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Insecurities Of Men

Dating & Relationships / November 27, 2013

I noticed recently that men truly don’t know what they want in a woman. I was talking to one of my male friends and we were discussing the fact that men say that they want a strong independent woman but when they get her, they find issues with her. I explained to my friend that women are very easy to understand. We are like flowers. We need care and attention on a regular basis but for the most part we need to be left alone to grow and flourish.

I also went on to explain that a man should not want to be needed but he should want to be wanted. Independent women want a man to share with and for companionship. We don’t need a man. A man to us is like an accessory to a beautiful outfit. Having a pretty necklace or earrings isn’t going to make or break the outfit, it just enhances it. Don’t get me wrong, the most independent woman wants attention from her man. We want to feel appreciated…that’s just human nature. No person wants to or is willing to be taken for granted.

I have met some men who are used to mistreating women and being mistreated by women. I am not an emotionally detached person. If I care for you, you will know it. I feel like if you are dating a man or woman and they don’t show you the affection they should and see nothing wrong with it, they are emotionally crippled. To those people I say, “don’t be mad at me because you have issues.” So the last person you dated dogged you out, stole your money, and ran off with your best friend but that is not my fault. A person doesn’t have to mistreat someone because of what someone else had done to them, thus resulting in the insecurities that they are not battling.

Insecurities of men

Do you think you are not good enough to get a good woman who loves you regardless of your faults? Do you ask yourself, “Why is she with me because I know I am not all that physically attractive?” If the person mistreats you on purpose or is emotionally cold or distant, you might need to chalk that up to the fact that they are just not that into you. We will all encounter those people at some time on our quest to find the right mate. Some are just a narcissist: they are not capable of caring for anyone other than themselves. Hell, I recently talked to someone like that. The best part is he got pissed with me for recognizing and calling him on it. LOL! That is just who that person and people like him are as a whole. They do not know it and they will never see why or how they are wrong. You can attempt a relationship or a friendship with a narcissist but it will always be a one-sided situation. You will be giving everything you have to give and they will take without adding anything to the relationship. That is a whole different type of individual. If you meet someone like that, run fast!

I digress, the issue I have is with men who need to mistreat or disrespect a woman like me because of their insecurities. Yes, I may be a more intelligent than you. I may even be more mature, focused, or driven than you. However, you need to recognize that I chose to be with you for a reason and none of what I just mentioned matters. The insecurities you have are not mine. I will never bring your short comings up or throw them in your face. If I am with you, I am there to love, help and support you. I am there to get you where you want or need to be as a partner should do. Don’t resent or push me away with your foolishness. Just accept that God has placed me in your life for a reason. We are not in competition with each other and you do not have to prove anything to me. Let your insecurities go. If you can’t then you will quickly find out I will go… when I do I know I have done all I can do to help and encourage you. Don’t be bitter when that time comes. Don’t get angry and take it out on me, my children, your family or your friends. Just accept it and move on. Maybe, you will be lucky and I may give you a second chance and that will depend on if you have learned from the past and matured.

I hope someone has found my thought to be interesting or can relate. I am sure there are a few men I pissed off or rubbed the wrong way…oh well, you can’t please everyone and I don’t try.

Be Blessed

What say you:

Do you agree with what Tiki had to say?

Do men have insecurities that play out in relationships?

Have you ever encountered an insecure man?

As a man, have you ever let your insecurities ruin a relationship?

Photo Credits: healthyyouhealthylove.com


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Tiki Grow
Tiki (Grow It Girl) A long haired diva and self professed product junkie. She began blogging to document her hair journey to Waist Length but discover a passion for sharing her knowledge and love of all things hair and beauty.




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12 Comments

on November 27, 2013

@Tiki and all you fake independent Black a Women out there.

Because no other race of women talks that independent mess.

Let’s go.

———–

It is not that MEN/MALES are INSECURE.

MEN want to be RESPECTED by WOMEN.
But, in order to get RESPECT, a man must produce, or show himself to be more accomplished that his woman.

1. He has your FINANCIAL SUPERIOR.
2. He has more EMOTIONALLY MATURE.
3. He has to be a better SEXUAL PARTNER than you.

He knows that very few women are willing to be the DOMINANT figure in a relationship for more than a year.

He knows that very few women are going to TAKE CARE of HIM, and simultaneously show him respect of an accomplished man.

That is why he will mistreat you, cheat on you, sabotage a perfectly good relationship, because he is PREEMPTING you.

He knows at some point, you will find a more accomplish dude to replace him.

