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How Being Superficial Kept Me Single

Dating & Relationships / From the Editor / September 3, 2013

As I look back over the course of my life and the men that I have dated and the ones that I dissed, dogged or simply ignored because I was so busy looking at the exterior that I didn’t get a chance take the time, to look at his interior, I have to wonder if I would be happily married by now.  Although I know this to have been a problem in my past, I am still repeating the same patterns today, at 40 years old…

Ms. Too Damn Superficial…that’s me!

There are men who I dated…one of which I was in love with and who I know loved me unconditionally that I broke up with because I felt that he was too old to NOT have his shit together.  Many a friend told me that I he just needed the right woman behind him to get him on track.  My response was always, “I’m not THAT woman!”  I was so busy looking at what he DIDN’T have that I ignored all of the qualities that he DID have and many of those qualities were ones that you would want in a life partner.  After I  broke up with him, I got with my son’s sperm donor who HAD all of the material things that I THOUGHT a man should have but his character was fucked up!

How Being Superficial Kept Me Single

Even after breaking up with him and having a child, my ex and I remained friends and he was even willing to take us BOTH into his life and raise my son as his own but, true to fashion, I turned him down, still believing that he had to have XYZ in order for me to get back with him.  SMH! Years later, after I had surgery on my foot, he took the train to my house (he still didn’t have a car), stayed the weekend, did my laundry, cleaned my house, cooked, rearranged my linen closet and hung out with my son and tended to me and I was STILL so stupid to be hung up on the things that he didn’t have, that I still didn’t give him the time of day while he was here, choosing to spend time in my room…watching tv and being dumb and ungrateful! And the crazy part of it all was that there was not ONE guy that I had dealt with that had all the shit that I thought was needed in order for me to be with them, that I could have called that would have done what my ex did.  Ain’t that some shit?

How Being Superficial Kept Me Single

The moral to this story, for all of you who are out there looking for a man who has this long laundry list of what material things that you think a man should have in order for him to be THE ONE, learn from my mistakes.  It’s not always about what a man has or doesn’t have but how well he treats you.  If you can depend on him when things get rough, if he is willing to do whatever he can to make you happy, shows you that he cares and has a good character and a loving heart DON’T throw him out or discount him in order to waste your time with a bullshit ass man!

The ones that are fine, nice bodies, nice cars, houses, good jobs and good dicks but are shallow as hell are NOT the ones that you want to even waste your time on because all that

all that glitters is not gold and dicks come a dime a dozen and you still have change! 

Don’t ignore the man who isn’t physically appealing to the eye, who may need to work out a bit or who may be doing “bad” at the moment.  Hell, no one is perfect and neither are you!  Give people a chance and believe it or not, a man who is worthy of your time will prove it to you.  Just be patient and don’t be superficial…like me!

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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.

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on September 3, 2013

BRAVO!!! Applauding you for your openness and growth. We’ve all come a long way & has discovered many revelations. That’s why I always say that “I’m a student of life, learning lessons everyday” and there’s still more to learn.

Thanks for sharing tidbits of your life. No judgement here.

    on September 3, 2013

    Thank you. Yes, I totally agree with being a student of life!!

on September 3, 2013

Wow! This is what you call a brutally honest ‘self check’. I’m glad you’re able to see yourself clearly. That’s one of the hardest things for many of us to do. It’s not about whether we are right or wrong, it’s about truly seeing and knowing ourselves for who we are. Once we reach that step then we can make the necessary adjustments, that we desire to make, or love ourselves just as we are.

I never like to make assumptions, so I’ll only share my thoughts. In regards to the man you described who was doing all of the ‘right’ things, in my opinion I don’t think you solely didn’t take things to the next level with him because you were superficial. I ‘believe’ you didn’t truly love him and wouldn’t allow yourself to pretend that you did because he did certain things ‘right’. Only you know if that’s true. Whether it is or isn’t, I know that everything that’s in God’s perfect will, will happen. If you long to meet a man you love and who has the qualities you desire, don’t stop praying and asking God to bring him into your life.

Thank you again for sharing this piece. I love to see us become better people, as a result of self discovery and awareness.

    on September 4, 2013

    Thanks Jay. You are right about a couple of things, yes, I guess that I wasn’t truly in love with that guy and I did pretend for awhile until I git tired of his lack of drive. Things happen for a reason and if he was really for me or not, I don’t know but I’m sure God has someone for me…somewhere!

on September 13, 2013

I have a book you would just love 😉

on September 17, 2013

[…] “Hell No!” because the brother is not cute, AT ALL, but since I am trying not to be superficial, I roll the window down to see what he has to […]

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