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My Online Dating Fiasco…A Single Mom’s Story “He Wanted Me to Bring the Girls for a Family Weekend.”

Dating & Relationships / October 12, 2013

I divorced my 2nd husband in 2007, promising I wouldn’t marry again until my girls were grown.  I just didn’t think I wanted any other man around them except their dad and family.  That wasn’t a realistic goal and decided to date, but try not to involve them with my girls.  Well…here we go.  The girls and I took some pictures from Sears, and they turned out very nice.  We took pictures together, and then she took pictures of us alone.  Well this one particular picture of me was very nice.  I gave out pictures to family and friends and one of my co-workers suggested that I try online dating and use this picture as my profile picture.


At first I said “NO”, I wasn’t interested and I didn’t want to look desperate.  Only desperate women went online to find men to date, and you never know what kind of weirdo you would meet online.  I was a busy mom, who went to church 3 days a week and I didn’t want anyone to find out from church that I was considering online dating.  Well I did it and I used Black Christian People Meet as my choice of online dating.  I had convinced myself that it was ok, because these men were “christians” and so was I.  What I found was the same thing I guess you would find on any dating website, men wanting to hook up with women at any cost and tell us anything to get us to be interested in them.  I met a few men that I was very casual with, no phone number or anything like that.  We would just talk when I logged on the website.  I met one that was very interested in me, told me how beautiful I was and how I would make the perfect wife.  Really just from this picture??  Let me tell ya, there were some weirdos, that’s the nicest word I could use to describe them.  Several asked me how old the picture was, to make sure I didn’t put a 10 year old picture online.  Don’t worry dude, the picture was recent.  What about yours, are you really single and is this your real name?

online-dating (1)

One day, I got a nice email from one gentleman, let’s call him Mr Chicago.  He told me all about himself, divorced, dad, a true christian and  musician.  We were the same age, and he gave me his phone number and asked if we could talk.  We emailed each other for a few weeks before I got the nerve to finally call him.  I called him, he sounded nice on the phone (what exactly does that mean anyway, “sounded nice”?).  Our conversations were long and fun, always looking forward to the next one.  We didn’t talk everyday because we were both so busy, we did most of our communication with email and sent e-cards to each other.  He would send me a video of some of our artists we liked.  You know where I’m going here.  He told me he was falling in love with me and wanted me to consider being his wife.   I too was smitten, but wasn’t in love…not yet.  He then told me that he really wanted to see me, would I consider coming to Chicago.  I told him I couldn’t do that, I had two small children and no family.  He didn’t push but just asked me to consider it at a later time.  The conversations continued, he said everything I thought I wanted to hear, and to get me to finally agree to go to Chicago.

I did something I never thought possible, I agreed to go to Chicago to meet the man that had fallen in love with me.  It took several months to get here,  I had a ticket from Southwest that I had to cancel my plans a few months before, so I used it.  Got to Chicago, met my “wannabe” prince and started the weekend.  It was nice, I wasn’t as attracted to him like I thought I would be.  He took me to brunch on Lake Michigan, went to listen to jazz and enjoyed each other.  My brother called me about 15 times while I was there.  The girls stayed with my girlfriend who encouraged me to go and have a good time.  The weekend came to an end and although I still wasn’t “in love”, I agreed to let him come to Kansas City to meet my family.  He passed all the family tests and questions with flying colors.  I let him meet my children, briefly.  Then he told me that he wanted me to come to Chicago again and this time bring the girls for a family weekend.  Now he was talking, any man interested in me, had to accept my children…point blank.

We drove to Chicago and that’s where the truth came out.  He took us to the zoo, movies and did the tourist thing with us, but there just wasn’t a love connection for either one of us.  I got back to KC, called him and told him we made it home and we never spoke again.  No regret, no hurt feelings.  I closed my account with Black Christian People Meet and decided to meet men the old fashion way.  My life…..

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Whitney Wesley

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on May 1, 2013


I hope that you wont give up on online dating because of one disappointing experience. In all it really did not sound bad. It sounded like 2 people that were just not a match. That happens. It sounds like everything went well except for the physical aspect. That does happen. I guess maybe if you would have meet him offline first you never would have given him your number.

I certainly know that online dating has gotten some negatives, but I have found more good than bad. I would encourage women to use online dating, but just as one method of meeting guys. I know there is a good one out there for you and your girls and it is my prayers that you will find him.

    on May 1, 2013

    She is now married….

      on May 1, 2013

      That is wonderful. Do you know how she meet him?

on May 1, 2013

I’m ashamed to say this, but I have also tried online dating. It worked out… once. I had a 6-month actual relationship with someone from a dating site, but that ended sourly as he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship- after 6 months. Anyways, I’ve dated here or there but haven’t had a relationship since 2008 so I thought I would try it again. I don’t know what I was thinking. I got weirdos and even had someone ask me to date him after only a few days of talking. Umm, no thank you. So now I’m still single and not doing online dating. I think I would rather wait to be approached in person than over something where we can hide the truth.

    on May 1, 2013


    Sorry to hear about your experience. Online dating certainly is not for everyone, but there is no need to be ashamed. We all try things that do not work, but that is the only way we can grow in life. I often encourage my female friends to date online, but use it as just one method of meeting men. I certainly wish you the best in your search and if I can be of any help just let me know. There is someone out there for you. Stay encouraged.

    on October 12, 2013

    Don’t be ashamed Angela, it’s not for everyone. After my fiasco, I stopped online dating. You live and learn. That’s what I did, went back to the old way, face to face. I met my husband in a Sam’s Club.

      on October 14, 2013

      I agree, that it isn’t for everyone. You have to have a lot of patience dealing with that!

on May 1, 2013

Thank you Ty for featuring my blog post about my online dating experience. This was awesome! I met my husband 5 years ago at Sam’s Club. We are about to celebrate our 1st anniversary.

    on May 1, 2013

    Congrats Whitney. You know they say you can get everything at Sam’s/Wal-Mart, I guess they are correct. I wish you all the best.

on May 3, 2013

Thanks Shawn, yes I got my money’s worth that day!

on October 13, 2013

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have tried online dating a couple times. Each time I forget how I swore never to do it again. Though it works for many I think it’s just not for me. I will leave it up to in person chance meetings which I look forward to. @stiletto_mom

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