———

Now black women are GOOD for seeking out an inferior dude, that they KNOW they can CONTROL (because a REAL MAN, is going to restrict your SEXUAL FREEDOM, and you are going to have to follow his lead),

Then when a CRISIS happens (natural disaster, unplanned pregnancy, she loses her job, etc.) THAT REQUIRES A REAL MAN TO STEP UP, your man cannot help you, and you are left holding the bag.

——

So, in conclusion Tiki, this is not about men being insecure, he is acting APPROPRIATELY to an UNNATURAL situation.

A real man cannot feel secure, when his woman is more accomplished than him.

Yes, there are some relationships out there, that work long-term in this arrangement, but it is RARE, and I promise you, the woman is not happy MOST OF THE TIME.

That is why you wrote this BS, not fit to print.

——-

This is about YOU, not taking RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR POOR CHOICES in Men.

Get OVER yourself. Have several seats. And own your bullsh-t.

    on November 27, 2013

    Can’t really agree with you here on your theories of what makes a “real man”

      on November 27, 2013

      @Larry

      Can’t really agree with you here on your theories of what makes a “real man”

      Explain

        on November 27, 2013

        See, this is that faulty reasoning that many “men” have that only reinforces Tiki’s position. If you feel you have to be more accomplished than your woman to be considered a “real man”, then you my friend are insecure down to your core. What happened to partnership, two becoming one, we instead of me, and any other relationship cliché of your choice….?

        No those don’t apply because your basically saying its “unnatural” for a man to be with a woman that actually brings something to the table.

        But let’s roll with your reasoning for a second and look at the woman who won’t consider dating a man who is not more accomplished…then she’s cast as a gold digger right?

        You sir, should have several seats

          on November 27, 2013

          @MamaSquared

          See, this is that faulty reasoning that many “men” have that only reinforces Tiki’s position. If you feel you have to be more accomplished than your woman to be considered a “real man”, then you my friend are insecure down to your core.

          Stop right there. Men and women are different, have different needs & have different motives.

          Men have to be the DOMINANT FORCE in a relationship to work. Even if it is dysfunctional & abusive.

          Nice, accommodating men who give women significant say, or women who are the dominant force in the house are unhappy & more likely to break-up.

          http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/09/11/study-women-who-make-more-divorce-more/

          EVEN THE BLOG HOST (Ty Knighten), had problems with a couple of dudes who were dusty, but attractive, because she has been down that road before.

          https://thesexysinglemommy.net/2013/11/my-dating-disasters/

          What happened to partnership, two becoming one, we instead of me, and any other relationship cliché of your choice….?

          Partnerships are for two kinds of situations, when you are with a WEAK MAN.

          Or when both parties are emotionally mature (most people in America have the emotional maturity of a teenager.) it can happen, but it is rare.

          No those don’t apply because your basically saying its “unnatural” for a man to be with a woman that actually brings something to the table.

          I LOVE how you straw-manned my position, to make me look like I am a man who is intimidated by successful women. Nawl.

          She can bring whatever to the table, IT IS WELCOMED, the man has to be her financial, emotional, and/or sexual superior.

          But let’s roll with your reasoning for a second and look at the woman who won’t consider dating a man who is not more accomplished…then she’s cast as a gold digger right?

          Yes. Black men are dead wrong for that. And black women buy into the BS. Now, you have no excuse.

          You sir, should have several seats.

          Negro Please.

          on November 28, 2013

          Wait…I didn;t say that those dudes were attractive!!! LOL!!

on November 27, 2013

Quite the Male Hit Job, Miss Tiki.

I hope you won’t go Feminista Jones when a man does one like this……. Oh Wait, almost EVERY Article a Man writes basically is a Hit Job on Women by Default according to You and your Extreme, Nerrow-Minded Feminist Ilk. THIS Garbage you wrote would be considered Sexist, Being in Denial and BS coming from a Man…..

on November 27, 2013

Hmm… interesting post… while i agree with some points… I cant say that I agree with all. I believe that a woman should not only want her man but she needs to need him as well.. A man, needs to know that he isn’t just an accessory but he is valued for his contribution to the relationship. I think that some of us have taken that independent woman thing to another level, hence the reason we are able to be in the relationships we so often desire..

on November 27, 2013

I agree w/Martini. Although Tiki makes some great points, a man isn’t an accessory and neither is a woman. Being equals has nothing to do with success or possessions. Being equal is a mindset. When two are one, then how can one be greater than the other? It’s not possible. As for what Adonis wrote, I’m still laughing at that. He seems to be the perfect example to what Tiki is saying. Mamasquared took care of that though. Good post. It’s started what appears to be a much-needed conversation.

    on November 27, 2013

    @q

    @mamasquared has a weak man or no man at all. It is what it is

on November 28, 2013

Ooh, these comments are juicy.

on November 28, 2013

Insecure men attract insecure women.



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