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Black Women: LET YOUR MAN BE THE MAN (At All Times)

Dating & Relationships / He Said / November 3, 2013

I was watching Real Housewives of Atlanta, you know the episode where Porsha said that she was Glad her husband LET her go on the trip, and the women in the limo were acting like she said something crazy. I actually gained a new respect for that woman Porsha that day. She actually realized that she has a husband that she needs to listen to and consult with.

be a man

There are plenty of Black women with the “I go where I want to go, and do what I want to do attitude.”  When you get married, the IIIII’s are gone for good, that’s over with.  You just can’t pack up with the girls talking about going to the strip club, and this goes both ways. When you get married, How do you explain going out and letting someone put their body parts in your face?

Now I wrote a post a while back on about submitting, and for this one I will not use that word. Instead, I will use the terms Leader and Head. The post gained a number of responses from women, and lets just say that there were some very strong opinions voiced. Now me, I totally believe that the man should have the final say so, just as GOD says that we have to come to him first, he has left us with instructions on how everything in life should be set. I don’t go around quoting scriptures, but I do believe in the beginning of that good book, GOD allowed man to name woman, and gave him control over everything….

Enough of that, those are just my thoughts and beliefs.

My experience with black women in my 32 years of life, leads me to believe that they do not know what the hell they want.

man be a

Not all of you sista’s, but some of you, and I will add the mast majority that I know. Most women say that they want a strong man, not a weak little crying wimp, however, when I see a strong man exercise his manhood, sooner or later he is going to be called controlling, or “not my daddy”, or be told, “you don’t tell me what to do!”

If he bows down to his woman, then he will be called a bitch of a man, or too soft. If he tries to fall somewhere in between, he’s not enough of this or enough of that. So guess what happens, the woman, yes the woman, who can’t get along with other women…the woman who will cry as soon as her emotions get out of hand…the woman who needs a man to open that jar that’s too tight, change the tire, and take out the trash wants to take over everything.

I can almost guarantee that if a man is living in the house, and he is not allowed to take charge or keeps getting knocked out of position, the house is in total chaos. Ladies, I’m not talking about a dog, I’m talking about a good man!  It seems to me that Black Women only wants a man to take charge when it’s convenient for them. If taking charge means denying them from what they want, you better count your losses, buddy. If your man is a Real Man, and you are treating him as such, there is not too much that you will go lacking for.

Couple smiling together

A woman who has a real man, and treats him like one will not have a problem getting her way or treated how she should. You know why men are so controlling and want to be the Head, it’s because it’s how we were created. Most women I know want to be spoiled and want attention, it’s because that’s the way they were made. I do not go against human nature, I flow with it. So with that being said, Why n d hell is it so hard to just let ya man Take Charge, have control, and/or the final say so?

Come on with those comments!

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Kataurus Braswell
This brother is founder of, a Social dedicated to African Americans. He is also a freelance writer, music producer, and blogger. His personal blog is at Kataurus Braswell Ceo of Black Convo Media Group LLC. He can be reached at the following:

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on April 29, 2013

Glad to see you think that way, and your grandparents had somethin special. I think that many women cant stand the thought of a man havin any control, its like they are scared of the word. Im a man and i dont hv a problem consulting with my wife about anything, and if she dont like it, i aint doin it. Im married and i gots to respect her wishes. When it comes to certain things in the house, a man needs to hv control. women that know that they hv a good man should not hv a problem fallin back in certain areas. Men hv a natural urge to lead, and God made us that way. Women want what they want, and its natural. We just hv to come together and play our roles! Women dont want weak men, but when he stands up it seems to be a problem too.

on April 30, 2013

The sad part is that we seem to understand order in everything but relationships. What most men do not understand is that if there is a problem in the relationship since they are the head of the household God holds them responsible. That does not matter if “she” will not let him lead, she does not “submit” or she is too independent. God holds the man responsible. Men cannot be like Adam and say, “It was this woman you gave me.” You picked this one buddy. It did not work then and it will not work now. Come on men, step your game up. If your girlfriend is not willing to follow your lead while dating, do not marry her. Sometimes life can be just that simple.

on May 30, 2013

You are right. Most of us are confused. I am married and although I don’t need permission from my husband, I still “ask” him about the big things because I care about his feelings and opinions. If I get a hint that he disagrees with something, I think twice because I know it would bring tension.

on November 3, 2013

I agree men are the heads of the family, and a woman should respect his decisions. But a man also marries a woman because he values her and her opinions so I don’t think he should feel as if he can do anything he wants. Seems to me a good man would value his wife and her thoughts, then make a decision that is best for the family.

I understood when Porscha said he gave her permission, I thought she handled that beautifully. I wouldn’t just do what I wanted in a marriage, if that’s what I want then I can stay single.

on November 3, 2013

I can’t agree with you enough. A real man isn’t looking to dominate his relationship with his woman. A real man is looking to simply exist as a man. That means being a leader. Not everyone buys into that concept, but like you said, you can’t call your man “soft” if you’re not allowing him to do what is within him. Great post!

    on November 4, 2013

    I’m glad that you enjoyed this post. I think a major cause with women’s inability to do this is that of single mother households. When you don’t see a man and womans interact on a daily bases, you have no idea of how to allow a man to be a man.

on November 7, 2013

While totally agree that the man is the king of the household—a marriage is a partnership. A 50/50 joint venture that includes love, sacrifice, communication amongst other things. My husband and I don’t require each others permission it’s more so a discussion on what’s best for us as a family. It certainly is a balancing act of keeping ones individuality (yes. it is important not to lose your core self) while operating in unison. The key here is perfecting the art of compromise, give and take…if you will. I’ve seen instances where women “submit” in all instances and as a result, bad decisions made by the head of the household(the husband) resulted in not so favorable consequences. Like everything else in life….there’s a time and a place. If you feel that your King is not making the right decision in certain situations….it is the Queen’s duty to challenge those decisions in a respectful and rational way. This is also true on the flip side. This is a great post and the dialogue within gives great insight and perspective as well.

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