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Why Do Men Think That They Should Not Pay For A Date?

Dating & Relationships / He Said / November 13, 2013

Why do men think that they should not pay for a date?  This is a question that today’s young men and some older men pose.  Now let me be fair and state that not all men even have this question in their mind, but for some reason today’s “so-called men” has made this an issue.

For those of us that were raised and taught how to be men, by our fathers, mothers, or someone we viewed as a role model, the idea of showing chivalry is an honor.  Dare to be different… a woman knows her wealth and when you open the door, bring flowers just because, pull her chair out, or just take the time to plan a day or evening, it shows her that you value her.  As for the actual date,  no matter the location, it is your time to display all your qualities and the reasons why she should date you.  To not pay or to ask to go “dutch” (that’s old school which means she pay her way and you pay your way) is “relationship suicide.”

Why Do Men Think That They Should Not Pay For A Date?

Think of all the priceless things a woman does…not just the physical things because I’ll address that in a minute.  But those invaluable things; the support of her dreams and goals, being a mother to our children married or unmarried; or how about the ones that are waiting to be married to her boyfriend and it’s been 3 or more years.  When I hear men say “why do I have to pay for the date?” I say why not?  Most men do not support as strong or stay as long, while other men are selfish in their ways and believe that the relationship is all about them.

Why should you have to pay, you may ask?  You should have to pay because you are the MAN.  By paying you are showing her that you have her back and that you are capable of providing for her.  Why should you have to pay?  Because that’s what a “REAL MAN” does.  Why should you have to pay?  Because when you don’t pay some more deserving man notices it and you makes it easy to lose your woman?  Oh yes, fellas,  you can lose her and don’t say “she was never mine  if I lose her” she was yours but you didn’t want to pay for the date, you didn’t want to show her you could take care of her.

Oh and as for the physical, meaning the sex.  A woman is the best poker player in the world because they believe in us and are willing to ensure we are satisfied all around, but the “weak man” will not factor that in when he let’s his mouth speak and ask “why should I have to pay for the date?”

We pay because she is one of the best gifts God has given to men.  She is our balance, she is the calm during our storms, she is our nurture to our children and ourselves.  Why pay?  Because she is priceless, magnificently made, and designed for you.


Do you think men should pay for dates?

Why do you think men believe that men should not pay when he takes a man out?

Is it a deal breaker when a man doesn’t pay for a date, ladies?

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Brotres Brotres
Brotres is a 20+ U.S Army Infantry Soldier with over 6 deployments into Iraq and Afganistan. I have been married for 10 yrs, and have 3 wonderful kids, I have an AA in Business Management and working on my BA in the same field with a concentration on Contract Law. Currently stationed at FT Benning, GA.

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on November 13, 2013

WTF did I just read? LMAO!!!

I will only comment seriously at the site owners request.

I cannot believe this got greenlit.

Good Day

on November 13, 2013

While I do believe men should pay for most dates but I don’t believe it’s a requirement for him to pay for all dates and I most women would agree especially if they’re in a serious relationship.

This post implies that that is the way for a man to keep a woman, by paying for dates. Paying for a date doesn’t show you’re a good provider or a good man, it just shows you have money to spend. I find it insulting and being that the author is a 20 something who’s been married 10 years, I don’t believe he’s even dated enough women to have input on this topic.

on November 13, 2013

Excuse the typos, I had about 3-4 different thoughts going in that first sentence and ended up making changes but didn’t follow through in the rest of the sentence.

on November 13, 2013

I believe there is a misunderstanding in the question. This thought came based on a conversation I was have with some of my buddies, with some of them being younger than I between the ages of 28-35. Their idea is that it should be 50-50 when going on a date. I being of an old school upbringing, believe that it is the man that “courts” the woman. Chivalry is not dead, contrary to popular society opinion. If you look at those marriages that have lasted 25 years or longer, the man always payed for everything and that worked then and should work now. I just believe that those things while our parents and grandparents dated each other worked.

Also Marc A. to address the age factor, Sir the bio reads that I have 20+ years in the Army not 20 years old. So I do believe my WORLD experience both in combat and humanitarian missions afford me the insight to make the statement. This is topic was just a thought, I stand firmly that all men should pay for the dates, doesn’t mean you have money because a fool and his money are soon departed. I just believe that’s what couples before my time did and it is what I did for mine.

on November 13, 2013

1) Chivalry ain’t dead, but it’s broken by a deliberate misunderstanding of it. Chivalry was never about “paying for everything for women”. It was a medieval code of honor based on protecting the weak and defenseless (as far as women being that, things have changed since then although not 100 percent equal).

2)I think this all just comes down to how we are socialized to think about relationships when we are young. Just like there are men who think that buying things for women entitles them to conversation, sex, etc., there are women that think unless a man buys her something, he is not worth her time. So both sexes are getting these really screwed up messages about what you need to make a good relationship. Might people staying together for years have something to do more with other things like shared values, ability to compromise, communicate effectively, check expectations, and letting go of the need to be right? How about a little… like .001 percent?

