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Real Talk Interview With Single Dad, Duane

He Said / Single Moms Talk / September 18, 2013

 

 

  Introduce yourself

Duane M. Buchanan, 41 soon to be 42 #TeamScorpio.  I currently reside is PHILA, PA, but born and raised in the Philly burbs Media/Chester, PA. I am the proud father of eleven year old daughter, Dionne C-K Buchanan, who I have sole physical and legal custody.  I am currently a Tower/Operations manager for a major airline here in PHL.  My hobby is sports. I’ve played growing up and now watch and root for the Teams and schools here in the Philly area. As we say here in Philadelphia, I’m a 4for4! It’s a Philly thing… My passion for life is my family and friends. My friends are life long, really they are, I’ve known my true friends since daycare and kindergarten. My family and daughter are my world and we are very very tight. Cross one you have to deal with us all.
  

  How did you become a single dad, i.e. divorce (what’s your story)

I don’t know where to begin on this one here. I became a single father because I couldn’t and didn’t want to be in and live the life her mother was living. I’m not gonna sit here and bash my daughters mother (although I could and should) but that’s not me. Her mother was living a life of lies and deceit and knowing what was best for me and my daughter, I had to make a tough serious decision to leave and take my daughter with me. Yes, I went through a serious court battle and paid a lawyer very generously may I add, for a year and a half AFTER the case was settled.  All In all, I’d do it all over if I had to. As stated earlier, #Dee as she likes to be called, is my pride and joy!
 

 Do you date? Are you in a relationship?  When do you think that single dads should bring the women they date around their child? Is dating different as a single parent? Do you think it is harder to date as a single dad?  

It took me a about a year after I left my daughters mom to date.  I introduced my daughter to my GF only after I knew that she and I would be in a serious relationship. I’m not one to be throwing around the “this is your aunt so and so,” as some people like to do. Not my style. When I knew it was more than casual that’s when the introduction to my family and daughter took place. Dee, has only met 2 women outside of her mother.
As a single parent, dating has to be different. No matter what, the child has to come first with the understanding that our time will come and grow as a couple. If you can’t understand that, then you are not the woman for me and my daughter.
Actually as a Single Dad, it’s a bit easier to date because women seem to be attracted to a man taking care of his kid(s) especially, if she’s a girl…
  

   What advice would you give to a newly single dad?

My advice is take time for your child(ren) first and the rest will fall into place. The change of living situation, the lack of 2 parents being around, as in my situation, will hit very hard to the child. We have to take our personal feelings towards each other out of the equation and focus on the kids.
  

  What is the best advice that you ever received about single parenthood?

It’s no longer about me! Took me a while to figure that out but I finally got it. My 1st priority had to become my daughter… Think about it!
 

   3 words that describe your parenting style? 

Communication, Honest, In-tune

   How do you respond to people who say, “I don’t know how you single dads do it.  It must be so hard?

I respond the same way each and every time: I’d be lost without my support system, mom dad sis! I don’t know where we would be…
 

  How do you think people feel about being a single dad

They take us for granted. TV and everyday situations don’t shed positive light on single dads.
 

What values do you wish to instill in your daughter?

I try to let her know that she is loved and valued. That she is a little lady and to carry herself as a little lady. She doesn’t need to act all hoochiefied to get what she wants in life. She needs to go to school get a good education and with hard work and honesty, she will get anything she wants on her own accord. She will not have to lean on or depend on any man for nothing!
 

You mentioned that you are teaching or “instilling” in your daughter values in which she doesn’t have to “lean on or depend on a man.”  Why do you think that is important to instill in your daughter?

Just seeing the way society is going and how relationships are taking a turn for the worse, she will need to know her worth and value as a woman when she gets older.

Did you daughter see Miley Cyrus on the MTV awards “twerking?” If so, did you have a conversation about that? 

She told me she watched it afterwards as MTV and every other channel is still showing and talking about weeks later. this goes back to the previous question, she knows this is not a way to do things to gain attention, we looked laughed and moved on!

Do you allow your daughter to do the popular dances that are out today,  i.e. “The Red Nose” or “Twerking?”  What are your views on the way that you women dance nowadays and what kind of conversations have you had or will you have the way the young ladies present themselves when dancing?

Ok see this is why I need to keep up and talk to my daughter about the things she does, watches and listens too: What The Hell is the “Red Nose?” – YouTube as soon as I’m finished with this!
I see the dancing as a generational thing. I think about it and compare it to when I was growing up and the “House Parties” I went to.  (Flashback) Throw on some “Shabba – ting-a-ling” we was ready to get it in… I constantly tell her, in everything’s she does she represents, me mom-mom pop-pop and Ang! Think about what you do!
   

 What is the hardest part about being a single dad with a daughter?

Phew, living in America 2013. Times and society has changed twenty fold since I was her age. Kids today are way more advanced than we ever were at the same age. They are growing up so much faster these days.
 

  What are you feelings about child support?

I don’t receive it, nor did I ask for it. Her mother is non-existent in her life. I hate it but we are moving and growing.

How do you/will you handle “female issues” with your daughter?

Mooooom!  Naw, I let her know she can always come to me and talk about any situation she may face. If she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to me, there’s Ang (my sis) and mom-mom.

 Do you think that it is acceptable for parents to check their kids emails, cell phone texts and messages and social media accounts?  Do you/will you do any of those things with your daughter?

To keep up with what’s going on there are times when it’s needed but I won’t do it just to do it and play the “Parent Card”. Right now I don’t allow her to have Social Media accounts. She does have an iPhone and Kindle with the accounts linked to either mine or my sisters accounts.

At what age will you allow your daughter to date?

Never! Seriously when I feel as though she’s mature enough to date. Never!

How can my readers get in contact with you? 

If there are any other questions anyone would like to ask, feel free to contact me @Duane19015 on #Twitter or you can follow me and my blog:
The Mental Stimulation
 single dad interview 2

 


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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