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Whenever you “put yourself out there” – either while dating or in an existing relationship, sometimes you will be appreciated, and sometimes you will not. Rejection may happen. It happens all the time in and out of relationships because we offer pieces of our souls to another person for view, critique, audition, acceptance, and judgment. That person may “like” it, and cue the fireworks, or they may “dislike” it – get out, and thank you for playing – there are some lovely parting gifts at the door…
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (isn’t there a movie that starts with that phrase?), I fell in absolutely soaking puppy love with a boy (this is when I was 15.5 years old) named Anthony. Now – this was pre Internet and all, but we were a sort of pen pals over an old style computer system (no need for further detail, but suffice it to say, we “talked” online). We wrote notes back and forth, we giggled, we made nice chitchat, and we got all wrapped up in that teenaged syrupy sweet mad crush love of which Donny Osmond songs are made. The catch? We had never seen each other. All of this dreamy teenage love stuff was based on words, nuances, subtle phrases, and pure emotional sharing. And we were in big time crush love….couldn’t live without typing to each other a million times a day, all without having ever laid eyes on our faces.
Now for me, being an insecure, acne ridden, and somewhat gawky teenager – this was pure heaven. A boy accepted me! I was appreciated for my humor, my intelligence, my wit, my knowledge, dare I say, my geekeness! I was embraced, lauded, accepted, and praised. Hurray! All is well with the Universe! And then it happened…
Our first date was a snowy day in February. The doorbell rang and I was literally sick from nerves at seeing my loving boyfriend for the first time. I couldn’t wait to talk and hold hands and keep up all the amazing conversations we had been having for weeks on-line.
I opened the door, and there he was – and like Mary Poppins, he was practically perfect in every way. I’m sure I had twinkling stars in my eyes, and my feet were at least two inches off the floor. I waited for that magic moment – you know the one, where the prince declares his undying love for the princess and all is well in the kingdom? Well – there was a declaration all right, but not the kind I was expecting. To the best of my recollection, it went something like this…
Deflated like a bad soufflé, crushed was too good of a word. REJECTION. His eyes told even more of the story than his disappointed words. Rather than the dazzling, intelligent, delightful, and dare I say beautiful girl I thought I was, I found myself feeling like a troll incapable of being seen in public with this dazzling blond prince. He couldn’t find a dark enough movie theater to hide me in, and didn’t bother with dinner, but rather spent the requisite amount of date time learning to drive and spin the car around in the snow-covered open parking lot of the nearby elementary school. When the time was over, I knew it was over. He didn’t even walk me to the door. Looking back, I wonder if he even pulled into the driveway…Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date. There wasn’t a call, there wasn’t a nothing.
So – the point? Well, that was many years ago. That rejection taught me many things – even at that young age. The main lesson – just because you are not what one person is expecting does not mean you are not vital, beautiful, and incredibly special. You are just not for them! That was sure a tough one to swallow that was, but I took it in the best stride I could. It actually helped me let go of needing to be accepted so hard by another person, and to seek out more compatible partners, and led me to my best friend and husband for going on 24 years. I consider it a win by way of a loss.
Someone will adore and love your personality, your humor and your very essence. More than that – you will adore and love yourself. When we reject ourselves, we reject all the gifts were given from the moment our eyes opened. Now – why would we ever want to reject that?
Difficult though it may be some days, let nary a rejection keep you from the slump dumping destiny that is yours today and every day. You are fabulous, amazing, and beautiful. Not everyone will think so, but what matters is that you think so of yourself. Keep on keeping on.