3) Nothing wrong with paying on the first date because behaviour is communication; in this culture it’s a signal that you are not “just a friend”. It’s just that you can’t date everybody. For me, if I meet a woman and there is good conversation and a connection, I ask if I would pay $100 for her company again. Having said that, people screw, marry, date, and have brunch without following some 1800s post-slavery dating manual (that doesn’t exist)…and the world doesn’t blow up.
4)If a man wants to finance a strangers entertainment that is his prerogative. It is his money, he worked for it, therefore he has the right to spend it as he chooses. However, the chest beating centered around “this is what a real man/gentleman does” needs to stop. Paying for dates is not “handling your business” because she is not your business to handle.
Your personal sense of duty to finance her outings doesn’t make you any more of a man no more than a woman ‘putting out’ (or not) on the first date makes her any more a lady. You don’t earn stripes for routinely pulling out what’s in your wallet on women you barely know. There is nothing noble or even chivalrous about such an act. Its merely to satisfy your own ego at your own literal expense. If that’s your M.O., that’s cool. Do you. But the subtle (and overt) shaming of men who do not subscribe to such archaic dating attitudes & practices is getting stale. Evolve.

Rant over.

on November 13, 2013

Wow. A lot going on in the comments. I think the younger generation ask if paying for dates is okay or not because society has changed so much in a couple of decades. The Feminist Movement was just coming into its on in the 70’s when I was a child. So, I was still taught to “take charge” when it came to women which meant pay on dates until a relationship was established and things could be shared. However, now, some of these men born in the ’90s view women as their peers. The mindset is now, “she makes just as money as I do” so if he does pay then he has “expectations” afterwards.

On the flipside, some women have unrealistic “expectations” of a date. If you have Applebee’s taste in your everyday life, then don’t try to break a guy and get steak and lobster just because he’s paying. Those are the types of things that make guys even more reluctant to foot the bill.

So, I think both sides need to work on some things, but to answer the question: I do believe that the guy pays for the dates until an exclusive relationship is established. At that point, it should be in both people’s best interest to share responsibilities to help the relationship grow. If a guy doesn’t want to pay on the first date, then there are some women who are okay with that. No one is forced to be traditional. However, you can’t turn around later and expect the traditional role of “decision maker” if that be the case. At least that’s my personal opinion on the matter.

on November 14, 2013

Here we have the winner of this months “SIMP of the month award”. Brotres really deserved it.

on November 14, 2013

And now name calling, yes let’s show how intelligent we are. While I believe it is great to agree to disagree, the jousting of name calling I will let the gentleman above have that honor. God bless you all, see you on the next blog.

on November 14, 2013

So what the article is really saying is the guy pays for the date because he may get sex. So why not just pay for a hooker?

on November 15, 2013

Congratulations on reinforcing the stereotype that men need to pursue, protect, and provide. You’re doing a great job of making women look like entitled children.

Personally, my girl and I would rather see each other as equals and as adults and split bills unless it’s a special occasion.

    on November 15, 2013

    You DO realize there is an equal responsibility for the woman to nurture and maintain, correct? That while the man is fulfilling his part to “pursue, protect, and provide” we’re not sitting on a couch eating bon-bons…correct? That nowhere in “pursue, protect, and provide” do I see someone has to wipe my @ss for me…right?
    Women in that siruation are neither spoiled nor helpless. Our strengths just happen to be in other areas.
    Happy that you and your girl have figured out what works for you.

on November 15, 2013

Russ the article is not saying that at all. Although some think if they pay that sex should be on the bill as well. That is far from what the article is stating.

As far as “stereotyping” I don’t see it as that. Simply saying in courting a lady I believe the man should cover the bill. I don’t see that as a far fetched idea. Now if the lady chooses to pay then let her, but initially I believe the man should.

I bet if you poll this question to women, a great deal or I’ll say half will agree.

    on November 15, 2013

    I was raised to respect women. I was taught to hold doors open, and I was taught that men pay. However after a particularly nasty divorce, I have learned that many women only look at men as a walking pay check. They do not look at us as equals, and our courts don’t either, which is why few men get to be nothing more than a visitor to their children after a divorce. So until women start respecting men, if they expect the guy to pay for dinner, and give a little flirtation to lead the guy on, then all they are doing is prostituting themselves. Men would be better off just paying a hooker, because they know what they are getting.

on November 15, 2013

Do I think men should “pay” for dates? Not exactly. I do believe men should be the driver in the relationship, and if they asked me out, they should at least have some sort of plan. I’m not requiring the Palm here, so just figure out a decent place for us to sit and get to know each other and I’m fine.
I DO, however, really get annoyed by men throwing “feminism” in the argument as to why they don’t wanna pay. You don’t want to pay because…you don’t want to pay. That’s it. Own your choice. Feminism works both ways, you aren’t going to use it as an excuse to 1) Never be the persuant in anything and 2) Use my newfound autonomy to get some committment-free s3x while 3) Expecting me to be “Suzie Homemaker” when it’s convenient for you. I can’t tell you the number of men who have attempted to go Dutch with me on date one only to ask for a home-cooked meal for date two. Nope, not here. As long as “throw down in the kitchen and can keep a home” stays on your list of “wifey material” traits, “willingness to provide” will stay on mine.

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