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I recently watched an episode from Season One of Iyanla Fix My Life called, “Fix My Cheating Husband.” It was about a couple that were separated and the wife was considering divorce. For eight months, they have been living apart and living a lie because no one knew that they were separated. The killer part is that they have been married for 10 years, he is a pastor and has had affairs with 20 women, many of which were members of the congregation and one affair resulted in a child. LAWD, HAVE MERCY!!
While talking to the wife, Iyanla asked her, “Why am I here?” The wife knew what she needed to do, hell, she had already left! Why would you even CONSIDER staying with a man, pastor or not, who would be so disrespectful to not ONLY sleep with 20 women while he was married to you BUT they are women who you see EVERY Sunday, women who he has brought to YOUR home to have sex with AND he was so irresponsible as to get one of them PREGNANT? Yet, this woman puts on a front EVERY Sunday and sits on the first pew of the church and acts like everything is A OKAY because she is the First Lady of the church and that’s what she is “supposed” to do. OH HELL NO!
Iyanala hit it right on the nose when she said that she thought that part of the reason that she stayed and “lied” every Sunday was because of “Ego and Appearances.” When you think of the First Lady of a church, especially a Black church, she is ALWAYS dressed to the T. She has the nice suits, dresses, hats and shoes and always LOOKS like she has it all together. There are not many First Ladies who half step on that. They are usually very friendly, open and giving and like the First Lady on this show said, some of the perks to being a First Lady are “being in the spotlight, being able to wear the nice clothes and hats and a special parking spot.” The question Iyanala asked next was “if you like the person that you are,” without the hat, then why are you selling her down the river for a hat and a parking space?” HELLO???
Ladies, how many times have we looked the other way and ignored, what was in our faces because of egos and appearances? We didn’t want to reveal the truth about what was going on in our relationships because we didn’t want to appear to others like a fool? We didn’t want to let others think that we didn’t have it ALL together. How many times do we look the other way? When is ENOUGH, ENOUGH?
Many times we want things to stay “familiar.” We don’t want to do things differently or make a change because we are scared of what is unfamiliar. Those of us who are Christians, like the First Lady, believe in forgiveness and turning the other cheek but when is ENOUGH, ENOUGH? However, many people believe that it is not pleasing to God to divorce.
“The Bible suggests that “marital unfaithfulness” is the only scriptural reason that warrants God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many different interpretations exist among Christian teachings as to the exact definition of “marital unfaithfulness.” The Greek word for martial unfaithfulness found in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 translates to mean any form of sexual immorality including adultery, prostitution, fornication, pornography, and incest. Since the sexual union is such a crucial part of the marriage covenant, breaking that bond seems to be a permissible, biblical grounds for divorce.”
I believe that God would not want us to live in a situation like this, First Lady or not. When the person that you took vows with disrespects you in such a manner as to commit adultery and break those vows, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
At the end of the day, you have to live with the decisions that you make. You have to live with yourself. Do not allow yourself to be disrespected over and over again and stay because you are worried about your “Ego and Appearance.” Ego’s can be bruised and appearances can be distorted but what is important is that you can look in the mirror at yourself and be okay with walking away from an abusive situation. “Abusive” you may ask? He didn’t put his hands on her. “Abuse” is not always physical, when someone cheats on you, they are being emotionally abusive to you and you do not have to live with it or lie about it.
The show ended with the wife telling her husband that she wanted to be “let go.” She wanted a divorce. Although he had tears in his eyes and was probably very sorry, I think deep in his heart, he knew that he had disrespected his wife in such a manner that he had to let her go. There was nothing there anymore and sometimes, you just can’t get past certain things. 20 affairs would be one of those things.
If you are in a situation like this, know and believe that you don’t have to stay because of ego and appearances. It’s okay to walk away and be good with that decision. When it get’s to be too much, that’s when it is ENOUGH!!’
What would YOU have done in this situation?
Why do women put up with men like this?
Do you think that some women stay in unhealthy relationships because of egos and appearance?