometimes instead of all the time. Stevie Wonder could’ve seen the signs I had in front of me. He’s one of those guys that’s never going to be the man you need. Hell he’s nothing more than a man-child. Fear of the unknown and not wanting to work on finding a good man made me settle and stay with him much longer than I should have.

Settling For So-So

You can’t be happy with someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you!

If the only time he wants to hang out with you is when you go drinking, there’s a sign that he really doesn’t care about what you want. I don’t care what they say about the truth coming out when you’re drunk, that is some bull. Because if you can’t say I love you when you’re sober, don’t say it when you’re drunk and think you can get in my panties. If he doesn’t care about learning about your past and really getting to know you, then he doesn’t care. You’re just a showpiece, somebody to occupy his time until he finds someone willing to do what you won’t and be treated much worse. Worst one in my opinion is,  if he treats his mom like trash you better never get pregnant by him because he’s going to teach your child to treat you like trash. Thankfully my birth control held up and that didn’t happen.

Bottom line:

You have got to demand more of yourself and whoever you’re with. If they show signs that your needs aren’t important or your values aren’t important, RUN FORREST RUN!

They can’t be bothered to get to know you then those legs stay closed. Can’t force anyone to change and you can’t force anyone to give a damn about you. Don’t settle for half a relationship with someone who’s so-so. Find yourself someone who loves to see you smile and will always be there to wipe your tears when you cry.


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Bionic Dee
Bionic Dee is a 30-something college student who's finally getting her life back on track. She made a promise to her mother before she died that she would be the first of her three children to get a college degree. Currently, she is a year away from getting her Bachelor's Degree and plans to continue on for her Masters Degree. When she is not stressing over keeping her 3.96 GPA intact, she is either posting something on my blog or relaxing in front of the TV. She is a sports fanatic (football, baseball, hockey and rugby) who laughs at random things and loves inappropriate jokes. She's funny, honest and 100% genuine. You can find Bionic Dee at http://bionicdee.wordpress.com/




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9 Comments

on September 20, 2012

GREAT ARTICLE.
I almost made the mistake of settling for MR. COMFORTABLE he was just like your JOE. I now have a great guy. DO NOT SETTLE LADIES. 🙂

    on September 20, 2012

    Dating is all about learning from your mistakes. And we know what they say about being doomed to repeat them if you dismiss the lesson. Settling equals miserable. I’m glad to know you find yourself a good one. It took me a while but I’m in a good place with a great guy.

on September 20, 2012

Setting standards and sticking to them is key!

    on September 20, 2012

    Exactly!!

    on September 20, 2012

    Definitely! Once you drop your standards you’re allowing anyone to treat you any kind of way. We all make mistakes, but those mistakes are supposed to teach us what to do right next time.

on September 21, 2012

Sometimes the only good thing out of a bad relationship, outside of learning who not to be with, is a beautiful child. I have a few friends in that situation. But like you said at the end of the day no matter what happens at the end of that relationship you have to learn not to settle for less than a wonderful person. There’s so many random things that screw life up to begin with so why add to it you know.

on September 21, 2012

Fabulous post Dee! I got stuck in a couple of those ruts and thankful, I got out! I was 36 when I finally got married. I didn’t settle, I married my best friend. Now the fun part is, trying to keep it together. 🙂

    on September 22, 2012

    Soon as I graduate I’ll get to deal with the anxiety of planning my wedding. It’s kinda funny how you look back on those bad relationships and wonder what the hell was I thinking. I was talking to a friend of mine who knows that ex and she asked me how often I was sober around him, and that wasn’t much. You look back on how they were and how you were and you realize how toxic the whole thing was. Better late than never LOL.

on September 23, 2012

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