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5 Signs Of A Potential Abuser

Dating & Relationships / He Said / October 9, 2013

You know my mama always told me that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  The best way to get out of an abusive relationship is to avoid getting into one in the first place.  Here are 5 red flag warning signs that the person you maybe dating could be an abuser.

Potential Abuser Sign #1:  Isolates from friends and family

In the beginning of the relationship you may think it is great that he wants to spend all his time with you.  Every hour and minute he wants to be around you.  He even suggests you miss outings and events with your friends and family to spend time with him.

Be very careful.  What this person maybe trying to do is isolate you.  He may be trying to cut off your support system so that he can become the center of your life.  He will probably even suggest that you miss church a few times just so you two can spend “quality time” together.  Remember GOD would not send you anyone that is going to take you further away from him.

5 signs of a potential abuser

Potential Abuser Sign #2:  Very charismatic and organized

This guy is a real charmer.  He really knows how to lay it on thick.  He knows all the right things to say and just when to say them.  He really seems too good to be true.  He is also very detailed.  He wants to know where you are and when you will be going out.  He says it is just because he is concerned, but do not believe him.

He will use his charm as a bait to get you hooked.  Anyone can put on a front for a few months.  What you are seeing is not really him it is his representative.  The real person will come out later once you have been hooked.  Be careful when he seems to always want to know your location to the minute.  Also watch him buying you anything that will allow him to keep tabs on you.  Here let me just add you to my phone plan and save you some money.

Potential Abuser Sign #3:  Frequent put downs

Even though he can be very charming he also wants to lower your self-esteem.  He will frequently tell you of all your faults in his effort to try to “make your life better.”  Even when you try to improve yourself, if it does not involve him or meet with his approval he will discourage it and encourage you to spend more time with him.


abuse 2

Potential Abuser Sign #4:  Talks down to women in general

Whether it is his mother, ex, co-workers or women in general he usually has something negative to say about them.  Now this is not a one-time incident.  These are overall conversations that show a pattern of this type of language.  He may never actually curse, but his overall impression of women in general is very low.  Except for you of course.

Do not fall for it.  Remember at one time he held these women in high regard as well.  Once you fail to live up to his standards he will place you in a category with them.  He will say that when your relationship started you did not act like all the others, but now you are.

5 Signs of a Potential Abuser

Potential Abuser Sign #5:  Inflexible

With these types of people there is little grey in the world.  It is black or white.  It is their way or the wrong way.  They are used to being in control so they will tend to make all the decisions.  They will even order your food for you, before asking you what you want.  They may say things like, “I just know you will love this.  Here just try it this once.”  This once becomes every time he takes you out.

Do not fall for these tactics.  When you see them early on in the relationship just get out of it.  Do not think it will change because it will not.  Do not look at that person as just someone who needs understanding because they do not.  They understand themselves quite clearly.  It is you who does not understand.  You cannot save the next victim that he runs into but you can save yourself.  Make sure that you do it and run away like your life depended on it, because at some point it just may.

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Shawn Hill
Shawn Hill is the notated author of the Single Black Woman’s Guide to Dating. This book can be found on Amazon. He is also the radio host of The Black Woman’s Guide to love on Blog Talk Radio theblackwomanguide You can follow him on his Blog a tblackwealthcreation

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on March 23, 2013

Good post!

on November 1, 2016

Add you to the phone plan. Wow. Never thought of that one. That’s a sure way to control your every move and communication log.

on November 2, 2016

Thank God, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, or at heart stayed in one long enough that abuse took place. Thanks for sharing these warning signs to look for in a companion.

on November 2, 2016

This was very informative and I’m sure will help so many women out there. Thank you for writing this!

on November 2, 2016

I agree with these however none of these were my experience. My ex was the life of the party with a terrible anger issue. Once fueled with alcohol or drugs things got crazy.

on November 2, 2016

You are so on the money. I tell women to ‘run’, not walk, when these signs manifest. This is who he is. It’s not a bad day for him or a bad mood. This is a man just exposing what is in his nature.

on November 2, 2016

Great info. I wish more women took actin instead of waiting for him to change.

on November 3, 2016

These are good things to be aware of!

on November 3, 2016

Very good information. I encourage all women to seek help.

on November 3, 2016

Wow! These are definitely some signs. I’d also add putting you through guilt trips or blaming you for their deficiencies. It’s important to learn to see these signs and take appropriate action.

on November 3, 2016

I agree with all of these! This needs to be shared because domestic violence is too real and happening too often.

on November 3, 2016

This is a really helpful article. I was in a bad relationship once. He was a charmer and would constantly put me down. It’s important for women to recognize the signs of a potential abusive relationship before it gets out of control.

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