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Conflicts of Interest: Child Support – The Woman’s Point of View via Single Black Male

Parenting / Single Moms Talk / March 17, 2013

The following is the female point of view about child support shared via Single Black Men.  Is she right?

Conflicts of Interest: Child Support – The Woman’s Point of View via Single Black Male

Last week, Dr. J wrote a post on the New NYC Teen Pregnancy Prevention Ads. At some point during the day, a debate on the role of child support erupted in the comment section. In reading these comments, I realized very quickly that men and women have very different views on the role of child support, the fairness of child support (laws and calculations), and what child support does cover orshould cover. Although this was an interesting topic, since I have no firsthand experience with child support, I solicited an open call on Twitter (@WisdomIsMisery) to see if any men or women would be willing to share their experience, views, opinions, and trials and tribulations with child support. Two writers, a man and a woman, volunteered. While I wanted their pieces to be original, I asked them to, at minimum, address four questions:

  • What do you think child support is “for?”
  • Is it fair?
  • What are some issues you face as a man/woman?
  • What, if anything, would you change about the process?

The Woman’s Perspective on Child Support

(click here to read the man’s viewpoint on child support)

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to discuss the topic of child support. Let me give you a little background. I’m divorced. My ex-husband and I had three children together during our marriage.

What is child support for?

Child support is for anything that directly relates to raising a child – utilities, rent, food, clothing, medical expenses, and childcare.  Shared expenses (utilities, rent, and food) can be paid with child support. If we were still married, his funds would go to shared expenses. Child support can go there as well.
As a child grows, you can add recreational activities to the mix. For example, my kids use the money for entertainment – movies or dinner with friends; activities they do without me. They are teens. Having me around cramps their style, so I just give them the card and send them on their way.

Child support is not for me. It’s not for me to get my hair or nails done. It’s not for me to go out with friends. My rule of thumb is to never use child support funds for any activity where only I benefit.

Is child support fair?

My first answer is: Hell, no!

I’ve found the child support system is not fair to men or women. From my perspective, the State is only vigorous in pursuing child support for women/men who are receiving government benefits or can afford a good lawyer. I’ve been divorced for 10 years; I received no support for four years after we divorced. I tried working out a solution without using the courts but I was very unsuccessful. When I went to fill out the affidavit requesting support, one of the first questions they asked was do I receive any type of government benefits. I didn’t receive any. The moment she realized the State couldn’t recoup any money from me, the case worker’s whole attitude changed. She was not very interested in helping me. My friends and I who don’t get benefits compare notes on how long it takes/took us to get court dates versus those we know who get some type of government benefits.  Our friends who receive government benefits get moved along in the courts much more quickly. It would take way more than 750 words to describe the horror of having to deal with two states. I have a case worker in Tennessee who won’t give me the time of day and another in South Carolina who won’t even talk to me. My ex went to court to have his child support lowered because he and his new wife had a baby. The State of SC didn’t even see fit to notify me until after the fact. Since 2008, the State of SC says I’m only entitled to $338 each month for our three kids. For 2007, I was only entitled to $400. There is no mention of how they came up with those numbers in any of the documents I’ve requested from either state. I can assure you, he pays more than $338 in daycare for his new child. That’s part of what makes the system unfair.  The calculations used to set support are unrealistic and vague. I could be totally in left field, but based on my experiences, the people who get the largest child support awards either have really good lawyers or get some type of government benefit the state wants to recoup. Yeah, I’m a little salty about these calculations.

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Sourced: Single Black Male

Photo Credit: Single Black Male


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Ty Knighten
Ty Knighten knows a thing or two about relationships and dating. A single mom from Calif., Ty decided to turn her experiences in love and relationships into a blog. Written with plenty of sass, her mission is to help women empower themselves to realize love, success and confidence through her articles. She writes about dating and relationships from the perspective of a single mom but adds insights that will help women and men as they maneuver through the confusing world of dating and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter @UHeardMeRight, on Facebook at The Sexy Single Mommy or connect with her on Google+ and Instagram at chocoty.




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Conflicts of Interest: Child Support – The Man’s Point of View via Single Black Male

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